7. Mourning the passing of non-religious relatives:[1]

Even a Jew who is a sinner is to be mourned, [even if he transgressed sins that involve penalty of death[2]].[3] Nevertheless, a person who is accustomed to constantly sin [even for mere lustful purposes[4]] is not to be mourned.[5] [Thus, one is not to mourn a Jew who was publicly Michalel Shabbos or was married to a gentile.[6] If however the sinner confessed prior to passing away, then he is to be mourned even if he was a robber and even if he died a natural death.[7]] It goes without saying that one is not to mourn a heretic who has converted to idolatry.[8] One does not mourn them not with Aninus or Aveilus, and on the contrary, their brothers and other relatives are to wear festive clothing and are to eat and drink and rejoice.[9] [From here it is implied that it is even forbidden to mourn them.[10] Nevertheless, the parents are to mourn the passing of a child who became a heretic.[11] Furthermore, even other relatives may choose to mourn his passing out of sadness that the relative died without Teshuvah, or if not doing so will infringe on the families honor.[12] This certainly applies if the relative was deemed a Tinok Shenishba, as explained next!]

A heretic who was murdered:[13] Some Poskim[14] rule that if a heretic was murdered by gentiles, he is to be mourned.[15] [Practically, so is the final ruling.[16]]

Tinok Shenishba: Some Poskim[17] rule that if a heretic had a son who was brought up in heresy, then that son is to be mourned, as he is a mere Anus. Other Poskim[18] however rule he is not to be mourned. Practically, so is the main ruling.[19] [Some Poskim[20] however rule that they must mourn on the first day, and that the parent of the child is to mourn for all seven days and Shloshim. Furthermore, the Poskim[21] rule that all the relatives may choose to mourn a non-religious Jew who was a Tinok Shenishba. This especially applies if not doing so will cause embarrassment to the family.[22] See Q&A regarding who today is defined as a Tinok Shenishba. Practically, today the custom is for all relatives to mourn the passing of non-religious relatives.]

Poreish Midarkei Tzibur:[23] Those Jews who have left the Jewish community, which refers to those who have left the Jewish way of life of keeping Mitzvos, and do not include themselves amongst Klal Yisrael in their actions, and do not respect of the Holidays, and do not participate in Shul and Batei Midrash, and rather act like unrestricted men similar to all the other nations, such people are not to be mourned. Nevertheless, their children are to be mourned.[24]

Moser:[25] One is not to mourn the death of a Moser.

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[1] Michaber 345:5; Rama 340:4; See Nitei Gavriel 126:10-14

[2] Pischeiy Teshuvah 340:4

[3] Michaber 340:5

[4] Shach 340:8; Chochmas Adam 156:3

[5] Rama ibid; Mordechai end of Moed Katan

[6] Shevet Halevi 213 regarding marrying gentile; Nitei Gavriel 126:14

[7] Shach 345:5; Kitzur SHU”A 201:6

[8] Michaber ibid; Rama ibid

[9] Michaber ibid

The reason: They rejoice over the fact that Hashem’s enemies have been destroyed. [Shach 345:9]

[10] Tzitz Eliezer 13:94

[11] Diggul Merivava 345 based on the story with Rabbeinu Gershom; See Halacha 5!

[12] Tzitz Eliezer 13:94; There he references to: Mordechai Moed Katan 886 [regarding Tinok Shenishba]; Maharam Rothenberg 544; Radbaz 3:558; Levush 345:6; Chochmas Adam 156:6; Chasam Sofer 202; Shevet Sofer 108

[13] Rama ibid; Shach 340:9

Other opinions: Some Poskim learn that the Rama’s second opinion also argues on this ruling that one is not to sit Shiva even in such a case. [Simple understanding of Rama ibid; Levush, brought in Shach ibid] The Shach concludes that there are no opinions who argue on the above quoted ruling that mourning is required and so agrees the Rama in Darkei Moshe.

[14] Rama 340:5; Hagahos Ashri; Or Zarua

[15] The reason: As his murder gives him atonement. [Taz 340:3; Shach 340:9-10] Alternatively, the reason is because perhaps he had thoughts of Teshuvah. [Levush, brought in Shach ibid and negated by Shach]

[16] Kitzur SHU”A 201:5

[17] First opinion in Rama ibid; Mordechai in name of Riy

[18] Michaber 345:6; second opinion in Rama ibid; Mordechai in name of Rabbeinu Tam

[19] Rama ibid; Kitzur SHU”A 201:7; The Beis Yosef 345 does not arbitrate this matter

[20] Diggul Merivava, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 345:4

[21] Tzitz Eliezer 13:94; Nitei Gavriel 126:12; See Rama 340:5 regarding “Porshei Midarkei Tzibur” that one does mourn their children, and perhaps there is a difference between a Mumar to Avoda Zara and a regular non-religious Jew; See also Maharshag 1:25 that gave a leniency to allow mourning a Jew who was Michalel Shabbos in public [and is like a Mumar for all matters], and one can assume that he did Teshuvah before his passing; Tzitz Eliezer 13:94 references to the following Poskim: Mordechai Moed Katan 886 [regarding Tinok Shenishba]; Maharam Rothenberg 544; Radbaz 3:558; Levush 345:6; Chochmas Adam 156:6; Chasam Sofer 202; Shevet Sofer 108

[22] See Chasam Sofer 326, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 345:3, regarding suicide that “although the ruling is that one does not sit Shiva, nevertheless if this will cause the family embarrassment, the Rav may be stringent to tell the family to sit Shiva, as although we are lenient in Aveilus in case of dispute, we are not lenient in the honor of the children of Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov.”

[23] Michaber ibid; Rama ibid; Rambam; Avel Rabasi

[24] Rama ibid; Vetzaruch Iyun as to the difference between children of a heretic [in which the main ruling is not to mourn] and children of Porshei Midarkei Tzibur

[25] Michaber ibid

[26] Shach 345:1 in name of Rashba 763 regarding suicide; Chasam Sofer 341, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 345:3; Nitei Gavriel 126:10

[27] Sefer Chassidim 707 to distance 8 Amos from a Menuda; Gilyon Maharsha 362:5 regarding a Mumar; Milameid Lehoil 2:115; Igros Moshe 2:152; 3:157 that one is to make a fence of 10 Tefachim around the gentile and distance it 8 Amos; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:716 that by a Tinok Shenishba a four Ama distance suffices, however in 2:598 he requires an 8 Ama distance; See 362:3

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it suffices to distance him four Amos. [Imrei Yosher 2:3]

[28] Chazon Ish Yoreh Deah 2:16 and 28; See Yaavetz 1:30; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 341; Maharam Shick 140; Beis Yitzchak Y.D. Treifos 29; Hisorerus Teshuvah 1:169; Chelkas Yaakov 1:45 and 154; Minchas Yitzchak 1:53; 3:20; 10:31 letter 14; 10:151; Igros Moshe E.H. 2:59; Sheivet Halevy 3:36; 5:48; 10:65; Mishneh Halachos 5:55; Tzitz Eliezer 8:15; 9:17; Yabia Omer 8:38; Piskeiy Teshuvos 329:5 and footnote 23

[29] This applies even though they are fully aware of the Jewish religion, and know full well that they are Jewish, nevertheless they are considered Anuss/Tinok Shenishba being that they grew up with a secular upbringing, and according to all opinions are not considered to be in the category of Moridin/heretic. [Admur Ribis 79; Darkei Moshe 159; Rambam Mamarim 3:3; Chazon Ish Yoreh Deah 2:16; Zekan Aaron 12; Binyan Tziyon 23; Milameid Lehoil 29;]

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that those Tinokos Shenishbu who discovered that they are Jewish and are aware of the Jewish religion and nonetheless continue their secular lifestyle are not considered Tinokos Shenishbu. [Ramban and Nimmukei Yosef brought in Darkei Moshe ibid and Beis Yosef Y.D. 159; See also Teshuvos Vehanhagos 5:95; 6:90; Bina Vedaas Miluim in name of Rav SZ”A; Betzeil Hachochma 2:76; Shevet Halevi 9:198; Yissa Yosef 3:97; See Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid footnote 22] Nevertheless, even according to this approach, it is still permitted/obligated to desecrate Shabbos on their behalf due to enmity, as we rule by gentiles.

[30] Chazon Ish Yoreh Deah 2:16; See Minchas Asher 1:10; Piskeiy Teshuvos 329:5 and footnote 24