6. The cemetery and burial plot:

A. A Jewish cemetery [Not to bury Jews and gentiles together]:[1]

Although the Poskim[2] make no specific mention against burying a Jew in a gentile cemetery, or against burying a gentile in a Jewish cemetery, nevertheless, it is included in the law that one may not bury a Rasha near a Tzaddik, as will be explained in Halacha D.[3] Thus, the old age Jewish custom dating back to the beginning of our history testifies to the establishment of Jewish cemeteries and the adherence of not burying a gentile in a Jewish cemetery, or vice versa. We are thus very particular not to bury a Jew in a gentile cemetery, or vice versa, not to bury a gentile in a Jewish cemetery.

Q&A What is a Shomer Shabbos cemetery, or burial plot, and must one bury there?[4] Shomer Shabbos cemeteries or burial plots refer to a cemetery, or section of a cemetery, that is designated only for burial of those people who were Shabbos observant. While the earlier Poskim do not record such a concept of making a Shomer Shabbos cemetery, or section within a cemetery, nevertheless, it has become widespread in the last hundred years, based on the law[5] that one may not bury a Rasha near a Tzaddik. Although defining who is a Rasha and who is a Tzaddik is not in the parameters of general people, nevertheless, certain basic guidelines have become accepted, thus creating the Shomer Shabbos section in the cemetery. Accordingly, it is forbidden to bury one who is Shomer Shabbos in the non-Shomer Shabbos cemetery, if the surrounding graves are also not Shomer Shabbos.[6] The same applies vice versa, that it is forbidden to bury one who was not Shomer Shabbos in the Shomer Shabbos section, or near one who was Shomer Shabbos. This law created the Shomer Shabbos section of many cemeteries today. It is worthy however to note that some Poskim[7] are completely lenient in this regard, and are not particular to bury a person near one who was Shomer Shabbos. In the event that the deceased requested to be buried near his family which were not Shomer Shabbos, one may do so.[8] Gentiles buried in Jewish cemeteries: Another issue to bear in mind is that unfortunately, some Jewish cemeteries are not particular to prevent people who are not Halachically defined as Jewish from being buried there. This is especially pertinent to reform and conservative cemeteries, who accept conservative and reform conversion. Thus, burying in a Shomer Shabbos section guarantees that one will not accidently be buried near a gentile. Burying in a non-Shomer Shabbos cemetery: Despite the above, many cemeteries do not contain a Shomer Shabbos section. In such a case, one is to try to find a plot that is surrounded by graves of those who were Shomer Shabbos. If necessary, one may be buried in the cemetery even if he will be near non-Shomer Shabbos graves, although in such a case there should be a distance of eight Amos between his grave and the surrounding graves.[9] Alternatively, if one cannot make such a distance, a Mechitza of ten Tefachim [80 cm] that separates his grave from the other graves is to be set up.[10] One can surround the grave with Hadassim that reach such a height, or place a bench or Ohel surrounding it.[11] If one is unable to do the above, he should bury the deceased in a different cemetery, even if he is required to be buried in a different city.[12] However, as stated above, some Poskim are completely lenient in this regard and in a case of doubt one is to ask his Rav. May one with a tattoo be buried in a Jewish cemetery? A Jew that has a tattoo must be buried in a Jewish cemetery just like any other Jew.[13] Despite the common misconception, there is no Halachic source that bares a Jew with a tattoo, or a Jew who has committed any sin, from being buried in a Jewish cemetery and this is also not the common practice.    May one who married a gentile be buried in a Jewish cemetery?[14] Yes, even a Jew who married a gentile is required to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. There is no source for preventing an assimilated Jew from being buried in a Jewish cemetery.   May a Mumar/Heretic, Jew who converted to other religion, be buried in a Jewish cemetery?[15] Yes. However, they are to be buried an eight Ama distance from the other graves in the cemetery.

B. The ideal location of a cemetery:

Where to zone a cemetery: A cemetery or grave is to be distanced 50 Amos from the city.[16] [The above is the ideal location. However, if proper permits cannot be received from the government or municipality, to build the cemetery outside the city, then it may be zoned even within the city, and hence we find many Jewish cities that contain cemeteries inside.[17]]

C. Burying in Eretz Yisrael:[18]

It is a great Mitzvah and merit to be buried in Eretz Yisrael.[19] It is even permitted to unbury the remains of a person in the Diaspora for the sake of reburying him in Eretz Yisrael[20], and certainly one may initially bring the deceased from the Diaspora into Eretz Yisrael for burial.[21] This applies even if they did not request to be buried there.[22] [The allowance to unbury the body for the sake of reintering in Eretz Yisrael applies even if a Tnaiy was not made. Nonetheless, the widespread custom is to initially make a Tnaiy even when one intends to rebury the deceased in Eretz Yisrael.[23] In all cases, a Rav is to be contacted prior to making any decision.[24]] This is because the earth of Eretz Yisrael atones for the person, as the verse states “Vichiper Admaso Amo.”[25] One who is buried in Eretz Yisrael is considered as if he was buried under the altar.[26] Other merits received for being buried in Eretz Yisrael include: 1) Resurrection without needing to be rolled in tunnels towards Eretz Yisrael. 2) Being saved from Chibut Hakever.[27] 3) Being saved from infestation. 4) The soul goes straight up to heaven, as Chazal state[28] that all the souls are elevated through Yerushalayim.[29] 5) The soul is able to return to its grave on every Shabbos and Rosh Chodesh without difficulty.[30]

Taking deceased out of Israel:[31] A person who passed away in Eretz Yisrael, or whose body was brought to Eretz Yisrael, may not be buried in the Diaspora.[32]

Taking deceased out of Jerusalem, and other holy cities: See Halacha D!

 

D. Choosing a cemetery and burial plot-Local cemetery/Family plots/Friends/Tzadikim:

Burying in the cemetery within one’s city versus a different city:[33] If there is a cemetery within one’s city, it is improper to bury the deceased in another area.[34] This, however, is with exception to if one desires to bury the deceased in Eretz Yisrael[35], or in a family plot that is in a different city.[36] Likewise, if the person instructed prior to his death as to where he desires to be buried [or already purchased a plot], then his wishes are to be respected even if he desired to be buried in a different city.[37] [In the above mitigating circumstances, it is permitted to bury him elsewhere even if doing so is belittling to the deceased, such as that it will delay the burial.[38] This is permitted even in Eretz Yisrael, and hence one who passed away in one city to be buried in another city, in the above mitigating circumstances. This is with exception to Yerushalayim, in which the age old custom, based on the directives of Geonei Eretz Yisrael, is not to bury one who passed away inside Yerushalayim, outside of Yerushalayim.[39] The same tradition applies regarding Chevron, that one who passed away inside Chevron, is not to be buried outside of Chevron, even within Yerushalayim.[40] This applies even if one’s family plot is in Jerusalem. Furthermore, many were accustomed to beware not to bury one who passed away in Tzefat or Tiberius, in a different city.[41] The above is only with regards to burying in a cemetery outside the city. However, if a city contains two cemeteries, one may be buried in the new and modern cemetery within the same city, and doing so does not contain a belittlement to the old cemetery.[42]]

Family plots:[43] Throughout history, people would have family designated burial spots, in which family members were buried, and doing so held extreme significance.[44] It was forbidden to sell such a burial plot to an outsider, and such a sale would be null and void and his money would be returned.[45] It is even permitted to unbury the remains of a person for the sake of reburying him in his family plot, as a person desires to be buried near his ancestors.[46] A woman who inherited a burial spot amongst her family’s plot may be buried within it, and have her children buried there. However, all descendants that she had not seen in her lifetime may not be buried there.[47] [Practically, it is better for children to be buried near the graves of their father as opposed to the grave of their mother, if the two are buried in different areas.[48]]

Where to bury a wife: If a woman chooses to be buried near her children, then her request is to be honored even though it is outside her family’s plot. If she did not give instructions, and the father desires to bury her near him, while the husband desires to bury her near him, then she is to be buried near her husband, although some understand that she is to be buried near her father.[49] If both the father and the husband state that they do not want her buried near them, she is to be buried near the husband.[50] [In all cases that she did not voice an opinion, she is buried near her husband. A divorcee, however, is to be buried by her family plot, and not by her husband.[51]]

Burying near a Tzadik, and near a Rasha and near a non-Frum Jew:[52] One may not bury a Rasha near a Tzaddik [and certainly may not bury a Tzadik near a Rasha]. Furthermore, one may not even bury a small Rasha near a great Rasha. Likewise, one may not bury a Tzadik and Kosher Jew, and certainly not a Beinoni,[53] near an exceptional Chassid. [The soul of Tzaddik is pained if it is buried near a Rasha.[54] Following this law, one is not to bury an observant Jew near a non-observant Jew, and based on this, many cemeteries today contain a Shomer Shabbos section, as explained in Halacha A, in the Q&A.[55]]

Baal Teshuvah:[56] It is permitted to bury a Baal Teshuvah [who is now a Tzadik] even near a Tzadik Gamur. [However, a Baal Teshuvah may not be buried near a Chassid.[57]]

Burying men next to women:[58] It is permitted to bury men and women near each other in a cemetery.[59] There is thus no requirement to have a men’s section or women’s section of burial. It was, and remains common, for husband and wife to purchase plots near each other and be buried side by side.[60] Nonetheless, some cemeteries are particular to designate separate areas or rows for burial of men and women. [This was the custom of Polish and Russian Jewry, and is the custom followed in Chabad sections of the cemeteries.] Other cemeteries are not particular in this matter. Practically, one is to follow the practice of his community and chosen cemetery. [Famously, the Maharal was buried near his wife, and so was Rebbe Akiva Eiger.]

Enemies:[61] Two people who hated each other during their lifetime are not to buried together [i.e. near each other].[62]

A grave dug for one’s parent:[63] If one dug a grave[64], or built a mausoleum for his father [or mother], and in the end buried his father elsewhere, it is forbidden for the child to ever be buried in that grave out of respect for his father. However, it is permitted for another individual to be buried there.

Q&A May a widow who remarried be buried near her first husband?[65] Yes. May a divorcee be buried near her ex-husband or vice versa? A divorcee is not to be buried near her ex-husband.[66] Nonetheless, some are lenient in this matter if the divorce did not occur due to marital strife.[67]

Purchasing a burial plot while one is alive: It is proper to purchase a burial plot during one’s lifetime.[68] It is said that purchasing a grave during one’s lifetime is a Segula for a long life.[69] In previous times, it was customary in Jerusalem for the parents of a groom and bride to purchase them burial spots in Har Hazeisim. In some cemeteries, it is customary to already dig the grave that was purchased by the living and cover it, thus already forming its hollow area for burial.[70]     Paying for the plot prior to the burial:[71] One is to be very careful to pay for the burial plot prior to the burial in order so the person is buried in a plot that is considered his. At the very least, one is to pay some of the money beforehand. [After the Rebbetzin passed away, the Rebbe was very careful to pay for all the expenses of the funeral and burial prior to the start of the procession.[72]] Payment for the plot should come from the personal money of the deceased and not from a friend or relative who is paying on his behalf.[73]

 

E. The distance between graves:

The minimal distance between two graves is 6 Tefachim [i.e. 48 centimeters].[74] [Thus] one may not bury two bodies side by side unless the board of the grave is separating between them [and the board is 6 Tefachim thick[75]]. The body is not to be buried side by side with other bones, and bones are not to be buried side by side with another body.[76] Likewise, one may not bury one casket on top of another casket, and if one did so, we force the upper casket to be removed.[77] However, if there is 6 Tefachim of earth between them then it is allowed.[78] [The above regulation only applies if it is possible to bury the bodies at a distance. If, however, there is no other viable burial option, such as there is no other cemetery available, and there is space in the cemetery, then certainly one may bury them next to each other even though there isn’t a six Tefach distance between them.[79] Accordingly, it was accustomed in many cemeteries to bury the dead without a six Tefach distance, as there was simply not enough burial space.[80] Nevertheless, one should keep a distance of 6 finger worth’s, 12 centimeters, between the graves.[81] If one places a wall or floor of stone or cement over or between the bodies, the custom is to be lenient to even initially only require 12 centemeters, and this certainly applies ina  time of need.[82]]

Burying parent with child or grandchild:[83] It is permitted to bury a father together with his small daughter [or granddaughter[84], and certainly his small son or grandson[85]], and a mother with her small son or small grandson [and certainly with her small daughter or granddaughter[86]]. The rule is that so long as the child is small enough to still sleep with the parent, they may be buried together. [This refers to the age in which a child of the opposite gender is still Halachically allowed to sleep with the parent. However, once the child is old enough to not be allowed to sleep with the parent of opposite gender, then they may not be buried together with a parent even of the same gender.[87] All the above refers to burying the two individuals simultaneously, however when burying one after the other, the custom is to have a 6 fingers, 12 centimeters, distance between the graves.[88]]

 

Burying a Nefel together with others in the same plot:[89] One may not bury a Nefel together with another Meis, and those who do so are to be protested.

F. Where to bury Kohanim:[90]

A Kohen whose relative passed away, is to be careful to bury him in the outskirts of the cemetery, in order so the Kohen relatives can attend the burial, and visit him, without passing through other graves in the cemetery. [Thus, it is customary to bury all Kohanim at the edge of the cemetery for this reason.] See Chapter 9 Halacha 3 for the full details of this matter!

____________________________________________________________________________

[1] See Sefer Umikarev Beyemin 22 for a general overview of this subject; Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:152; 3:157; Milamed Lehoil 2:127; Tuv Taam Vadaas 2:253; See Admur 526:6 “Since there is no Jewish cemetery there, it is not respectful to bury him there”; and 526:18 “One who dies in a city which contains a Jewish cemetery…”

[2] Shulchan Aruch and Nosei Keilim, however see Ritva Gittin 61a that it is forbidden to bury a gentile near a Jew

[3] Ritva ibid

[4] See Darkei Chesed p. 225; Sefer Umikarev Beyemin 22 for a general overview of this subject; Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:152; 3:157; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:716; 2:598

[5] Michaber 362:5

[6] Darkei Chesed p. 225; Teshuvos Vehanhagos ibid; Igros Moshe 2:152 that if the person was well known to be Michalel Shabbos in public then it is forbidden for the Chevra Kadisha to bury him near one who was Shomer Shabbos, or vice versa. If however it was not public knowledge that the person was Michalel Shabbos, even though it is known to certain individuals, then it is permitted to bury him near one who was Shomer Shabbos, unless the deceased who was Shomer Shabbos explicitly stated that he does not want to be buried near one who is rumored to have desecrated Shabbos, or transgressed another sin; Rav Yaakov Roza, Chief Rabbi of the Chevra Kadisha in Israel, related to me in a correspondence like the opinion of the Teshuvos Vehanhagos and Igros Moshe ibid

[7] Seridei Eish 2:98; Misgeres Hashulchan p. 179 that today we are no longer particular in this law; See Igros Moshe 3:157 that states one may bury a non-Frum Jew near a Frum Jew as he still has Kedushas Yisrael and wants to be buried in a Jewish cemetery according to Jewish law, and only gentiles, or Jews that rebel against Torah and Mitzvos and do not have a portion in the world to come must be distanced from a Jewish cemetery; However see Igros Moshe 2:152 that clearly states it is forbidden to bury a Michalel Shabbos near one who was Shabbos observant. See Koveitz Techumin 17 for an article by Harav Bakshi Doron that today the Chevra Kadisha is no longer particular in this matter. Vetzaruch Iyun also from the fact that we do not find any special Shomer Shabbos plots in the old cemeteries in Europe and Russia, and thus how were they careful to follow the above law! Rav Eli Landau told me that he is unsure regarding whether the custom is to be particular in this matter, and he did not receive any directive from his father in the issue. Rav Y.S. Ginzberg related likewise, Rav Chaiken, in a correspondence, related that while it is praiseworthy to be particular, it is not obligated by the cemeteries and many are accustomed to be lenient.

[8] Igros Moshe 2:152

[9] Sefer Chassidim 707 to distance 8 Amos from a Menuda; Gilyon Maharsha 362:5 regarding a Mumar; Milameid Lehoil 2:115; Igros Moshe 2:152; 3:157 that one is to make a fence of 10 Tefachim around the gentile and distance it 8 Amos; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:716 that by a Tinok Shenishba a four Ama distance suffices, however in 2:598 he requires an 8 Ama distance; See 362:3;

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it suffices to distance him four Amos. [Imrei Yosher 2:3]

[10] Igros Moshe ibid; See Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:716

[11] So I was told by Harav Y.S. Ginzberg that so is the custom in Russia.

[12] Teshuvos Vehanhagos 2:598

[13] See Yoreh Deah 362:5; Sanhedrin 47a that one is not to bury a Rasha next to a Tzaddik, which is the source we find for the custom of having a Jewish cemetery that is free of gentiles. Based on this, It would likewise be prohibited to bury a Jewish Rasha near a gentile, and hence one with a Tattoo may not be buried with gentiles even though he has committed a sin. See Igros Moshe 147 that even a Jew who is married to a gentile must be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

[14] See Igros Moshe Y.D. 3:147

[15] Gilyon Maharsha 362; See Sefer Chassidim 707 to distance 8 Amos from a Menuda; Milameid Lehoil 2:115; Igros Moshe 2:152; 3:157 that one is to make a fence of 10 Tefachim around the gentile and distance it 8 Amos; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:716 that by a Tinok Shenishba a four Ama distance suffices, however in 2:598 he requires an 8 Ama distance; See 362:3;

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it suffices to distance him four Amos. [Imrei Yosher 2:3]

[16] Michaber Y.D. 365:2; C.M. 155:23; Mishneh Bava Basra 25a

The reason: As cemeteries and graves give off foul odor, which is damaging to the city inhabitants. [Shach 365:1 in name of Rambam and Michaber C.M. ibid] Alternatively, it is in order so the city inhabitants don’t constantly see the graves and be in a melancholy state of mind. [Levush, brought, and negated, in Shach ibid]

[17] Beis Hillel 365

[18] See Gesher Hachaim 27:8

Laws relating to transporting the body: See Nitei Gavriel 131:4-5

[19] See Michaber 363:1-2

[20] Michaber 363:1; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 94:19

[21] Michaber 363:2; Rebbe Lezer in Yerushalmi Kilayim 8:4; Rebbe Eliezer in Midrash Raba Vayechi; Rav Huna was brought to Eretz Yisrael as stated in Moed Katan 25a; See Gesher Hachaim 27:8

Other opinions: Some are of the opinion that one should not bring a body from the Diaspora to be buried in Eretz Yisrael, and one who does so defiles the land with impurity. [Rebbe Bar Kiria in Yerushalmi Kilayim 9:3; Rebbe in Midrash Raba ibid; Zohar Teruma 141; See Gesher Hachaim ibid]

[22] Teshuvah Ral Ben Chaviv 63; Pischeiy Teshuvah 363:2

[23] So I received from various members of Chevra Kadisha; See Igros Kodesh 17:333, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:259, for a case where a Tnaiy was made to rebury in Eretz Yisrael

[24] See all three letters of Rebbe ibid

[25] Shach 363:3

[26] Kesubos 111a

[27] Gesher Hachaim ibid; See however Meiam Loeiz ibid that this only applies to one who is buried on Erev Shabbos after midday in Eretz Yisrael

[28] Midrash Raba Vayikra

[29] Gesher Hachaim ibid; see also Meiam Loez Vayechi p. 794

[30] See Meiam Loez ibid

[31] Gesher Hachaim 2:11; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 94:20

[32] See Kesubos 110b

[33] Michaber 363:2; See Admur 526:18; Nitei Gavriel 131

[34] Michaber ibid; Beis Lechem Yehuda 362 in name of Rav Yehuda Hachassid in Tzavah 11; Sefer Chassidim 709 and 450; See Nitei Gavriel 131:3 in name of Gesher Hachaim that today the custom is to no longer be careful in this matter and people are transferred for burial in other cities even if there is a cemetery in the city they passed away.

The reason: As it is a belittlement to those buried in that city that one refuses to be buried there. [Shach 363:4] This causes those buried there to become angry. [Beis Lechem Yehuda ibid]

[35] Michaber ibid

[36] Rama ibid

[37] Rama ibid

[38] See Radbaz 611; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 131 footnote 2

[39] Gesher Hachaim 27:8

The reason: Although there is no law which prohibits one from leaving Jerusalem, this became accustomed to show extra deference to Jerusalem, especially in light of the fact that the Mikdash below is parallel to the Mikdash above. [Gesher Hachaim 27:8]

[40] Gesher Hachaim 27:8

The reason: As the entrance to Gan Eden is in Chevron, and from there the soul of the deceased travels to Gan Eden. [ibid]

[41] Gesher Hachaim 27:8

[42] Tiferes Tzi 1:59; Pischeiy Teshuvah 363:1

[43] See Michaber 366:1-4; Mishneh Sanhedrin 47a; Chasam Sofer 331; Beis Lechem Yehuda 362; Gesher Hachaim 27:6; Darkei Chesed 17:14; Nitei Gavriel 2:93:1-2; Toras Menachem 5749 3:140, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:256

[44] So is described in Poskim ibid as well as various areas of scripture, as brought in Gesher Hachaim 27:8

[45] Michaber Y.D. 366:1 and C.M. 217:7 regarding a person who sold his family burial spot, that his relatives may bury him there against the will of the buyer and return the money to the buyer; Bava Basra 100b; Rashba 369; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 93:1

The reason: As it is a belittlement for the family to not be buried together [and have a non-family member buried there]. [Shach 366:2; Smeh 217:14]

[46] Michaber 363:1

[47] Michaber 366:2

The reason: As her descendants are known after the family name of the father, and it is thus a belittlement for the family for them to be buried there. [Shach 366:3]

[48] Yosef Daas 366; Mishmeres Shalom Kuf 20; Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 93:2

[49] Michaber 366:3

[50] Michaber 366:4

The reason: As the husband is the one obligated in her burial. [Shach 366:4]

[51] Gesher Hachaim 27:6; See there regarding where to bury a woman who was a widow and married a second husband.

[52] Michaber 362:5; Mishneh Sanhedrin 46a and Gemara 47a

Is this Biblical, Rabbinical, or a custom? Some Poskim rule that this law is a Biblical obligation, and a tradition of Moshe from Sinai [Chasam Sofer 341; Minchas Elazar 2:41; Igros Moshe 2:152; Teshuvos Vehanhagos as so is learned from the above Mishneh regarding Harugei Beis Din] Others rule that this law is a Rabbinical obligation. [Dvar Mishpat] Others rule that this law is a mere custom. [Maharil Semachos 10]

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that it is permitted to bury a Tzaddik near a Rasha and the ruling in the above Mishneh is limited to only Harugei Beis Din. [Chasam Sofer ibid in opinion of Rambam who omitted this Halacha]

[53] Shach 362:5; Taz 362:1

[54] Story brought in Sefer Chassidim 705 that it is like being buried near a bathroom that has a foul smell; Maharil ibid that the soul of the Tzadik is not revealed the secrets of heaven if he has a Rasha neighbor.

[55] Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:152; 3:157; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:716; 2:598

[56] Rama ibid

[57] Shach 362:6 in name of Bach

[58] See Darkei Chesed 17:15 and Nitei Gavriel vol. 2 93:5 for the various customs in this matter

[59] See Michaber 362:4; Mavor Yabok Sefas Emes 9; Imrei Eish 117

[60] See Nitei Gavriel vol. 2 93:5-8 for various customs of burying a husband and wife near each other, and what to do if she was divorced, or a widow who remarried, or did not get along; See Divrei Malkiel 4:72

[61] Michaber 362:6; Sefer Chassidim Tzavah 1; Rabbeinu Yerucham; Levush 362:6; See Shvus Yaakov 2:96; Minchas Elazar 4:3; Beir Moshe 8:114; Nitei Gavriel 75:13

[62] The reason: As even in their death they will not find tranquility. [Sefer Chassidim ibid]

[63] Michaber 364:7

[64] See Shach 364:15

[65] See Mavor Yabok 2:7; Zera Emes 2:246; Maharsham 9:96; Rav Poalim Sod Yesharim 2; Yosef Daas Y.D. 366; Mishmeres Shalom Kuf 24; Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:153; Minchas Yitzchak 3:106; Gesher Hachaim 27:6; Nitei Gavriel vol. 2 93:8

[66] See Gesher Hachaim p. 294; Nitei Gavriel vol. 2 93:6-7

[67] Rav Yaakov Ruza [Head of Chevra Kadisha in Eretz Yisrael]; Chevra Kadisha Beit Shemesh; If the couple were not considered enemies during their lifetime then there is no reason to prohibit doing so, especially if this is the wishes of the father/mother.

[68] See Midrash Raba Vayikra 5 “A person needs to have a nail in the cemetery so he merit to be buried in that area.”; Mavor Yabok p. 208 “It is a great honor for a person to be buried in his burial plot, and therefore the custom is to purchase a plot while alive”; Shiltei Hagiborim Sanhedrin 6; Maharam Mintz 18; Chasam Sofer 330; Sdei Chemed 165; Shaareiy Tzedek Y.D. 27; Yaskil Avdi Y.D .30 that so is custom in Israel; Gesher Hachaim 27:7; Nitei Gavriel 75:4

[69] See Orchos Rabbeinu 4:108

[70] Gesher Hachaim ibid

[71] Mishmeres Shalom Kuf 131; See Chasam Sofer 330-331; Seridei Eish 2:100; Gesher Hachaim 27:7 “The Kever must be his as we learn from Avraham, and hence many are accustomed to purchase a plot in their lifetime, and if they didn’t, then their heirs pay for it before the burial”; Darkei Chesed 17:7; Nitei Gavriel 75:4; See Igros Kodesh 21:230, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:258, that the Rebbe urged for the plot to be paid by the Yeshiva whom the deceased donated his money to, and under no circumstances should he be buried without payment for the plot “as with such things we do not start up”

[72] Nitei Gavriel 75:4 footnote 8

[73] See Igros Kodesh 22:80, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:258

[74] Michaber 362:4; Tur 362:4 in name of Rav Haiy Gaon; See Gesher Hachaim 27:5

[75] Teshuvas Chacham Tzevi 149, brought in Gilyon Maharsha 362:3 and Yad Avraham 362 that the Michaber was not accurate with his words, as one requires a 6 Tefach distance, especially by soft earth; Rav Akiva Eiger 362; However, see Bach 362 who implies that a board is considered a Mechitza, and hence 6 Tefachim is not required. See also Gesher Hachaim 27:5 that if there is a wall, we are lenient to have a thickness of 6 fingers worth [12 cm]

[76] Michaber 362:3

[77] Michaber 362:4; Tzavah Reb Yehuda Hachassid 3 that if one does so, someone will certainly die in the city within nine days.

[78] Michaber 362:4; See Beis Yosef 362 and Rav Akiva Eiger 362:4 that by caskets, a three Tefach distance suffices; See Gesher Hachaim 27:5 who negates this approach

[79] Shach 364:4; Implication of Rav Haiy Gaon; Shvus Yaakov 2:95, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 362:3, that these regulations were only established in an area with a lot of burial land available.

[80] Shvus Yaakov 2:95, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 362:3; Gesher Hachaim 27:5; Darkei Chesed 17:3

[81] See Chochmas Adama Matzeivas Moshe 10 that he found a Heter for having only 6 Etzbao’s between the graves, but any less is stealing from the Meisim; Gesher Hachaim 27:5; In a case of mass death or murder r”l, only a small Mechitza is made between the bodies.

[82] Gesher Hachaim ibid, and that in a time of need, one can have 12 centemeters even without the wall, as stated previously.

[83] Michaber ibid

[84] Shach 362:3; Perisha 362

[85] See Shach 362:3

[86] See Shach 362:3

[87] Shach 362:3

The age for sleeping together: Parents and grandparents may co-sleep with children of any age or gender if both are properly clothed. If not properly clothed, the parent/grandparent may not co-sleep with a child of opposite gender once the child: a) reaches age 11 for a girl, 12 for a boy; b) has grown signs of puberty; c) Is embarrassed to be undressed in front of the other. [See Michaber Even Haezer 21:7; Michaber O.C. 73:3-4 and Admur 73:3 regarding Shema; Mishneh Kiddushin 80b]

[88] Gesher Hachaim 27:6

[89] See Letter of Rav Gavriel Tzinner to Rav SZ”A and Rav Neiman of Montreal, printed in Nitei Gavriel page 749, that the custom in New York is to bury a Nefel together with another Meis, and he told the Chevra Kadisha in New York to have at least a three Tefach distance between the Nefel and Meis. Rav SZ”A and Rav Neiman replied as above that the burial is to be done a distance from the grave and one is not to bury them together.

[90] Michaber 373:7; Rambam Avel 2; Rivash 124; Chochmas Adam 160:6; Aruch Hashulchan 373:10; Nitei Gavriel 75:2