4. Who is obligated to pay for the burial expenses of a relative who died?

* This article is an excerpt from the above Sefer

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4. Who is obligated to pay for the burial expenses of a relative who died?[1]

Wife passed away:[2] If one’s wife passes away, it is the husband’s obligation to pay for the burial expenses.

Father passes away, or unmarried mother: The children are obligated to purchase a burial plot for their father or mother, if the parent did not do so prior to passing away, and left an inheritance for their children.[3] If however they did not leave any inheritance for their children, then the children are not obligated to pay for the burial expenses, and the expense rather falls onto the community.[4] Other Poskim[5] however rule that this only applies if the deceased pronounced prior to death that he does not want to be buried from his assets. However, if he did not make any statement, then even if the children did not receive any inheritance from the parents, nevertheless they are obligated and enforced to pay for the expenses if they can afford to do so.

No husband or children:[6] If a person passed away without leaving any money, and does not have a husband or children, then the father is to cover the expenses.

What expenses are included in the above obligation?[7] The above obligation includes all the expenses involved in the commonly done burial of that family. It includes even the tombstone/Matzeiva that is later erected on the grave.

What is done if the deceased has no money, or relatives who can afford to pay for the burial?[8] In the event that a pauper passes away without any known relatives who can cover the expenses of the funeral, then it is the responsibility of the Chevra Kadisha [or community] to cover the expenses, and they reimburse costs through payments and donations from the wealthy. If a certain sum of money was collected on behalf of the burial of the deceased, and some of the money remained after the burial, then the leftover money is to be given to the heirs of the deceased, or [if there are no known heirs] it is to be used for other burials.[9] The same applies for any item which was collected on behalf of the deceased, and in the end was not needed to be used.[10]

 

Q&A

May children use Maaser money for the burial expenses of a parent?[11] Children may not use Maaser money to purchase a plot, or Matzeiva, for their father or mother.[12]   May a husband use Maaser money for the burial expenses of his wife? No, as stated above regarding children.  
  Paying for the plot prior to the burial:[13] One is to be very careful to pay for the burial plot prior to the burial in order so the person is buried in a plot that is considered his. At the very least, one is to pay some of the money beforehand. [After the Rebbetzin passed away, the Rebbe was very careful to pay for all the expenses of the funeral and burial prior to the start of the procession.[14]] Payment for the plot should come from the personal money of the deceased and not from a friend or relative who is paying on his behalf.[15]   Tikkun for children who did not properly, or honorably, bury their parents:[16] On one occasion, the Rebbe instructed the following to be done as a Tikkun for a child who did not perform the burial as required: 1.      The sons should donate charity on behalf of two Kosher Jews who are deceased and then visit them by their grave and ask them to tell their parents that they ask for forgiveness. 2.      To learn extra Torah on the day of their Yartzite, especially Miseches Mikvaos and Chassidus. 3.      To be careful in the honor of those who have taught them Torah.   Dream of deceased parent:[17] On one occasion, the Rebbe instructed a child who had a dream of their deceased mother, to make sure that the burial was done properly, and to check their Mezuzos.
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[1] See Michaber 348:2; Choshen Mishpat 253:31

[2] Michaber Even Haezer 89:1; Admur 71:1; Shach 366:4; Aruch Hashulchan 348:2

[3] Michaber 348:2; Choshen Mishpat 253:31

[4] Shach 348:5 as is implication of Michaber ibid; Aruch Hashulchan ibid

[5] Maharam Mintz 51-53; Chavos Yair 139; Beis Hillel ibid; Gilyon Maharsha; Aruch Hashulchan ibid rules they are obligated to pay in call cases, even if the father said the above.

[6] See Gilyon Maharsha 348:2; Raavan 33

[7] Michaber ibid

[8] See Michaber 356:1; Gesher Hachaim p. 143; Nitei Gavriel 75:5

[9] Michaber 356:1; Mishneh end of Shekalim chapter 2

The reason: Although the money collected does not legally belong to the deceased, as Hazmanah Lav Milsa Hi, nevertheless, it is given to the heirs being that the deceased was shamed by this collection, and he thus only agreed to it if his heirs would have the benefit of receiving its leftovers. [See Shach 356:1; Taz 356:1]

[10] Shach 356:1

[11] Minchas Shlomo 2:97-11; Maaser Kesafim 14:56; Shraga Hameir 5:43

[12] The reason: As we rule like the Poskim who say the children are obligated to pay for the burial even if they did not receive an inheritance. [See Michaber 348:2; Choshen Mishpat 253:31; Maharam Mintz 51-53; Beis Hillel ibid; Gilyon Maharsha; Aruch Hashulchan 348:2]

[13] Mishmeres Shalom Kuf 131; See Chasam Sofer 330-331; Seridei Eish 2:100; Gesher Hachaim 27:7 “The Kever must be his as we learn from Avraham, and hence many are accustomed to purchase a plot in their lifetime, and if they didn’t, then their heirs pay for it before the burial”; Darkei Chesed 17:7; Nitei Gavriel 75:4; See Igros Kodesh 21:230, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:258, that the Rebbe urged for the plot to be paid by the Yeshiva whom the deceased donated his money to, and under no circumstances should he be buried without payment for the plot “as with such things we do not start up”

[14] Nitei Gavriel 75:4 footnote 8

[15] See Igros Kodesh 22:80, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:258

[16] Igros Kodesh 4:120, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:261

[17] Igros Kodesh 15:444, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:262

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