3. Who to honor as Sandek:[1]

One should choose as the Sandek the individual who is most good and righteous in order so he have the proper concentrations upon holding the child during the circumcision, and hence influence that the child be righteous like him. Hence a Sandek should only be chosen due to his righteousness, and not due to one’s friendship with him, unless the friend is in truth also righteous.[2]

Grandfather:[3] Some are accustomed to honor their father with the position of Sandek upon the birth of their firstborn son. The husband’s father is honored to be Sandek for the firstborn son while the wife’s father is honored to be Sandek for the second son.[4] Others are accustomed to honor the husband’s grandfather to be Sandek for the firstborn son.[5] However, since one is required to proceed his own father to be Sandek, over his father’s father, he therefore must receive permission from his father to do so.[6] In the event that the father of the child was the Sandek for his firstborn son, then by their second son the father of the wife receives precedence to be Sandek over the father of the husband.[7]

Woman:[8] A woman is not to be the Sandek if a man is available to do it, being that this is considered Peritzus. Nonetheless, she may help her husband [who is Sandek] and bring the child to the shul and hand him to her husband who will then sit as Sandek. Nonetheless, it is valid if the man does everything himself without the help of the woman. [Practically, it is not customary today for the wife of the Sandek to be involved in the handing of the baby to her husband, although a similar custom is practiced in the form of the Kevatrin.]

Father of the child: It is permitted and praiseworthy for a father to be the Sandek for [one of] his son’s Bris, and so is the custom.[9] Some even learn that it is commensurate to him bein`n g the actual Mohel, and fulfills the Mitzvah of personally circumcising his son.[10] When the father is the Sandek, he says the blessing of Lehachniso while sitting.[11] [However, this should only be done if none of the grandfathers will be offended in not receiving the honor, such as if they will not be present by the Bris, or have already been the Sandek of one of his previous sons, in which case we do not honor him twice.] Regarding whether a father may be a Sandek more than once for his sons, although some Poskim[12] argue for allowance, practically the custom is not to do so, and hence a father can merit himself one time to be the Sandek of one of his sons.[13]

Husband versus wife:[14] If the husband and wife cannot agree on who should be the Sandek, each one desiring to choose their relative, then one is to choose whichever one of the two candidates is the greatest in Torah learning and good deeds. If both are of equal stature, then the husbands relative comes first. [However, by the first two sons, the husband gets to choose his father to be the Sandek, and the wife gets to choose her father to be the Sandek by the second son, as stated above.]

[1] Rama 264:1; Levush 264:1; Maharil ibid; Shevach Habris 17:3; See Os Shalom 264:7; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 264:5

[2] Migdal Oz Nachal 9; See Sefer Chassidim 973; Maharil Hilchos Mila; Shelah Hilchos Mila; Shemiras Hanefesh 138; Kaf Hachaim 116:183; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 150:1; Shevach Habris 17:4

[3] Shevach Habris 17:4; See Pesakim Uteshuvos 264:5 footnote 31

[4] Masa Chaim Falagi Mareeches Sandek 156; Chaim Bayad 75 that so is custom of IZHMIR; Bris Avos 5:13;

[5] Leket Yosher p. 52

The reason: As there is a tradition which states that one who is a Sandek to his great-grandson will not see the face of purgatory. [Leket Yosher ibid]

[6] Leket Yosher p. 52

[7] Chaim Bayad ibid

[8] Rama ibid

[9] Implication of Leket Yosher p. 52; Pela Yoeitz Erech Mila “It is proper for the father of the child to be the Sandek, as he is like an altar to offer his son as a Karban, and it atones for him”; Sheilas Yaavetz 1:74; Chasam sofer O.C. 158 [as is evident from his discussion regarding father doing twice]; Shivim Temarim on Tzavah Os 40; Rav Poalim Y.D. 2:35 in length that it is even better for him to be the Sandek then to be the Mohel even if he knows how to do Milah, and that if he holds the child’s thighs down and helps the Mohel do the Mila, then he himself is considered like the Mohel, as Misayeia Keoseh; Divrei Malkiel 4:86; Otzer Habris Vol. 1 Chapter 3 14:3 [p.197]; Igros Kodesh 12:444; Shevet Hakehasi 10:343; Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:30 footnote 269; Shevach Habris 17:6; See Teshuvos Vehanhagos 6:192

Explanation: Although it is customary for the father to honor the child’s grandfather or distinguished individual to be the Sandek, there is no issue whatsoever for the father of the child to be the Sandek of his son, at least for one of his sons, and so is customary of many, and so is evident from all the Poskim who discuss the question of whether the father may be Sandek for more than one of his sons. Furthermore, some Poskim explicitly encourage the father to be the Sandek, and for him to take this honor to himself in order so he merit its greatness which is compared to offering the Ketores incense. Furthermore, some Poskim even rule that it is better that the father be the Sandek than to be the Mohel, even if he is a professional Mohel, in order to merit the greatness of the Sandakaus, which the Poskim rule is even greater than the position of Mohel. Furthermore, they state that when the Sandek holds the child and positions him in a way for the circumcision to take place, then he is considered as an assistant to the Mohel, and hence although it is initially proper for the father to be the Mohel if he knows to do so, if he is the Sandek, it is considered as if he is also actively performing the Milah.

[10] Rav Poalim Y.D. 2:35; See Admur 328:3 and 21 and 340:2; Chacham Tzevi 82; Kelalei Hamila p. 66

[11] Pesakim Uteshuvos 265:28 footnote 253

[12] Siddur Yaavetz; Shivim Temarim on Tzavah Os 40

[13] Chasam Sofer O.C. 158 [that so is the custom, although he questions this on the basis that a Kohen may withhold his Matnaos for himself]; Igros Kodesh 12:444 [in answer to Rav Meir Avtzon a”h who wanted to be a Sandek a second time by one of his sons Mila]; Shevach Habris 17:6

[14] Bris Avos 5:23

[15] Kneses Yechezkal 35