13. Proof of death-Mourning if there is no identified body of the deceased:[1]

In all cases that the body is missing or unidentifiable, and death cannot be determined to the point that the wife of the deceased can remarry [as explained in Even Haezer chapter 17], then the relatives do not sit Shiva or Shloshim.[2] [If the death has been Halachically determined, the relatives may sit Shiva even if knowledge of this has not yet reached the wife.[3]]

Deceased was not married or is a female:[4] If the deceased was not married, then some Poskim[5] rule that one begins sitting Shiva and Shloshim as soon as word spreads of the persons death [or if majority of people die as a result of whatever occurrence happened to the deceased[6]], and they give up hope of retrieving the body for burial. Other Poskim[7], however, rule that one always requires the same level of proof as required to allow a wife to remarry when a married man passes away, in order to sit Shiva/Shloshim. [This dispute would seemingly likewise apply if a woman passes away, whether married or single.] Practically, the relatives may choose to be stringent to mourn the deceased even if sufficient proof has not been brought to allow a wife to remarry.[8]

Sons saying Kaddish in above cases:[9] Some Poskim[10]  rule that whenever Shiva/Shloshim is not kept due to insufficient proof of death, then likewise Kaddish is not recited by the sons.[11] However, the sons may go up for Maftir and Daven for the Amud on occasion, and should do other matters for the merit of his soul such as giving charity.[12] Other Poskim[13], however, rule that the sons may say Kaddish.

Mourning if person was a Goses: A person in a state of Goses is assumed to not be able to live for more than three days, and hence he can be assumed to be dead after the passing of three days, and his relatives are to mourn him, if they are out of town and have no way of verifying whether he is still alive. See Chapter 2 Halacha 1A for the full details of this subject!

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[1] Shach 375:7 and Taz 375:3; in implication of Michaber 375:7 who writes “Mayim Sheyeish Lahem Sof”; Rama E.H. 17:5; Beis Yosef 375 in name of Ittur in name of Teshuvos Harif; Gilyon Maharsha 375

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that so long as the word of if death has spread, and the relatives give up hope of finding the body, they begin Shiva even though the wife may not yet Halachically remarry. [Rav Haiy and Sherira Gaon, brought in Tur 375 and Shach ibid; Mishkanos Yaakov 69, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:3, that so rule majority of Rishonim such as Raavan, Maharam, Rashba, Rosh and Tur, and so is implied from Michaber 339:2]

[2] The reason: As allowing them to mourn can cause a great mishap to occur, as people who saw the relatives in mourning will testify that the woman’s husband passed away and allow her to remarry even though in truth there was not sufficient Halachic proof to allow her to remarry, and she is thus stumbling on the prohibition of Eishes Ish. [Shach ibid; Poskim ibid]

[3] See Shvus Yaakov 2:114; Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:3

[4] See Chasam Sofer 344, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:3; See Ezras Nashim E.H. 17:2, brought in Rebbe Akiva Eiger 375:7 that perhaps we apply a Lo Plug to even one who is not married, and that the level of proof required to allow a wife to remarry is required here as well, or if we do not extend it to where one is single and hence, one who is not married is to be mourned as soon as the rumor of his death has spread.

[5] Shvus Yaakov 1:103; Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid

[6] See Mishkanos Yaakov 69, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:3

[7] Implication of Shach 375:7 [so writes Chasam Sofer ibid]; Conclusion of Ezras Nashim E.H. 17:2 [of Maharam Chaviv]

[8] Chasam Sofer ibid “One who chooses to mourn, may do so and is blessed, as he relies on the ruling of the Shvus Yaakov”

[9] Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:3

[10] Chinuch Beis Yosef 91, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid; Gilyon Maharsha 375

[11] The reason: As allowing them to say Kaddish can cause a great mishap to occur, as people who see this will testify that the woman’s husband passed away and allow her to remarry even though in truth there was not sufficient Halachic proof to allow her to remarry, and she is thus stumbling on the prohibition of Eishes Ish. [ibid]

[12] Poskim ibid

[13] Dissenting opinion in Chinuch Beis Yosef ibid; Mishkanos Yaakov 69, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 375:3, rules that in truth most Poskim rule that even Aveilus may be kept, and certainly Kaddish may be said; Kneses Yechezkal 53 permits them to say Kaddish in the house of the wife.