1. The prohibition/obligation:

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1. The prohibition/obligation:[1]

It is forbidden for a mourner [who sits Shiva] to eat his own food during the first meal that he eats [after the burial, which is the first meal eaten after the start of Shiva].[2] He is therefore to be provided food by others for his first meal [as explained in Halacha 3]. From the second meal and onwards he may eat his own foods, even on the first day of Shiva.[3] Likewise, from the second day and onwards, he may eat his own food even if he did not eat a Seudas Havraah on the first day.[4] Thus, if for whatever reason the meal was not served on the first day, such as the burial took place close to sunset, the mourners may eat their own foods as soon as nightfall begins.[5]

If there is no one available to send him food:[6] In the event that the mourner was not sent any food, or he is alone in the city, he is not required to starve himself and not eat at all, and may rather partake from his own food.[7] [Nevertheless, it is best, if possible, for the mourner to fast until the nighttime.[8] This however is with exception to Chol Hamoed, Rosh Chodesh, Purim, and Erev Yom Kippur in which case one is not to fast.[9]]

If the Avel does not desire to eat:[10] The mourner is not obligated to eat a Seudas Havraah, provided by other people, so long as he does not eat anything of his own until the 2nd day of Shiva. Thus, if the mourner desires to fast from after the burial until the start of the second day of mourning, he may do so.[11]  Once the second day of mourning has begun, he may eat even the first meal from his own food. The second day is considered to have begun from after nightfall of the first day of Shiva.[12]

 

Q&A

May one snack on his own food prior to the Seudas Havraah?

Some Poskim[13] rule it is permitted for the mourner to eat all foods and drinks other than bread [and Mezonos products that are Pas Haba Bekisnin[14]] prior to the Seudas Havraah.[15] Other Poskim[16] rule it is forbidden for the mourners to eat any foods of their own prior to the Seudas Havraah, although they may drink.[17] Other Poskim[18] rule the person must fast, and may neither eat nor drink, until he eats the Seudas Havraah. Practically, the Avel is not to eat, although may drink, beforehand.[19]

Havdalah:[20] If the death took place on Shabbos or directly after Shabbos and the mourner did not perform Havdalah prior to the death, then if the burial took place before Tuesday night, he is to make Havdalah prior to eating the Seudas Havraah. He may make Havdalah using even his own wine.

May one eat also his own food during the Seudas Havraah?

Some Poskim[21] rule it is forbidden for the mourners to eat any of their own food during the Seudas Havraah and all the food must be catered by others. Other Poskim[22] however rule that only the bread and eggs need to be provided by others while all other foods may be eaten from the mourner’s own food. Practically, it is best to first recite Birchas Hamazon and only then to eat one’s own food. However, the widespread custom is to be lenient to only require the bread and eggs to be catered by someone else, while other foods such as chicken and the like, can be eaten from one’s own food even before Bentching.

If the mourner mistakenly ate a meal of his own food prior to the Seudas Havraah, is he still to be catered the Seudas Havraah for his next meal?[23]

There is no obligation for him to partake in the Seudas Havraah if he already ate a meal of his own food. [Nevertheless, the custom is to do so.[24]]

May the mourner eat Hefker food as his Seudas Havraah?[25]

No. It is thus forbidden to eat even ownerless food until he is served the meal.

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[1] Michaber 378:1; Rambam Avel 4:9; Moed Katan 27b

[2] The reason: As the verse [Yechezkal 24:17] states that Hashem told Yechezkal “and bread of man you shall not eat.” From here we learn that in general, a mourner is to eat the bread of others. [Moed Katan ibid] This prohibition was made in order to encourage others in giving him food and hence comforting him for his loss. [Or Zarua 2:430; Levush 378] Alternatively, the mourner is saddened and does not care to eat at all, and hence he was prohibited from eating in order so others bring him food and “force” him to eat. [Rabbeinu Yerucham; Beis Yosef 378; Perisha; Chochmas Adam 163:5] Alternatively, as the mourner is required to mourn especially on the first day, and if he was allowed to eat his own food he will not mourn properly, while if he eats others food he will not eat as much. [Shevet Yehuda 378:1] In addition, the food in the mourners home on the first day contains an evil spirit and it is hence unbefitting that he eats from it then. [Shevet Yehuda ibid; Mavor Yabok Sefas Emes 28]

[3] Michaber ibid; Rosh Moed Katan 89; Hagahos Maimanis 4:9 in name of Semag; Eshkol Aveilus 45; Kol Bo Avel 114; Or Zarua; Mordechai

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden for the mourner to eat his own food throughout the entire first day of Siva, irrelevant of the number meal he is eating that day. [Tosfos Moed Katan ibid, brought in Gr”a; Implication of Rambam Avel 4:9, as brought in Beis Yosef 378; Rokeiach, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger 378; Tanya Rabasi 68; Shivlei Haleket Semachos 23; Raavan end of Moed Katan; Opinion in Kitzur SHU”A 205:1] Some are accustomed for the Aveilim to have food catered by others throughout the entire Shiva. The reason is because it is forbidden to do Melacha during Shiva and the paupers may not have what to eat. [Rabbeinu Yerucham, brought in Beir Hagoleh 378; The Beir Hagoleh concludes that so is the custom of the Sephardim]

[4] Michaber and Rama 378:3; Shach 378:5

[5] Rama 378:4

[6] Taz 378:1; Meiri Moed Katan 27a

[7] The reason: As the main Mitzvah of the Seudas Havraah is for the neighbors to provide food in order to prevent the mourner from resorting to eating his own food, and hence if there is no food sent to him he may eat his own food. [Taz ibid]

[8] Derech Hachaim; Chochmas Adam 169:5; Kitzur SHU”A 205:2; See Nitei Gavriel 84:18 footnote 27

[9] Darkei Hachaim ibid

[10] Michaber 378:3; Ramban; Yerushalmi; M”A 581:12; Shach 378:4

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is forbidden for the Avel to fast on the first day of Shiva and he must partake in the Seudas Havraah meal. [Shivlei Haleket, brought in M”A ibid; Hagahos Ashri Moed Katan 89 in name of Or Zarua Aveilus 430, brought in Beis Yosef 378]

[11] Shach 378:4; Bach; M”A ibid

[12] Shach 378:5

[13] Aruch Hashulchan 378:2; Chochmas Shlomo 378; See Zera Emes 2:156 that only mentions Pas Haba Bekisnin as part of the prohibition

[14] Zera Emes ibid

[15] The reason: As the main aspect of the catered meal is the bread, as stated in Yechezkel ibid, and hence other foods are not restricted against being eaten. [ibid]

[16] Divrei Malkiel 2:97 [concludes that custom is not to eat other foods]; Gesher Hachaim 20:2; Yabia Omer 2:25; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 83 footnote 7

[17] The reason: As there is no obligation to serve bread by the Seudas Havraah, as seen from the fact that it suffices to serve eggs and/or lentils. [ibid]

[18] Kitzur SHU”A 196:10 in name of Lashon Chachamim, Yosef Ometz and Binyan Yehoshua; See Darkei Chaim Veshalom 982; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 83 footnote 9-10

[19] Gesher Hachaim ibid; See Nitei Gavriel ibid that h should neither eat or drink anything beforehand

[20] Kitzur SHU”A ibid; Gesher Hachaim ibid; See Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 83 footnote 7

[21] Yosef Ometz p. 329; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 83:5 footnote 11

[22] Aruch Hashulchan 378:2; Darkei Hachaim 5:2; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 83:23 footnote 41 who argue on this ruling

[23] Noda Beyehuda 98; Darkei Hachaim 5 footnote 10; Gesher Hachaim 20:2

[24] See Gesher Hachaim ibid

[25] Meishiv Davar 2:131

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