1. Prayers in the Shiva home

A. Davening in the house of the Niftar:[1]

It is a Mitzvah to Daven with a Minyan Shacharis and Arvis [i.e. Mincha and Maariv] throughout the Shiva[2] in the area that the Niftar passed away [or, if not applicable, then in the house that the deceased lived in[3]].[4] This applies even if there is no Avel participating in the Minyan [such as if there are no Aveilim].[5] If, however, there are relatives of the deceased sitting Shiva elsewhere, then it is not necessary to make a Minyan in the home of the deceased [unless there is a male mourner sitting Shiva there].[6] [Thus, preferably, it is best for the family to sit Shiva in the home of the deceased, and consequently have the Minyanim of the Avel take place there.[7] At the very least, one is to strive to have the first prayer take place in that home.[8] If however the family is unable to do so, then it is not necessary to make a Minyan in the house of the deceased, while they sit Shiva elsewhere, as stated above. Regarding the laws of making a Minyan in the house of the Avel even if it is not the house of the deceased-see Halacha B!]

Summary: If there are no mourners that are sitting Shiva elsewhere, a Minyan is to be held in the area that the person passed away, or alternatively in the house of the deceased, even if no mourners will participate in the Minyan. If there are mourners sitting Shiva elsewhere, and there are no male mourners sitting Shiva in the house of the deceased, it is not necessary to arrange a Minyan in the home.   Q&A Is one to be particular to make a Minyan in the house of the deceased even if he did not pass away at home?[9] Yes and so is the custom. Thus, although in today’s times it is most common for a person to pass away in a hospital, nevertheless, the family is to strive to sit Shiva in the home that he lived in. If the Niftar is a child, is one to make a Minyan in the area that he passed away? If a child who was less than one year of age passed away, one is not to make a Minyan in his house.[10] Nevertheless, the widespread custom today is that if there are male Aveilim in the home, a Minyan is arranged in order so they can Daven with a Minyan.[11]

B. Davening in the house of the Avel:[12]

It is a great Mitzvah, and community responsibility, to arrange Minyanim to take place in the house in which a male Avel is sitting Shiva even if it is not the house of the deceased.[13] Participating in the Minyanim of a Shiva home is a great Mitzvah and is considered part of the Mitzvah of Nichum Aveilim.[14]

Q&A If one cannot have a Minyan for all the prayers, which prayer is it best to have a Minyan for? The daily prayer services at the Shiva home should begin after the funeral. If it is not possible to gather a Minyan for all three daily services, one should arrange that at least one of the three daily prayer services is held. There are different advantages between the various prayers, and one should choose whatever prayer is most viable for the Minyan to gather for.[15] May a Shul with a set Minyan move its Minyan to the Shiva home for the duration of the Shiva?[16] Yes. If, however, there are participants of the Shul Minyan who will not be able to make it to the Shiva home, such as the elderly, then one is not to nullify the Shul Minyan for the sake of the Minyan in the Shiva home. Should a Minyan be held in the Shiva home if there are no male mourners present? If the Shiva home is the house of the deceased and there are no male mourners sitting Shiva elsewhere, it is proper to make a Minyan in the Shiva home, as explained in A. If however there are male mourners sitting Shiva elsewhere, or there aren’t, but the Shiva home is not the house of the deceased, there is no need to make a Minyan in the home.[17] Thus, a Shiva home with only female mourners does not have to have a Minyan take place in their Shiva home unless it is the house of the deceased and there are no male mourners sitting Shiva elsewhere. Not to raise one’s voice:[18] One who Daven’s in the Shiva home is not to raise his voice in prayer.

C. Avel joining the Minyan:[19]

An Avel is included in the count of ten men required for the Minyan. [This applies even on the first day of Aveilus.[20]]

 

D. Avel Davening for the Amud:

*See Chapter 25 for a full discussion on this subject!

Son of the deceased:[21] An Avel [who is the son of the deceased, whether the deceased is his father or mother[22]], is to lead the prayers as Chazan for every weekday prayer [during Shiva[23], and thereafter until the end of the saying of Kaddish after 11 months[24]], if he knows how to do so.[25] [This applies even if there are other potential Chazanim available.[26]] Having the Avel [for a parent] lead the prayers is of greater benefit [to the deceased] than the saying of Kaddish Yasom, as Kaddish Yasom was mainly instituted for children [under Bar Mitzvah] who cannot yet lead the prayers. An Avel [for a parent] who does not know to lead the prayers is to do so at the very least for [Ashreiy], Lamnatzeiach, and Uva Letziyon.

Other relatives:[27] A mourner [who is not the son of the deceased[28]] is not to lead the prayers as Chazan [during Shiva, and until after the Shloshim[29]] to fulfill the obligation of the congregation, unless there is no other Chazan available who knows to lead the prayers and fulfill the obligation for the public.[30] [Some Poskim[31], however, rule that this only applies if the Chazan fulfills the obligation for the congregation, however today that the Chazan no longer fulfills the obligation for the congregation and they all Daven on their own, a mourner may lead the prayers even during Shiva. Practically, the custom is to allow a mourner of any type to lead the prayers even during Shiva.[32]]

Shabbos and Yom Tov:[33] It is customary for an Avel [even of a father or mother] not to lead the prayers as Chazan on Shabbos or Yom Tov [throughout the Shiva and the mourning period], even though there is no prohibition in the matter. [Due to the custom, it is forbidden to do so.[34] However, if there is no better Chazan available, then the Avel may lead the prayers.[35]]

Rosh Chodesh:[36] A mourner [during Shiva and during the first eleven months of mourning] does not lead the prayers on Rosh Chodesh, or on any day which has a Mussaf service.[37] This restriction applies even to Maariv and Mincha of Rosh Chodesh.[38]

Chanukah:[39] A mourner that is within Shiva may lead the services on Chanukah, except for the reading of Hallel.[40] [He is however to say the Kaddish after Hallel.[41]]

Purim: The Chabad custom is for the mourner of a parent to lead the prayers on Purim.[42] However some[43] are accustomed that mourners do not Daven for the Amud on Purim.

Days Tachanun is omitted: The mourner of a parent to lead the prayers on all days that Tachanun is omitted, with exception to days that Musaf is recited, and so is the Chabad custom.[44]  However, some[45] are accustomed that mourners do not Daven for the Amud on all days that Lamnatzieach [and Tachanun] is omitted.

Q&A How many sons of the deceased are to lead the prayers? If possible, all the sons of the deceased should lead all the prayers throughout the entire Shiva and the first 11 months.[46] If there is more than one son of the deceased in the Shiva home and enough people for another Minyan, the prayers may be scheduled at different times, or held concurrently in other rooms. What does one do if there are no male mourners? If there are no male mourners, the family is to appoint a Chazan from those gathered for the Minyan. What does one do if there is a male mourner, but he is unable to Daven for the Amud? If the mourner cannot lead the service, another person is to be designated as Chazan, and the mourner should recite the Mourner’s Kaddish at the designated points.   Is an Avel for a parent to Daven for the Amud during Shiva even in the event that he is Davening in Shul? See Halacha 2 in Q&A! If one has a Yahrzeit on Rosh Chodesh is he to Daven as a Chazan?[47] Yes. This applies even if he is a mourner, within 12 months of mourning a parent.

 E. Lighting candles:[48]

It is customary for the Avel who is leading the prayers as Chazan to light five candles during the services [of Shacharis Mincha and Maariv].[49] [The candles are placed in front of, or near, the Chazan. The Avel is to personally light these candles and not use candles that were lit by another person.[50] In the event that the Avel is not leading the prayers, the five candles are nevertheless to be lit, if the Avel is participating in the Minyan.[51] If there is no Avel participating in the Minyan, only two candles are lit.[52]]

Mincha Erev Shabbos, and Maariv Motzei Shabbos: The widespread custom is not to light candles by Mincha of Erev Shabbos and Maariv of Motzei Shabbos.

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[1] Rama 376:3 in name of Maharil; Rama 384:3 in name of Or Zarua; Levush 376:3; Daas Torah 384 in name of Ramban

[2] Starting from after the burial.

[3] See Q&A!

[4] The reason: Doing so gives Nachas Ruach to the soul of the deceased. [Rama 384:3] As the soul of the deceased is hovers in the area that he passed away. [Mavor Yabok Imrei Noam 35; Daas Torah 384 in name of Ramban]

[5] Rama 384:3 and 376:3; One especially needs to Daven there if there are no mourners sitting Shiva. [See Rama in name of Maharil ibid; Shabbos 152a]

[6] Rama 376:3; Levush 376:3; Aruch Hashulchan 376:7; Nitei Gavriel 91 footnote 5; See Pnei Baruch 10:18 footnote 31

[7] Mavor Yabok Imrei Noam 35; Kitzur SHU”A 207:5; Nitei Gavriel 91:1-2

[8] Gesher Hachaim 20:3-3 based on Beis Yosef end of 393; Pnei Baruch 10 footnote 32

[9] Nitei Gavriel 91:2 based on Pirkei Derebbe Eliezer 37; Rokeaich 316; Tanya 67 that the soul of the Niftar comes to the home that he lived during the Shiva

[10] Rav Akiva Eiger 384 in name of Chidushei Gershoni

[11] Gesher Hachaim 20:3-3; Nitei Gavriel 91:6; Pnei Baruch 10 footnote 30

[12] Gesher Hachaim 20:3-3; Nitei Gavriel 112:11; Pnei Baruch 10:18

[13] The reason: As the Avel may not leave his home during Shiva, and hence he needs a Minyan to be arranged there. [ibid]

[14] Shiltei Giborim Moed Katan 20; Poskim brought in Nitei Gavriel 91:5

[15] On the one hand, it is preferable to arrange a Minyan for Maariv, when the attributes of judgment and severity are strongest. On the other hand, Mincha also contains great spiritual meaning, and in Shacharis one has a lot more Kaddeishim and Amens being answered.

[16] Pnei Baruch 10 footnote 32; Nitei Gavriel 91:7

[17] The reason: As we do not find any source for requiring a Minyan by the Shiva home when it is not the home of the deceased. The only reason it is accustomed to make a Minyan is for the sake of the male mourners, so they can join a Minyan, if however there are no male mourners in the home then doing so is superfluous.

[18] Leket Yosher in name of Or Zarua, brought in Pnei Baruch 10:19

[19] Michaber 379:5; Rama 384:3; Or Zarua; Mordechai; M”B 55:24

[20] Rav Akiva Eiger 384

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule an Avel does not count as part of the Minyan on the first day of Aveilus. [Maharal, brought in Rav Akiva Eiger ibid]

[21] Rama 376:6; Admur 53:26; M”A 53:24; Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Implication of Rama ibid who says that it is greater than the Avel saying Kaddish and only an Avel for a parent recites Kaddish; Nitei Gavriel 93 footnote 1 in name of: Shaareiy Deah 383; Lechem Hapanim 383; Kneses Yechezkal 44; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376:7; Shalmei Tzibur p. 189b; Kitzur SHU”A 210:5; Teshuvah Meahava 1:50 and 3:384; Makor Chaim 282; Aruch Hashulchan 376:13; Dudaei Hasadeh 47;

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even a son is not to Daven for the Amud during Shiva and that the custom is not to be Chazan anytime during the 12 months. [Bach 384 in name of Maharam that so is custom even though from letter of law is permitted]

[22] Poskim ibid in explanation of Rama; See however Admur ibid “If one is a mourner for a father, and desires to pray for the Amud as is done by mourners”

[23] Beis Hillel ibid

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even a son is not to Daven for the Amud during Shiva. [Bach 384 in name of Maharam; Ikarei Hadat O.C. 3:9; Makom Shmuel; Yifei Laleiv 5:376] The reason for this is because it is considered like learning Torah which is forbidden during Shiva. Alternatively, as the attribute of judgment is on the Avel and he is thus not fit to lead the prayers. [Maharam Shick 370]

[24] See Rama ibid

[25] The reason it is allowed: Although an Avel is not found in a state of joy, nevertheless he may lead the prayers, and on the contrary it is best for him to do so being that he has a broken heart. [Maharshal 384; Derisha 384:3; Maharam Mirothenberg 249]

[26] Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Poskim ibid and footnotes of previous ruling

[27] Michaber 384:3; Tur 384 in name of Rosh; Bach in name of Maharam regarding Shiva

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that even other relatives who are mourners may Daven for the Amud during Shiva and Shloshim. [See Maharshal 384; Derisha 384:3; Maharam Mirothenberg 249 [regarding after Shiva]; Peulas Tzadik 3:188; Nitei Gavriel 93:1 footnote 1]

[28] Beis Hillel 384; Gilyon Maharsha 384; Poskim ibid

[29] See Bach 384; Maharam Mirothenberg 249; Derisha 384:3

[30] The reason: As the attribute of judgment is on the Avel and he is thus not fit to lead the prayers. [Maharam Shick 370]

[31] Maharam Shick 370; Chelek Halevi 133; Derech Hachaim; Misgeres Hashulchan 384; Nitei Gavriel 93:2

[32] Minhagei Worms p. 103; The Rebbe was Chazan during Shiva and throughout the 11 months in 1988 after the passing of his wife the Rebbetzin

[33] Rama 376:6; Teshuvas Maharil

[34] Shach 376:14

[35] Shach 376:14; Maryu 47

[36] Darkei Moshe Y.D. 376:9 based on Binyamin Zev 161; Bach 384; Gr”a; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149; Sefer Haminhagim p. 20 and 68 [English]; See P”M 108 in M”Z and 671 M”Z 8; Minhagei Chasam Sofer 1:14; Biur Halacha 132; Kuntres Ramach Osyos 225 [by Rav Shmuel Gronam] that so was custom of the Rebbe Maharash during year of Aveilus for Tzemach Tzedek 

[37] The reason: Some Poskim rule that an Avel does not lead the prayer on any day of joy in which Lamnatzeiach is omitted. [Noam Megadim p. 43] Some rule the reason is because on these days the congregation is in joy. [Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43] Others rule the reason is because on these days Gehinnom is not alit. [Binyamin Zev 161; Chabad custom]

[38] Poskim ibid; Rebbe ibid

Other opinions: Some communities are accustomed that an Avel leads the prayer for all the Tefilos other than Musaf. [brought in Igros Kodesh 24:149; Piskeiy Teshuvos 132 footnote 162] If this is the custom of one’s Shul or one’s community then he is to follow this custom and lead the prayers, even if his personal custom is not to do so. [Igros Kodesh ibid; See there that the person who Davened for the Amud was from Vilna and followed the Gr”a who ruled an Avel is not to Daven for the Amud on Rosh Chodesh. Nevertheless, he respected the community custom and did so a few times. Each time he began feeling really sick during Davening and hence asked the Rebbe if perhaps the cause for this is because he is breaking his custom of the Gr”a. The Rebbe replied that he is not to pay attention to this being that he followed the custom of his Shul and that he was obligated to do so according to some Poskim.]

[39] Admur 131:5; Maharil 22; Elya Raba 582:22; Sefer Haminhagim p. 161 [English]; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]; See Maharam Shick 183; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 683:2

[40] The reason: As the congregation is now found in a state of joy which is similar to Shabbos and Yom Tov. [Admur ibid; Maharil ibid; Elya Raba ibid]

[41] Hiskashrus 908 p. 15

[42] Sefer Haminhagim [English] p. 161 regarding Chanukah and the same would apply to Purim; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]

[43] Shut Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43; Elya Raba 582:22; Biur Halacha 132; Minchas Elazar 2:32; Piskeiy Teshuvos 696:8. On Purim Hameshulash they likewise do not Daven for the Amud on Friday or Sunday. [Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid]

[44] Darkei Moshe Y.D. 376:9 based on Binyamin Zev 161; See Sefer Haminhagim p. 20 and 68 and 178 [English]; Igros Kodesh 2:324; 8:236; 11:3; 24:149 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:303-304]; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:31

The reason: The reason is because only on these days Gehinnom is not alit. [Binyamin Zev 161; Chabad custom]

[45] Implication of Shut Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43; Noam Megadim p. 43; M”B 132 “Kuntrus Mamar Kaddeishim”; See Piskeiy Teshuvos 132:31

The reason: As on these days the congregation is in joy. [Maharil 22; Maharam Mintz 43]

[46] Igros Kodesh 3:459 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:305]

[47] Igros Kodesh 14:430; Minchas Yitzchak 9:134

[48] Sefer Hamamarim 5708 p. 146; Igros Kodesh 16:12; Toras Menachem 2 p. 125; Sefer Haminhagim p. 19 [English]; Shulchan Menachem 5

[49] The reason: Each of the five candles correspond to one of the five levels of the soul which are Nefesh, Ruach, Neshamah, Chaya, and Yechida.

[50] Torah Leshma 520 that the son himself is to light the candle on behalf of his father or mother; Directive of Rebbe repeated by Rav Leibel Groner, recorded in Hiskashrus 680; Custom of Rebbe Rayatz, recorded in Reshimos 183:11

[51] Directive of Rebbe repeated by Rav Leibel Groner, recorded in Hiskashrus 680

[52] Directive of Rebbe repeated by Rav Leibel Groner, recorded in Hiskashrus 680