From the Rav’s Desk: Shaalos Veteshuvos on Maaser for weddings and more

May a Nazir eat grapes? Or is he prohibited from both grapes and wine?

It is Biblically forbidden for a Nazir to eat grapes, raisins, grape seeds, grape peels, or any grape derivative. Of course, he is also Biblically prohibited from drinking wine or grape juice.

Sources: Bamidbar 6:3-4; Shoftim 13:14; Sefer Hachinuch Mitzvos 323-326; Rambam Mishneh Torah Hilchos Nezirus 5:1-2

Using Maaser money to pay for the wedding of one’s children

Question:

May one use Maaser money to marry off his children? If so, may I begin saving up my Maaser money for the sake of marrying off my children several years prior to their wedding? If so, from what age?

Answer:

Although one is obligated to marry off his son and daughter, nonetheless, parents who cannot afford it otherwise [as applies to most families], may use Maaser funds to pay for the wedding of his child [assuming the child himself cannot afford it]. It is proper to initially separate the Maaser money with this intent. One may begin setting aside his Maaser funds [recommended up until 50%] for the sake of his children’s wedding starting from several years prior to the wedding, with many of today’s Poskim agreeing that one may begin saving up his Maaser starting from when the child reaches the age of Bar and Bas Mitzvah. The above, however, only applies towards using the Maaser money for the basic wedding expenses that are common in one’s area and accepted to not do without. However, it is forbidden to use the Maaser money for the sake of making an extravagant wedding which is beyond the basics. [To note, that there exists Gemachim in the Frum community which cater exactly towards this, and allow a person to begin donating his Maaser funds towards his children’s future marriage expenses even when they are still children. The way it works is as follows: One donates his Maaser money to the Gemach for the sake of then using the money to help families marry off their children. This money is donated on condition that when it comes time for one to marry off his own children, the Gemach will return that amount as a donation to the contributor. So if over a span of 20 years one donated $30,000 to the Gemach, he will be able to receive up until a $30,000 donation for the sake of marrying off his own children.]

See Maharsham 1:32; Yechaveh Daas 2:76; Tzitz Eliezer 9:1-4; Orchos Rabbeinu 1:296; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:560-561; Shevet Halevi 9:201-3 and 202; Koveitz Mibeis Levi 11:27 and 14 p. 217; Az Nidbaru 9:51; Koveitz Mivakshei Torah 23 p. 47; Mishnas Hamishpat 249:23; Kol Hatorah 39:95; Chut Shani Shabbos 2:331; Mishneh Halachos Tinyana 2:143; Sefer Hilchos Maaser Kesafim 12; 14:12-13; Tzedaka Umishpat [Bloy] 6 footnote 14; Pesakim Uteshuvos 249:33;  See regarding the obligation of a father to marry off his children: Rama E.H. 71:1; Chelkas Mechokeik 71:2; Kiddushin 29a – 30b; Kesubos 52b; Mechilta Bo 13:13; Yerushalmi Kiddushin 1:7;  Rambam Issureiy Biyah 1:25; Maharil Diskin 1:25; Maharam Alshikor 72; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 231; Yifei Laleiv 4:1-3; Tzedaka Umishpat [Bloy] 6 footnote 14; Yashiv Yitzchak 43:63-64 See regarding saving up the money: Chasam Sofer Y.D. 231, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah Y.D. 249:2; Ahavas Chesed 2:18; Tzedaka Umishpat [Bloy] 6 footnote 14; See regarding giving Maaser money to relatives, including sons and daughters in need, and that they have precedence to others: Michaber 251:3; Shach 251:4