Are Converts Permitted to Hug, Kiss, and Be Alone with Their Gentile Parents of the Opposite Gender?
Question:
I recently converted to Judaism, and I have a question about my relationship with my parents who are not Jewish. Am I allowed to hug and kiss my mother or father of the opposite gender? Can I be alone with them in a private setting, or does the prohibition of yichud apply to me because they are gentiles? I want to make sure I’m following halacha correctly, but at the same time, I deeply value my bond with my parents and don’t want to create unnecessary distance. What is the proper approach according to Jewish law?
Answer:
Yes, you are permitted to hug and kiss your parents of the opposite gender and to be alone with them. The prohibition of yichud does not apply in this case. [While this is the main ruling, some Poskim are stringent in this matter.]
Explanation and Halachic Basis
The halachic system operates on the assumption that familial relationships—such as parent and child—are fundamentally different from other male-female interactions. Since the lack of attraction exists regardless of the parents’ faith, converts are fully included in this allowance.
Converts are permitted to hug and kiss their parents of the opposite gender and to be alone with them, just as any other Jew is permitted to do so with their parents. Likewise, the prohibition of yichud (seclusion) does not apply in this case. The allowance for physical affection between a child and their parent of the opposite gender is not rooted in a privilege of Jewish identity. Rather, it is based on a fundamental principle: the absence of sexual attraction within these close familial relationships. Halacha recognizes that the natural bond between parent and child is inherently non-sexual, and therefore, the usual restrictions that apply between unrelated men and women do not apply here. This principle is universal and applies regardless of whether the parent was born Jewish or not. When a person converts to Judaism, their biological relationship to their parents remains unchanged. The exemption is based on biology and psychology, not on religion. Conversion does not create or remove natural familial bonds; it only changes the individual’s spiritual status. Consequently, the same reasoning that permits a Jew to hug, kiss, and be secluded with their parents applies equally to converts.
Why the Prohibition of Yichud Does Not Apply
The laws of yichud are designed to prevent situations that could lead to inappropriate relationships. However, these laws explicitly exclude parents and children because the Torah and Chazal recognize the inherent lack of sexual inclination in these relationships. This exemption is not contingent on shared Jewish identity but on the nature of the relationship itself.
Therefore:
- A convert may hug and kiss their father or mother of the opposite gender.
- A convert may be alone with their parents without concern for yichud.
- These permissions mirror those granted to individuals born Jewish.
Sources: See Igros Moshe E.H. 4:64; Devar Halacha Hosafos to 7:19; Shevet Halevi E.H. 9:260; Yashiv Moshe p. 190; Kinyan Torah 5:126; Lehoros Nasan 7:87 [stringent]; Betzel Hachochma 4:14; Minchas Ish 1:298; Koveitz Mibeis Levi 4:54; Mishnas Hager 14:34 and in Iyunim 75; Nitei Gavriel 3:13 and 4:10; Encyclopedia Talmudit 23 Yichud footnote 351
