Chapter 11: Mourning During Festivals and Wedding Celebrations
- Rending Garments and Bread of Comfort on Festivals
Although mourning rites are not observed during a festival, one should tear his garments for the deceased and uncover his shoulder during Chol HaMoed. Similarly, mourners should receive the bread of comfort during Chol HaMoed.
On the actual festival days, including the second day of a festival, one should not tear garments, uncover a shoulder, or bring bread of comfort.
- Who Requires These Practices During a Festival
We tear garments and uncover shoulders during a festival only for relatives for whom mourning is obligatory, for a sage, for an upright person, or for someone when one was present at the time of death.
When a sage dies during a festival, everyone brings the meal of comfort in the main street of the city, as all are considered mourners for him.
- Comforting Mourners During a Festival
When bringing the meal of comfort during a festival, mourners sit on upright couches. The mourning blessing is not recited during a festival. However, we stand in a line, comfort the mourners, and take leave of them.
The bier should not be left in a public place to avoid encouraging eulogies, which are forbidden during a festival, as is fasting.
Similarly, one should not gather the bones of a parent or any relative during a festival, as this evokes mourning.
We also do not eulogize the dead on Chanukah, Purim, or Rosh Chodesh, though mourning rites are observed on those days. Eulogies are permitted on the days before and after Chanukah and Purim.
- Women’s Lamentations
During a festival, women may lament but may not beat their hands in grief. On Rosh Chodesh, Chanukah, and Purim, they may both lament and beat their hands but may not recite dirges. After burial, they should neither lament nor beat their hands.
Lamenting means raising voices in mourning together; dirges mean one recites and others respond, as in Jeremiah 9:19.
- Eulogies for Torah Scholars
All restrictions apply to ordinary people. When a Torah scholar dies, he is eulogized even during a festival, and certainly on Chanukah, Purim, and Rosh Chodesh. This does not apply on the second day of a festival.
Eulogies are permitted only in the presence of the deceased. Once buried, eulogies are forbidden. On the day one hears of his death, even if it is a distant report, it is considered as if in his presence, and a eulogy may be delivered.
- Timing of Eulogies Before Festivals
A woman should not have a eulogy recited for a deceased person within thirty days before a festival so that the festival does not arrive while people are grieving. A deceased person is not forgotten in less than thirty days.
This applies to someone who died earlier. If a person dies within thirty days of a festival, a eulogy may be recited.
- Wedding Celebrations Compared to Festivals
The seven days of wedding celebration are considered like a festival. If a close relative dies during these days, even a parent, the person completes the seven days of celebration and then observes seven days of mourning. The thirty-day mourning period begins after the wedding celebrations.
- When Death Occurs Before the Wedding Feast
If all preparations for the wedding feast are complete—bread baked, meat slaughtered—and a close relative dies before the celebration begins:
- If the meat was not placed in water, it should be sold along with the bread, and the mourner observes seven days of mourning first, then seven days of celebration.
- If the meat was placed in water and cannot be sold, the corpse is placed in a room, and the bride and groom proceed to the wedding canopy. They engage in the mitzvah of marital relations and then separate. They complete seven days of celebration and then seven days of mourning.
During the celebration, they observe private mourning laws as on Shabbat. The groom sleeps with men, and the bride with women, to avoid relations. The bride may wear jewelry during these thirty days.
If meat can be sold even after being placed in water, mourning comes first. If meat cannot be sold even though not placed in water, the wedding comes first.
This applies when the groom’s father or the bride’s mother dies, as they cannot easily prepare another feast. If the bride’s father, groom’s mother, or other relatives die, mourning is observed first, then the wedding.
