From the Ravs Desk: Latest articles and Q&A [Monday 7th Iyar 5785]

May children attend their parents wedding such as when a widow or widower, or divorcee remarries?

While there is no source in the Talmud or Poskim for any such restriction, and it is not mentioned in classic Jewish literature, nonetheless, the widespread custom of Ashkenazi Jewry, as recorded in Minhagei Worms, is to be stringent in this matter and not have children attend their parents wedding. There is no known reason behind this custom. According to Sephardic tradition, there is no need to abide by this and children may attend their parents wedding. Even for Ashkenazim, in all cases that the children abiding by this custom will cause pain to their parents, or create friction between them, then one is the contact a Rav for leniency. To note, that at times specifically attending the wedding causes friction, such as if the parents went through a bitter divorce and one of the parents are remarrying and attending the wedding will hurt the other spouse. In all cases a Rav is to be contacted.

See Minhagei Worms 2 p. 51; Ashrei Haish [of Rav Elyashiv] E.H. 1:21 44; Nitei Gavriel Nissuin 51:9; Mayan Omer 12:3-114 footnote 114; Ateres Paz 6 E.H. 1

May one combine the celebration of a wedding together with a Siyum and Hachnasas Sefer Torah?

In theory, an argument can be made that doing so is forbidden due to the rule of “Ein Mearvim Simcha Besimcha,” which some authorities hold is a biblical restriction, and for which reason it is forbidden to get married during Chol Hamoed. The reason for this is simple; as we do not want any one of the two joys to be diminished as a result of the second joy and desire that each joy receive its full attention. Nonetheless, practically, we do not find any source for a prohibition of “Ein Mearvim Simcha Besimcha” aside for the case mentioned above of getting married during the festival, or with regards to joys that are biblically or perhaps even rabbinically mandated. However, joys that are done due to custom such as that of a Siyum Sefer Torah, what not be included in this prohibition. Seemingly, the reason for this is because only a wedding and a festival and the like is considered a true joy, a wedding being considered a true joy due to the marriage, and a festival being considered a true joy due to the command of the Torah to rejoice. Accordingly, the Poskim rule that it is permitted for one to celebrate a Seudas Bris Mila and Pidyon Haben, and Siyum Misechta and Siyum Sefer Torah during the festival, and the same should apply with a wedding. Nonetheless, some suggest that one should have a special food designated on behalf of the Siyum Sefer Torah in order to also get it some special attention.

See Michaber O.C. 546:4; 688:6; Taz 546:4; Moed Katan 9a; Tosafus Moed Katan 8b and 9a; Yerushalmi Megillah 1:5; Peri Chadash 419; 668; Encyclopedia Talmudit 1 p. 772-775 “Ein Miarvin Simcha Besimcha”; Minchas Yitzchak 4:; Bayis Neman vol. 34 of Rav mazuz; Or Torah 596 p. 71