From the Rav’s Desk – Q&A’s on Shidduchim for secular Jews & More

May one arrange a Shidduch for a non-religious couple who will not keep Taharas Hamishpacha?

Many Poskim^[1] rule that whenever we suspect that the couple will for certain not guard Taharas Hamishpacha, then it is forbidden to have any involvement in the marriage.^[2] Some Poskim^[3], however, rule that it is permitted to make the Shidduch if this is one’s Parnasa. Practically, it all depends on the intent of the person making the match. If his intent is in order to save the two individuals from intermarriage, which is extremely common amongst secular Jews outside of Israel, then one may make the match. Likewise, if one feels that making the match could influence the couple to eventually keep Taharas Hamishpacha then it is permitted to do so. However, if intermarriage is not a worry in one does not feel he will have any influence on the couple keeping Taharas Hamishpacha, on the contrary he may not be involved in the matchmaking as he is with his own hands causing two people to sin together.^[4]

[1] Implication of Rama E.H. 26:1; Zera Emes 2 Y.D. 106, brought in Darkei Teshuvah 154:6, regarding making Shidduch; Shearim Hametzuyanim Behalacha 147:5; Answer of Chazon Ish in Maaseh Ish 3:236 “Cruelty in this matter is considered mercy, as marriage with a stumbling block of a Kareis prohibition is similar to marrying off  a brother to a sister, and one who assists in doing so is cutting off the soul of the brother r”l.”; Chelkas Yaakov E.H. 78 in name of Chofetz Chaim; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:476 that the Chazon Ish refused to help someone come out of prison who did not keep Taharas Hamishpacha, and Rav Shternbuch states that he himself does not arrange Shalom Bayis for such couples; 2:644 rules that it is forbidden to perform Shalom Bayis for a non-religious couple, as here to one is assisting in a Kareis prohibition by assisting them to have peace. He writes there that there is a tradition that one who assists in such marriages, it can damage him; 1:730 that one may not make a Shidduch for a non-religious couple due to fear that doing so will cause his children to become heretics and due to it transgressing the prohibition of Lo Sanif; Rav Shlomo Garelitz, Avad of Petach Tikveh, quoted in Habracha ibid p. 31-32 that one is only to perform Shalom Bayis for such a couple if they agree to guard Taharas Hamishpacha, otherwise it is forbidden to do so as rules the Rama E.H. 26:1 that the reason we force the couple to separate is because she does not immerse in a Mikveh, as explained in A; Ruling of Rav Yaakov Yosef z”l; Yismach Leiv p. 20 in name of Rav Chaim Kanievsky; Migdal Tzofim 2:31;

Directive of Rebbe Rayatz: The Rebbe Rayatz once directed as follows: “Regarding that which you write that the girl refuses to keep Taharas Hamishpacha with a Kosher Mikveh, then if she does not regret her evil ways, the mother needs to tell her that she will not bless her on the day of her wedding, and she will not join the wedding, and she should follow through with her promise.” [printed in Igros Kodesh Rayatz]

[2] The reason: This is forbidden due to several of the prohibitions listed above: 1) Marrying them off transgresses Lo Sanif, which applies even if Lifnei Iver is not transgressed. [Shearim Hametzuyanim Behalacha 147:5; Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:730; See Chochmas Shlomo E.H. 22:1; Rav Perlow on Sefer Hamitzvos Rasag L.S. 2:92] 2) Marrying them off can cause his children to become heretics. [Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:730] Furthermore, despite the possible Halachic negation of the Lifnei Iver and other associated prohibitions, some Rabbanim avoid officiating at a non-religious wedding if the couple has not comminuted to observance of Tahras Hamishpacha, due to it being complacent towards the severe sin of intimacy with a Nida, and especially in light of the fact that doing so can increase the Mamzer population due to a Halachic divorce not being heeded in the event of separation. This is in addition to the fact that according to the Rama ibid it is implied that one must even make them separate, and that according to some Poskim.

[3] Meishiv Davar 2:32 regarding making Shidduch permits if is Parnasa, brought [and questioned] in Sdei Chemed Mareches Vav 26:3; Chelkas Yaakov E.H. 78 that he has not seen people be careful in this

[4] Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:730

May an Avel be present in an area that has background music playing?[1]

Yes. He may do so if he has no intent to benefit from the music. This applies even during Shloshim.

[1] See Maharam Shick 368; Nitei Gavriel 14:4 and 6; 33:8 and 12

Should a Yeshiva Bochur or Seminary student who is living in a dorm recite Tefilas Haderech each morning until he returns Home?[1]

Seemingly both the parents home and the door room are considered the home of the student, and is no different than an individual who owns two homes in two different areas and spends time in each home during the year. Accordingly, in my opinion Tefilas Haderech does not need to be set each morning, and is to be said with a blessing upon traveling between home and dorm or the dorm and home.

[1] See Admur 110:5; Siddur Admur; Peri Chadash 110:5; Mishmeres Shalom Kudinav 16; Ketzos Hashulchan 67/3 footnote 6; Rav L.Y. Raskin in Siddur Admur with glosses and footnotes; Hayom Yom 19th Tamuz; Shaar Hakolel 12/2; Piskeiy Teshuvos 110/?; Hearos Ubiurim [Ohalei Torah] 718 p. 5]