From the Rav’s Desk – Q&A’s on Shloshim and more

The Shloshim ends eight days after Simchas Torah, which in the year 5785 falls out on Shabbos the 1st of MarCheshvan. Hence, all the laws of Shloshim end Shabbos morning. 

Background:

The holiday of Sukkos nullifies Shiva or Shloshim. Thus, if one began Shiva before Sukkos, the Shiva is nullified by Sukkos and counts as seven days towards the Shloshim. The 7 days also count towards the Shloshim. Furthermore, Shemini Atzeres counts as a full seven days [however does not nullify the Shloshim[1]].[2] Furthermore, in the Diaspora, the second day of Shemini Atzeres counts as a further day of Shloshim. Thus, [in Eretz Yisrael] one counts after Shemini Atzeres 9 days of Shloshim and [in the Diaspora] one counts 8 days of Shloshim. If one ended the Shiva before Sukkos, then Sukkos nullifies the Shloshim.

[1] Michaber ibid and ibid; Taz 399:6 in name of Rosh

The reason it does not nullify the Shloshim: The Holiday of Shemini Atzeres does not nullify the Shloshim being that one did not keep any of the recognized laws of Shloshim post Shiva, prior to Shemini Atzeres. Now, although one does not launder during Chol Hamoed, this is due to the laws of Chol Hamoed and hence cannot be used to nullify the Shloshim. [Taz 399:6 in name of Rosh] Now, although there are added stringencies to this prohibition due to the Aveilus of Shloshim, as explained in Michaber 399:3 based on Ramban, nevertheless, there must be an act of mourning of Shloshim being practiced that is unique and recognizable to others in order for the Chag to nullify the Shloshim. [Taz ibid]

[2] Michaber ibid

End of Shloshim falls on Shabbos:[1] In the event that the Shloshim falls on Shabbos, and the 29^th day is on Erev Shabbos, it is permitted to bathe on Erev Shabbos in honor of Shabbos.[2] The same applies towards any Shloshim restriction that is merely based on custom, that it may be ceased in honor of Shabbos. [However, those restrictions that are forbidden from the letter of the law, such as taking a haircut, remain in place even on Erev Shabbos, even for relatives that are not the children of the deceased.[3] Likewise, it is forbidden to cut the nails that day.[4]]

[1] Rama 400:2; Hagahos Maimanis in name of Maharam

[2] The reason: As since not bathing during Shloshim is a mere custom, therefore one may be lenient in honor of Shabbos. [400:2]

[3] Diggul Merivava 400 based on Tosfos Moed Katan 19; Teshuvah Meahavah 402; Chaim Shoel 2:23; Zera Emes 2:153; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel Vol. 2 3:6 footnote 10

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that relatives of the deceased other than the children may get a haircut in honor of Shabbos, if the 29^th day falls on Erev Shabbos. [Teshuas Chein 33, mentioned in Nitei Gavriel ibid]

[4] Panim Meiros 2:148; Gilyon Maharsha 400

The 30^th day:[1] As soon as sunrise arrives on the thirtieth day from burial, the mourning restriction of Shloshim cease from the Avel and it is now permitted for him to perform these previously restricted actions. It is not necessary to wait until the conclusion of the thirtieth day.[2] [The lesser restrictions of 12 months now take effect for those in mourning over the loss of a parent, and whatever is permitted and forbidden during the 12 months is permitted and forbidden from now on until the end of the 12 months. See Chapter 23 for all the restrictions that carry over from the Shloshim and apply throughout the 12 months and for those restrictions that no longer apply.]

[1] Michaber 395:1; Rosh; Rabbeinu Yerucham;

Ending Shloshim after Alos Hashachar: See Nitei Gavriel 1:5 footnote 5 that in a time of need it ends with Also Hashachar.

[2] The reason: As we apply the rule of “Miktzas Hayom Kekulo”, that part of the day is considered like the entire day. [Michaber ibid; Moed Katan ibid] Although by Shiva one must wait past sunrise, until the comforters leave, since comforters don’t come during Shloshim, it suffices to wait until sunrise. [Shach 395:1] Alternatively, since the laws of Shiva include active [remove sandals etc] and passive acts of mourning [i.e. don’t do], therefore one must perform some acts of the active form of Aveilus for some time into the day, and the Sages established for it to be done until the comforters leave. However, by Shloshim, since there is only passive Aveilus laws applicable, it therefore suffices to wait until sunrise. [Taz 402:5 in explanation of Reb Yichiel, brought in Tur 402]