Standing in honor of a parent:[1]

A. The obligation:[2]

One is [Biblically[3]] obligated to stand for his father [or mother[4]].[5] [The Rebbe was accustomed to stand for his mother whenever his mother would enter the room.[6] However, children today are lenient not to stand for their parents, under the assumption that their parents forgive their honor, as explained in B.]

When must one stand?[7] Some Poskim[8] rule that one is obligated to stand for a parent when he hears the parent enter, even if the parent cannot yet be seen. Other Poskim[9], however, rule one is obligated to stand for the parent when he/she enters one’s sight.[10] The above applies even if the parent is much further than a four Amos distance from the son, so long as they enter one’s sight.[11] Other Poskim[12], however, rule that one is only obligated to stand for his parent when the parent enters within one’s four Amos. Practically, the main opinion follows the middle opinion.[13]

Closing one’s eyes:[14] It is forbidden for one to close his eyes prior to the parent entering, simply to refrain from needing to stand for him.

Until when must one stand: One must remain standing until the parent leaves one’s sight or sits down.[15] [If one’s parent remain standing for some time, then one may sit down, and hence it is permitted to sit as one’s father stands by the Bima for an Aliyah or as Baal Korei, or Chazan. However, if the parent will only remain standing for a few moments and then continue walking then one must remain standing.[16] One is not to start walking immediately after standing up for one’s parent, and if he needs to do so then he is to first sit down and then begin walking in order so it be recognizable that he stood up for his parent, as will be explained below.]

How to stand:[17] One must fully stand up in front of one’s parent and a slight standing does not suffice. [One is not to lean on any item while standing to the point that if the item were removed one would fall.[18]]

How often is one required to stand for a parent?[19] Some Poskim[20] rule that one is only required to stand for his parent twice a day, one time in the morning and a second time in the evening.[21] This however only applies in the house of the parent [i.e. in private], however in public when one is in front of others who do not know that he already stood, he is obligated to stand [each time].[22] [Even in the privacy of the Rebbe’s home, one is allowed to stand for his father more than two times a day if he so wishes, and it is only that he is not obligated to do so.[23] Other Poskim[24] however rule one is obligated to stand for his parent even 100 times. This however only applies when the parent enters from outside to inside and not from one room to another within the same home.[25] Thus, in the event that one lives in the same home as his parents, he is only obligated to stand when they come home from work and the like, and not every time the parent is seen in the house.[26] Practically, although there is no final arbitration in this dispute[27], nonetheless, one is to be stringent as by any questionable Biblical obligation.[28]]

Making sure to sit down:[29] After standing for one’s father, one is to make sure to sit down even if he plans on going somewhere, in order so it is apparent that he stood up for his father’s honor.

B. Exceptions and special circumstances:

Forgives his honor:[30] If a father [or mother] forgive their honor, their honor is forgiven, [and hence if the parent forgives this matter of respect of having his child stand in his honor, then one is not required to stand on their behalf[31]]. [Seemingly, based on this children today are lenient not to stand for their parents, under the assumption that their parents forgive their honor.[32] Nevertheless, it is best to receive explicit permission from one’s parent.[33] Even then, it still remains a Mitzvah to stand for them twice a day, even though it is no longer an obligation.[34] As stated above, the Rebbe was accustomed to stand for his mother whenever his mother would enter the room. Furthermore, some Poskim[35] write that when the parent and the child are in the presence of other people, then the child is to stand for his parent even if his parent forgave the honor, in order so others do not learn to be lenient. Furthermore, some Poskim[36] rule that even if the parent forgives his honor, the child must nonetheless show them some honor/Hiddur and slightly lift his body in their honor.]

If the father is a student of his son in Torah learning:[37] In the event that one’s father is a student of his son in his Torah learning[38], then each one is to stand on behalf of the other. [The son is to stand on behalf of his father in order to honor his father, and the father is to stand on behalf of his son in order to honor his teacher and Rebbe. However, there are Poskim[39] who argue on the above and rule that a father is to never stand on behalf of the son even if his son is his teacher and Rebbe. Practically, one is to suspect for this opinion and therefore the son should forgive his father and not require him to stand for him.[40]]

If the son is a Torah scholar:[41] Even a Torah scholar is obligated to stand for his father, and the father is not obligated to stand for him if he is not his personal teacher.

Father is riding:[42] If the parent is riding on a horse or wagon [or car] and reaches within one’s four Amos, it is considered as if he is walking in one’s four Amos and one must stand on his behalf. [Thus, if a father or mother is in a wheelchair, then one most likely stand up in their honor when they enter one’s presence.[43]]

Bathroom/bathhouse: Some Poskim[44] rule that one is not required to stand for his parent in the inner room of a bathhouse.[45] Other Poskim[46], however, rule that one is required to stand for a parent even in the inner room of a bathhouse. According to all opinions, in the outer room [including the middle room in which people change[47]] one is required to stand [if he is clothed[48]].[49]

Standing if in middle of Learning Torah:[50] Even while one is learning Torah one is obligated to stand for his parent. [While learning Torah, one may be lenient to only stand for one’s parent twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening, in order not to nullify from Torah learning.[51]

Standing if in middle of Davening:[52] One must stand for his parent even if he is during Davening [whether in private or in a Shul]. This applies even if he is in the middle of the prayer of Shema.[53] [However, some Poskim[54] rule that in the middle of Shema one is to only stand for his parent if he is between the paragraphs.]

Standing if holding a Sefer Torah:[55] One is not required to stand for his parent while he is holding a Torah Scroll. [However, some Poskim[56] rule that one is to slightly lift his body.]

Standing during Shiva:[57] An Avel during Shiva is not obligated [and perhaps is not even allowed[58]] to stand in the presence of even the Gadol Hador, [and the same applies that one is not obligated to stand for a parent[59]].[60] [He may however slightly lift up his body in their honor.[61]]

Standing on Tishe Beav:[62] It is disputed amongst the Poskim[63] as to whether a person is obligated [or allowed[64]] to stand for a parent on Tishe Beav.[65] [He may however slightly lift his body in their honor.[66]]

During work:[67] Workers are not obligated to [stop and] stand for a parent while they are working.[68] [If however, they are self-employed then they may choose to stop their work and stand if they wish to be stringent.] If, however they are working for another, it is forbidden for the worker to be stringent upon himself and stand during his work.

Q&A If one is sitting in a room and one’s parent walks by in a different room, must one stand up for him?[69] No.   Standing up for one’s father when he gets an Aliyah to the Torah:[70] In some communities the custom is for a son to stand up in honor of his father when his father is called up for an Aliyah.[71] This custom is followed today in Sephardic communities.[72] One who is praying with his father in such a community must respect this custom if his father is called up for an Aliyah.[73]

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[1] See Michaber Y.D. 240:7; Rambam Mamarim 3:6; Kiddushin 31b “When Rav Yosef heard the steps of his mother, he replied that he needs to stand up for the divine presence which is arriving.” and 33b; Kibbud Moreh chapter 9; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:25-28; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 382-383

Sources from standing for a Rebbe: The detailed laws and scenarios of standing for an individual are recorded in chapter 244 in reference to standing for a Rebbe, and in general the Poskim rule that these laws likewise apply towards one’s parent, unless explicitly stated otherwise. [See Rambam Mamarim 6:3; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240 footnote 206 and 231]

[2] Michaber Y.D. 240:7; Rambam Mamarim 3:6; Kiddushin 31b and 33b

Blind: The obligation to stand for a parent applies even if the parent is blind r”l. [Shaar Efraim 78; Hagahos Rav Akiva Eiger 240:7; Ben Ish Chaiy Parshas Ki Seitzei 2:15] Likewise, a blind child is obligated to stand for his parent. [Pischeiy Teshuvah 240:6; Nachalas Tzvi in length; Chadrei Deiah 240; Ben Ish Chaiy Parshas Ki Seitzei 2:15] See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 168-169

[3] Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 165

[4] Shut Ravi Avad 240; Sefer Chareidim Asei beginning of Chapter 6; Chayeh Adam 67:7; Birkeiy Yosef 282:1; Pischeiy Teshuvah 240:7; Aruch Hashulchan 240:24; Gemara Kiddushin 30b; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:25; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 161

[5] The reason: This is included in the Mitzvah of honoring one’s parents. [Rambam Mamarim 3; Aruch Hashulchan 240:24] Alternatively, it is included in the Mitzvah of fearing one’s parents. [Pischeiy Teshuvah 244:3]

[6] Heard from Rabbi Leibel Groner; Rav Ashel Lemel Hakohen told me that he too was accustomed to stand for his father/mother when they would enter their home.

[7] See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 170-172

[8] Rav Yosef in Kiddushin 31b; Gilyon Maharsha 240 based on Rama 282:2; Aruch Hashulchan 240:24; Shaar Efraim 78

[9] Sefer Hamakneh Kiddushin 33b; Birkeiy Yosef 240:1; Chayeh Adam 67:7; Shevet Halevi 2:111-4, based on Shach 282:3; Implication of Pischeiy Teshuvah 244:3 and Rambam Mamrim 6:3

[10] The reason: This is like the ruling regarding standing for one’s main teacher in which we follow Malei Einav.

[11] Poskim ibid

Other opinions: Some Poskim ruler one is only required to stand for one’s parent when the parent enters within 266 cubits [i.e., 160/130 meters] of oneself. [See Shach 242:8 in name of Semak 52; Sefas Emes 242; Sefer Morah Horim Ukevodam 5:6 in name of Rav Elyashiv]

[12] Rishon Letziyon 242:34

[13] Beis Yosef 282, brought in Shach 282:3; Birkeiy Yosef 240:1; Yifei Laleiv 3:15; Shevet Halevi 2:111-4

[14] Michaber 244:3; Kiddushin 32b

[15] Sefer Hamakneh Kiddushin 33b; Birkeiy Yosef 240:1; Chayeh Adam 67:7; Shevet Halevi 2:111-4, based on Shach 282:3; Implication of Pischeiy Teshuvah 244:3 and Rambam Mamrim 6:3

[16] So rule regarding a Rebbe and the same would apply regarding a parent: Michaber 242:18; Hagahos Rav Akiva Eiger 242:18; P”M O.C. 142 M”Z; See Minchas Shlomo 1:33

[17] Chayeh Adam 67:7; Aruch Hashulchan 240:24

[18] Sefer Chareidim Mitzvos Hateluyos Beretz Yisrael 4; See M”A 141:2; Birkeiy Yosef C.M. 17:4

[19] See Rama 242:16; Kiddushin 33b; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:26; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 173-175

[20] Tur in name of Rambam Talmud Torah 6:8 regarding one’s Rebbe; Stam Opinion in Chayeh Adam 67:7; Aruch Hashulchan 240:24; Shevet Halevi 2:111-4

[21] The reason: As the honor of his parent should not be any greater than the honor of his teacher or Hashem in Kerias Shema. [Aruch Hashulchan ibid; See Taz 242:12; Kiddushin 33b]

[22] Rama ibid; Chayeh Adam 67:7

[23] Shach 242:36 based on wording of Rama ibid; Bach 242 and Semag 13 who write “not obligated”; however, the Rambam, Tur and other Poskim write “not permitted.” The Rama ibid hence interprets this to mean “not obligated.” [Shach ibid]

[24] 2^nd opinion in Chayeh Adam 67:7; So rule regarding a Rebbe: Shach 242:37 in name of Rosh Tur; Levush 242:16; Sefer Chassidim 23; Mordechai Kiddushin 499 in name of Rabbeinu Baruch; Sefer Chareidim Asei beginning of Chapter 6; Birkeiy Yosef 242:21.

[25] Aruch Hashulchan 240:24

[26] Aruch Hashulchan ibid

[27] Chayeh Adam 66:7 records both opinions; Aruch Hashulchan 240:24 leaves this matter in question; Dibros Moshe Kiddushin 50 footnote 32; Avnei Yashpei 1:185

[28] Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid; See Rosh Kiddushin 1:57

[29] Sefer Chassidim 91; Beir Heiytiv 240:9; Aruch Hashulchan 240:33; Ben Ish Chaiy Shoftim 2:12; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 176

[30] Michaber 240:19; Kiddushin 32a; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:26

[31] Sefer Chassidim 339; See Shut Harivash 220; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 426

[32] Teshuvos Vehanhagos 3:276; 5:274; Sheilas Rav 1:18 in name of Rav Chaim Kanievsky; Kibbud Umoreh 9:6

[33] Tosafus Kiddushin 32a; See Kibbud Umoreh 9:6

[34] Chut Shani 240:7; Teshuvos Vehanhagos ibid

[35] Sefer Chassidim 339

[36] Ritva Kiddushin 32a; Kitzur Piskeiy Harosh Kiddushin 1:53; Shut Haradbaz 8:165; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:26 and 51; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 763

[37] Michaber 240:7; Tur 240; Rosh Kiddushin 1:57; Kiddushin 33a; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:28; See Likkutei Sichos 5:310

[38] Regarding if this applies only if the son is his main Torah teacher [i.e., Rabo Hamuvhak] or even if he simply is one of his teachers, see: Amudei Arazim on Yireim 56:6; Chazon Ish Y.D. 149:5

[39] Shach 240:10; Rambam Mamarim 6:4, brought in Tur ibid; Rabbeinu Chananel; Teshuvos Harameh 71; Rishon Letziyon 240:7; Chaim Shoel 2:43; Mitzpeh Aryeh 8

[40] Rashal Kiddushin 1:72; Sefas Emes 240

[41] Beis Yosef 240 in 2^nd answer; Darkei Moshe 240:2; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:26; See Ran Kiddushin 13a

[42] Michaber 244:2; 242:16; Kiddushin 33b; Rashi ibid

[43] Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:25

[44] Pischeiy Teshuvah 244:3 in name of Lechem Mishneh Talmud Torah 6:2; Gesher Hachaim 20; See Michaber 244:4; Kiddushin 32b

[45] The reason: As the verse states “Stand and honor” from which we learn that only when the standing respects and honors the person must one stand. [Michaber ibid]

Rabo Hamuvhak/Ones Rebbe: Some Poskim rule that the above allowance not to stand applies even towards one’s main Rebbe, Rabo Hamuvhak. [Lechem Mishneh Talmud Torah 6, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah 244:3] Others however rule that it does not apply by one’s main Rebbe, and one is required to stand even in a bathhouse in respect of his main Rebbe [Turei Even on Rambam ibid, brought in Pischeiy Teshuvah ibid]

[46] Pischeiy Teshuvah 244:3 in name of Arba Turei Even on Rambam Talmud Torah 6:2

[47] Shach 244:3; see Admur 84:1

[48] Aruch Hashulchan 244

[49] See Rama ibid in name of many Rishonim

[50] Michaber 244:11; Abayey in Kiddushin 33b; See Chaim Shoel 71:2; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:27

[51] Meiri Kiddushin 33b; Mordechai Kiddushin 499 in name of Rabbeinu Baruch, brought in Darkei Moshe 244:3

[52] Rokeiach 369; Birkeiy Yosef 244:1; Ben Ish Chaiy Ki Seitzei 2:15; Salmas Chaim 48; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:27

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that one is not to stand for a parent in middle of prayer starting from Korbanos, as one does not show honor to a student in the presence of his master. [Opinion recorded and negated in Birkeiy Yosef ibid] The counterargument to this claim is that in truth standing for one’s parent fulfills a command of G-d and is hence not considered to be belittling to Hashem. [Salmas Chaim ibid] Likewise, we do not apply the rule here that since one is involved in one Mitzvah that therefore he is exempt from another mitzvah, as there is no trouble in one standing up and hence one can fulfill both Mitzvos. [See Rama 38:8; Gur Aryeh Maharal Bereishis 46:29]

[53] Birkeiy Yosef ibid based on Brachos 14a

[54] Tzitz Eliezer 14:10; Az Nidbaru  2:4; Shevet Halevi 6:146; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:27

[55] Sefer Chassidim 930; Chida in Shiyurei Bracha 244 [Unlike Chaim Sheol 71]; Shevet Halevi 6:146

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that one is required to stand for a parent even while holding a Torah scroll. [Chaim Sheol 71]

[56] Shevet Halevi 6:146

[57] Rama Y.D. 376:1

[58] Aruch Hashulchan 376:4; Ramban in Toras Hadam; Rabbeinu Yerucham 25; brought in Nitei Gavriel 89:4 footnote 6

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that one is allowed to stand for a parent during Shiva, and it is simply not obligatory. [Kesef Mishneh Aveilus 13:5; Shvus Yaakov 3:26; See Gesher Hachaim 20; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:27 footnote 240]

[59] Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:27

[60] The reason: As standing up in such a state of mourning is not considered a Hiddur. [Shvus Yaakov 3:26] Alternatively, because the Aveilim are busy. [Levush, brought in Gilyon Maharsha 376] The practical ramification is regarding Tishe Beav. [Gilyon Maharsha ibid] Alternatively, because it is forbidden to tell the Avel to sit down. [Aruch Hashulchan ibid]

[61] Teshuvah Meahava 3 376; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 89:4 footnote 7

[62] Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:27

[63] See Shvus Yaakov 3:26; Levush, brought in Gilyon Maharsha 376

[64] Some Poskim rule that one is not allowed to stand during Shiva [Aruch Hashulchan 376:4; Ramban in Toras Hadam; Rabbeinu Yerucham 25; brought in Nitei Gavriel 89:4 footnote 6] Other Poskim rule that one is allowed to stand for a parent during Shiva, and it is simply not obligatory. [Kesef Mishneh Aveilus 13:5; Shvus Yaakov 3:26; See Gesher Hachaim 20; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:27 footnote 240]

[65] The reason for prohibition: As standing up in such a state of mourning is not considered a Hiddur. [Shvus Yaakov 3:26]

[66] Teshuvah Meahava 3 376; Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 89:4 footnote 7

[67] Michaber 244:5

[68] The reason: As the Torah did not obligate one to honor the elderly if doing so will cause one a loss of money. [Kneses Hagedola  in name of Mahariy Beiy Rav 52; Birkeiy Yosef 244 in name of Toras Kohanim; Bavli; Yerushalmi]

[69] Rama 242:18; Ben Ish Chaiy Ki Seitzei 2:13

[70] See Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 376

[71] Tanya Rabasi 6

[72] Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 376 footnote 93

[73] Ledavid Emes 5:34

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