Matters that remain forbidden even after the death of a parent:[1]

One is obligated to honor [and fear[2]] his father and mother[3] even after their passing [just as one was obligated to honor them in their lifetime[4]].[5] [In a certain sense, honoring one’s parents after their passing is even greater than honoring them when they were alive, as during their lifetime one may have honored them due to intimidation, or in order to receive an inheritance, however after their death it is truly altruistic.[6] Nonetheless, generally speaking it is more important to honor a living parent than a parent who passed away.[7]]

Parent was a Rasha:[8] One is not obligated to honor [or fear[9]] a parent after his death a [habitual] if he was a Rasha and big Baal Aveiros [i.e., transgressor].[10]

Hitting a parent:[11] A child who hits the dead body of his parent is not liable for death.[12]

Cursing a parent:[13] One who curses his father or mother [transgresses a Biblical negative command and] is liable for Sekila [i.e., death by stoning] if the cursing took place in the presence of witnesses and with prior warning. The above prohibition applies even after the death of the parents. Thus, a child who curses his dead parent is still liable for death.[14]

Causing them Pain:[15] It is forbidden for one to cause pain to one’s parents even after their death being that they are aware of what happens in this world.

Saying their name:[16] This prohibition of mentioning one’s father or mothers name applies whether they are alive, and even after their death.

If one’s now deceased father had requested something prior to his passing, does this request precede a request from the mother if the requests contradict each other?[17] Some Poskim[18] rule that in such a case one is to fulfill the request of the living parent, which is his mother, and ignore the request of his father.[19] This applies even if the request was written in a will. Other Poskim[20], however, question this ruling. Other Poskim[21] rule that the child may follow the request of whichever parent he chooses especially in a case that listening to the living parent will cause him a loss of money.[22]

 

Matters that become permitted after death of parents:

Standing in their set place:[23] After the passing of a parent r”l, it becomes permitted for one to stand in their designated area of standing at home or in the synagogue. [Nonetheless, regarding a great Torah sage and leader, many communities are accustomed to cover their Shtender in the synagogue for the entire 12-month period of mourning, and do not allow anyone to use it.[24]]

Sitting in their set place:[25] After the passing of a parent r”l, it becomes permitted for one to sit in their designated area of sitting at home or in the synagogue. [Nonetheless, regarding a great Torah sage and leader, many communities are accustomed to cover their seat in the synagogue for the entire 12-month period of mourning, and do not allow anyone to sit in its place.[26]]

May one mention the name of his parent after their death when in reference to another person?[27] The prohibition against mentioning the name of another person that is similar to one’s father or mothers name only applies when they are alive, however, after their death, there is no prohibition against calling another person by the same name as one’s parent. This applies whether the name is common or rare. This applies even according to the stringent opinion mentioned above. Accordingly, there is no issue with naming one’s son or daughter after his father or mother, and it is permitted for this name to be used freely. [Nonetheless, there are some who were stringent in this matter and would not say the name of their parent in reference to another person even after their death.[28]]

Honoring stepfather and stepmother after death of parent:[29] After the passing of one’s father or mother one is no longer obligated to honor his stepfather and stepmother. Despite this, it remains proper for one to honor them even after the death of one’s father or mother.

 

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[1] Michaber 240:9; Tur 240:9; Rambam Mamrim 6:5; Kiddushin 31b; All Poskim in coming footnote regarding it being Biblical or Rabbinical; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:32; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1069

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that one is not obligated to honor the parent after their death. [Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1078]

[2] Amudei Harazim on Yireim  Mitzvah 56:5; See many Rishonim and Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Morah Av Vaeim Vol. 42 p. 566 footnotes 65-71

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that one is not obligated to fear one’s parents after their death. [Tzitz Eliezer 15:41-2; Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 72]

[3] Rama ibid

[4] Meiri Kiddushin ibid; Piskeiy Riaz Kiddushin ibid; Menoras Hamaor Abuhav Ner Gimel 164

[5] Is this obligation Biblical or Rabbinical? Some Poskim rule that this obligation is Biblical. [Yireim Mitzvah 221; Chinuch Mitzvah 33; Ralbag Parshas Yisro; Amudei Arazim 56:5; Biureiy Harv Perlow on Rasag Asei 9; Divrei Malkiel 2:137; Yad Eliyahu 66; Yismach Moshe Parshas Vayechi; Noda Beyehuda Tinyana E.H. 45; Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1079-1081] Other Poskim, however, rule that this obligation is only rabbinical being that after the death one is no longer honoring the actual parent but rather his honor and memory. [Biureiy Harv Perlow ibid in name of Chovos Halevavos Ahavas Hashem 7; Tiferes Yisrael Pesachim 4 Boaz 3 and Kiddushin 1:54 in  opinion of Rambam; Sefas Emes 240:2; Emek Halacha 52; Lechem Shlomo Y.D. 2:3; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1082-1985] See Tzur Yaakov 30; Dudaeiy Sadeh 84; Chazon Nachum 118; Betzel Hachochmah 6:22-7; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1079-1085

[6] Miseches Semachos 9:22; Bereishis Raba 96; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 453 footnote 1071-1075

[7] Noda Beyehuda Tinyana E.H. 45; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 1086-1087

[8] Radbaz and Lechem Mishneh on Rambam Mamarim 6:11; Maharam Shick Y.D. 346; Maharitz Dushinsky 1:94; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:49; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 556 and 1096

Shaming the parent: From some Poskim it is implied that it is easy even permitted to shame a parent who is a Rasha after his death in order, so it serve for him as an atonement. [Peri Chadash on Rambam ibid; Maharam Shick ibid]

Other opinions: From some Poskim it is implied that one is obligated to honor the parent even after his death even if he was a Rasha. [Implication of Kesef Mishneh on Rambam ibid and Beis Yosef 240]

[9] See Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Morah Av Vaeim Vol. 42 p. 567 footnotes 73-75

[10] The reason: As the entire reason why one is to respect the parent who is a transgressor is because perhaps one’s parent will repent and hence once he has died without repentance he is no longer obligated in his honor. [Radbaz on Rambam Mamarim 6:11] Alternatively, the reason is because honor had parent after his death is only rabbinical required and by a parent who is a transgressor the sages never made this institution. [Sefas Emes 240:2; Tiferes Yisrael Pesachim 4:9]

[11] Taz 2401:1; Rambam Mamrim 5:5

[12] The reason: As after death it is not possible to make a wound in the parent. Accordingly, this ruling does not contradict the fact that a child who wounds a parent who has been found liable for capital punishment is liable for death. [Taz ibid]

[13] Michaber 241:1; Taz 241:1; Tur 241; Sanhedrin 85a

[14] The reason: As after death it is not possible to make a wound in the parent. Accordingly, this ruling does not contradict the fact that a child who wounds a parent who has been found liable for capital punishment is liable for death. [Taz ibid]

[15] Sefer Chassidim 571; See Radbaz Mamrim 6:11; Maharam Shick on Taryag Mitzvos 33

[16] Michaber Y.D. 240:2; Tur 240; Rambam Mamarim 6:3; Kiddushin 31b

[17] Pischeiy Teshuva 240:10-11; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:43; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 658-663 and 1087-1088

[18] The Rav asking the question to Rav Akiva Eiger 1:68; Noda Beyehuda Tinyana E.H. 45; Givas Pinchas 3

[19] The reason: As the mitzvah to honor a parent who is still alive is more than the Mitzvah to honor a parent who has passed away. [Noda Beyehuda ibid]

[20] Teshuvos Rav Akiva Eiger 1:68 based on Maharam and the ruling of those Poskim who rule that a father can protest against a son reciting Kaddish on behalf of his mother; Beis Av 6:265; See Betzel Hachochmah 5:15

[21] Pischeiy Teshuva 240:10; Givas Pinchas 3; Chaim Sheol 1:5; Mateh Efraim Dinei Kaddish Alef Lamateh 4; Teshuras Shaiy Kama 270; Minchas Soles 33:2; Divrei Malkiel 2:37; Nitei Nemanim 29; Chidushei Reb Reuven Yevamos 4; Betzel Hachochmah 5:15

[22] The reason: As death is no different than divorce and just like after divorce the child can proceed whichever parent he wishes so too after death. [Pischeiy Teshuva ibid]

[23] Teshuvos Harosh 5:3; Sefer Chassidim 811; Radbaz 2:628; Chaim Bayad 125:48; Shenos Chaim on Rabbeinu Yerucham 1:4-14; Zecher Simcha 132; Yerech Yaakov Y.D. 10; Az Nidbaru 8:60; Tzitz Eliezer 15:41-2

[24] Hakdamas Devar Shmuel; Chaim Bayad ibid; Yerech Yaakov ibid

[25] Teshuvos Harosh 5:3; Sefer Chassidim 811; Radbaz 2:628; Chaim Bayad 125:48; Shenos Chaim on Rabbeinu Yerucham 1:4-14; Zecher Simcha 132; Yerech Yaakov Y.D. 10; Az Nidbaru 8:60; Tzitz Eliezer 15:41-2

[26] Hakdamas Devar Shmuel; Chaim Bayad ibid; Yerech Yaakov ibid

[27] Sheilas Shalom Tinyana 243; Sdei Chemed Mareches Chaf end of Kelal 104; Rabban Gamliel called his son by his father’s name, and so too there are many examples of like in the Talmud

[28] Merkavas Hamishneh rules that even after death that is forbidden; Alef Kesav 2:724 in name of Chasam Sofer would not call his son by his name Shmuel being that that was his father’s name; Orchos Rabbeinu 4:180 that the Chazon Ish was particular not to call someone by the name Shemaryahu even after his father’s death; See Pesakim Uteshuvos footnote 107

[29] Michaber 240:21; Kesubos 83a

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