Kibbud Av Vaeim versus other Mitzvos-Which receives precedence?[1]

* The below law discusses whether or not the fulfillment of other Mitzvos are to be preceded to performing an action of honoring one’s parent, or if honoring one’s parent takes precedence. It does not discuss the related subject of what one is to do if one’s parent instructs one to do something prohibited according to Jewish law, or against one’s standards of one’s religious observance. This secondary subject is discussed at length in chapter 6.

No time to do both Mitzvos: If one’s father asks him to bring him a cup of water, and at the same time there is a passing mitzvah that he is able to fulfill, such as to bury the dead or participate in a funeral [or to say Shema, or pray or wear Tefillin[2]], then if it is possible for him to delegate this Mitzvah to someone else to perform, then he should delegate it and in the meantime perform the mitzvah of honoring his parent [by bringing him a cup of water].[3] If, however, there is no one else available to perform the mitzvah in his stead, then he should perform the mitzvah and put aside the mitzvah to honor his father [and not perform the service for his father].[4]

Stopping in middle of a mitzvah to serve one’s parent and vice versa:[5] If, however, he already began the mitzvah and only then did his parent ask him for the service, then he may first finish the mitzvah, as one who is in the midst of a mitzvah is exempt from any other mitzvah. [This applies even if another person is available to finish the mitzvah on his behalf.[6] Thus, if one’s parent asks one to do something in middle of prayer, then he is the first finish the prayer and only then do it.[7] Likewise, in the opposite case that one already began doing something out of honor for his parents and a mitzvah then came out, then he is not required to stop the action he’s doing for his parents for the sake of the mitzvah.[8] Thus, if one saw a lost object in the midst of serving and assisted his father he is not required to retrieve it in order to return it to its owner, unless his father is Mochel, which the father is required to do.[9] Thus, the entire rule stated above that a passing mitzvah takes precedence over honoring one’s parents, is only if one has not yet begun the act of honor. However, if one’s parent asks one to do something on his behalf with the sole intent to nullify him from doing a mitzvah, then he is not required to listen to him, and he is to fulfill the mitzvah.[10]]

There is time to do both Mitzvos, one now and one later on:[11] If the mitzvah could become performed at a later time, then one should first deal with the mitzvah of honoring his father and only afterwards perform the mitzvah. [This applies even if one can technically fulfill the act of honor for his parent at a later time.[12] However, some Poskim[13] rule that if the honor of his father is not urgent, such as his father asked him to do an errand which can be done later on, that he may choose to precede the fulfillment of a different mitzvah to that of honoring his father.]

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[1] Michaber 240:12; Rambam Mamrim 6:13; Kiddushin 32a “Elazar Ben Masya taught: If one’s father asks him to bring him a cup of water, and at the same time there is a mitzvah that he is able to fulfill, then he should perform the mitzvah and put aside the mitzvah to honor his father, as both he and his father are obligated in the midst. Isi Ben Yehuda stated that in the event that the mitzvah can be done by another, then it should be done by another, while he should go and honor his father. Rav stated that the law follows the opinion of Isi Ben Yehuda”; Rabbeinu Yerucham Nesiv 1, 4:15 in name of Rosh; See Michaber 246:18; Shach 240:14; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:39; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Kibud Av Vaeim Vol. 26 p. 440-444

[2] Setimas Michaber ibid; Maharam Ben Chaviv 112; Machaneh Chaim 1:85 in opinion of Rambam and Tur; Meiah Shearim p. 270; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 949

Other Opinions: Some Poskim rule that one is only to precede those mitzvah’s that are an equal obligation upon him and his father, such as a funeral or burial, however those mitzvah’s that are a personal obligation on one’s body, such as prayer, does not take precedence over honoring his father. [Machaneh Chaim 1:85; Haemek Sheilasa 19:7; Chut Shani 240:16; See Tosafus Harosh Yevamos 5b; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 948]

[3] Michaber ibid; Rambam ibid; Isi Ben Yehuda in Kiddushin ibid; Bahag; Riy Milunil; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 927-931

The reason: As we do not differ one Mitzvah due to another Mitzvah. [Rambam ibid]

[4] Michaber ibid; Rambam ibid; Elazar Ben Masya in Kiddushin ibid; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 923-926

The reason: As he and his father are both obligated in the honor of G-d. [Kiddushin 32a]

[5] Rama ibid; See Sefer Chomas Yerushalayim 260; Pischeiy Teshuvah 240:7; Pesakim Uteshuvos 240:39; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 932

[6] Pesakim Uteshuvos ibid

[7] Torah Lishma 267

[8] Taz C.M. 266; Erech Lechem Maharikash; Chareidim Asei 1:27; Birkeiy Yosef O.C. 38:7; Sefas Emes 240; Aruch Hashulchan 240:36; See Maharshag 1:52; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 933-937

Other Opinions: Some Poskim rule that even when a son is in the midst of the fulfillment of a mitzvah of Kibbud Av Vaeim, he must stop in order to fulfill a passing mitzvah that cannot be delegated to another, and thus he is obligated to retrieve a lost item for the sake of returning it to its owner even if he is in the midst of serving his father. [Piskei Riaz Bava Metzia 2:10; See Shut Maharshag 1:52; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 940-942]

[9] Taz ibid; See Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 936-939

[10] Piskei Riaz Kiddushin 1:8-10; Kneses Yechezkal 35; Ashel Avraham Butchach 89; Chaim Sheol 1:5

[11] Rama ibid; Meiri Kiddushin ibid; Rabbeinu Yerucham 1:4 in name of Rosh; See Rama 38:8 regarding doing both of them simultaneously; Rishonim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnotes 943-946

[12] See Aruch Hashulchan 240:35

[13] Rishonim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid footnote 947