Chapter 2: When to perform the Upsherinish[1]
1. At what age is the haircutting ceremony to take place?[2]
Many customs exist regarding the date of the child’s first haircut. In the sources, the following ages have been mentioned as appropriate for the haircutting of the child: Nine months[3]; Two years of age[4]; Three years of age[5]; Four years[6]; Five years[7]; 6-7 years old[8]. Different communities have adapted different customs in this matter. Practically, the widespread custom today[9], as well as the Chabad custom[10], is to cut the child’s hair at age three. [See above in Chapter 1 Halacha 1 for a lengthy Midrashic and Halachic explanation behind the significance of specifically age three.]
The third birthday is a unique opportunity and an auspicious time for the education of the child.[11]
2. On what day is the haircutting ceremony to take place?
One is to cut the child’s hair on the day that he turns three, which is on the day of his third birthday, as will be explained. [The Alter Rebbe had his Upsherinish take place on his third birthday, having his hair cut by the Baal Shem Tov.[12] Likewise, the Tzemach Tzedek had his hair cut on his third birthday by his grandfather, the Alter Rebbe.[13] Likewise, the Rebbe Rashab had his hair cut on his third birthday by his grandfather the Tzemach Tzedek.[14]] In the event that one could not or did not cut the hair on the third birthday, then it is to be cut at the next earliest opportunity [including even many years later[15]].[16]
Prior to third birthday:[17] The haircut is not to be performed at an earlier date, prior to age three, and is rather to be delayed until the birthday. [This applies even if the third birthday falls on a date in which haircuts are forbidden, nonetheless, we postpone the haircut rather than precede it.] This applies even if one desires to perform the haircut on Lag Baomer in Meron, nonetheless, it is not to be preceded to prior the third birthday.[18]
Post the third Birthday:[19] The haircut is not to be delayed past the third birthday and is rather to take place on the birthday itself. This is with exception to if the birthday falls on a day that haircutting is forbidden [see Halacha 3], in which case it takes place on the next permitted date that arrives. In the event that the haircut was delayed for whatever reason, then it is to be cut at the next earliest opportunity [including even many years later[20]].[21]
Delaying or preceding the Upsherinish to Lag Baomer:[22] One is not to delay the Upsherinish for many weeks or months until Lag Baomer, although it may be delayed for some days in order to do it on Lag Baomer.[23] Thus, if the birthday falls before Pesach, it is not to be delayed until Lag Baomer.[24] At the very least, one is to begin the haircut before Pesach and then perform its finishing touches on Lag Baomer.[25] Likewise, one is not to precede the Upsherinish to Lag Boamer if the birthday falls out after Lag Baomer.[26]
Delaying the Upsherinish to Chol Hamoed:[27] Some Poskim[28] rule that even if the child was born before Yom Tov, one may even initially delay the Upsherinish until Chol Hamoed in order to increase the joy and festivity and doing so is even a Mitzvah. [However, the Rebbe negated any delay, as stated above.]
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Q&A May one cut the child’s hair on his third birthday, but delay the festive celebration of the Upsherinish to a different day?[29] Yes. The main thing is that the cutting of the hair, and beginning of the formal education of Peyos and the other Mitzvos, begin on the 3rd birthday. The celebratory feast and party which publicizes the occasion to friends, family, and the community, can be held on another occasion, at a time and place that one sees fit.
May one cut some of the child’s hair prior to age three [such as to trim the bangs which are bothering him, or to make him look pretty and nice]?[30] The custom of Jewry is not to cut any of the hair of the child until age three, even if the hair is a nuisance to the child or does not look nice.
Must one cut all the child’s hair on the day of the Upsherinish, by his third birthday?[31] No. It is not necessary for all the child’s hair to be cut on that very day, and the main thing is simply that his Peyos be recognizable. Accordingly, if one is afraid that the child may get a cold if all of his hair is cut at once, [or if the child is protesting the haircut and making it difficult for it to be cut, or if one would like to save some of the hair for cutting on another occasion], then one is not required to give the child a full haircut. |
3. When on the third birthday is the Upsherinish ceremony to take place?[32]
Night versus day:[33] The Upsherinish ceremony and cutting of hair may take place either by the night or the day of the third birthday. Thus, there is nothing wrong with doing the ceremony the night of the birthday, especially if that is when people are able to attend, and indeed many are accustomed to do it at night for this reason.[34]
After Shacharis: When doing so by day, many are accustomed to do so in the morning, after Shacharis.[35] [The Baal Shem Tov cut the Alter Rebbe’s hair in the morning after Shacharis.[36] Likewise, the Alter Rebbe cut the hair of the Tzemach Tzedek in the morning after Shacharis.[37]]
Afternoon:[38] It is permitted to get a haircut in the afternoon, and hence certainly the Upsherinish haircut may take place then.
4. Days on which one cannot cut hair:[39]
Thursday:[40] Unlike the cutting of nails, there is no issue with getting a haircut on Thursday, and hence if the third birthday falls on Thursday, then the haircut is to take place on this day.[41]
Sunday:[42] Some are accustomed to push up the haircut to Erev Shabbos in the event that the birthday falls on Sunday, being that Sunday is a day of celebration for Christians. [Practically, the Chabad custom is to never push off the haircut, and hence it is to be performed on Sunday. Alternatively, it can be performed on Motzei Shabbos, as explained in the previous Halacha that the haircut may take place the night before.]
Friday – Erev Shabbos:[43] If the birthday falls on a Friday, then the haircut is to take place on Friday or Thursday night. It may take place even after midday.[44] However, some are accustomed to do so prior to midday.[45]
Shabbos:[46] If the child’s third birthday falls on Shabbos then the Upsherinish is to take place the next day that hair cutting is permitted, which is on Sunday [unless Sunday is a day in which haircutting is forbidden, such as Rosh Chodesh, or Yom Tov, in which case it is pushed off until the next permissible day].
Yom Tov:[47] If the child’s third birthday falls on Yom Tov, then the Upsherinish is to take place the next day that cutting hair is permitted. Thus, if it falls on Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, last days of Sukkos, Shavuos, then it is to take place on the day after Yom Tov [i.e. Tzom Gedalia, G-d’s Numin, Issru Chag of Sukkos and Shavuos]. If the birthday falls on the first days of Yom Tov of Sukkos, then different customs exist regarding whether the ceremony and haircut is pushed off until Isru Chag or takes place on the first day of Chol Hamoed, as explained next. If the birthday falls on the Yom Tov of Pesach, whether on the first day or last day, then it is pushed off until Lag Baomer, as explained next.
Erev Yom Tov: If the birthday falls on Erev Yom Tov, then the haircut is to take place on that day, or night before. It may take place even after midday. However, some are accustomed to do so prior to midday, as explained above regarding Erev Shabbos.
Erev Pesach:[48] If the birthday falls on Erev Pesach, then the haircut is to take place on that day, or night before.[49] Initially it should take place prior to midday, although may take place even after if one did not have the time.[50]
Chol Hamoed Sukkos:[51] If the child was born on Chol Hamoed Sukkos, it is permitted to hold the Upsherinish on that day, on Chol Hamoed, [and so is the Sephardic custom[52]].[53] [In fact, some Poskim[54] rule that even if the child was born before Yom Tov, one may even initially delay the Upsherinish until Chol Hamoed in order to increase the joy and festivity and doing so is even a Mitzvah. However, the Rebbe negated any delay, as brought above in Halacha 2.] Nonetheless, despite the above letter of the law allowance, many are accustomed to delay the haircut until after Chol Hamoed.[55] [There is no definite Chabad custom in this matter, and Rabbanim of Anash differ in their ruling on the matter.[56] Certainly, one who chooses to have it on the day of the birthday which falls on Chol Hamoed has upon whom to rely.]
Chol Hamoed Pesach:[57] If the child was born on Chol Hamoed Pesach, the haircut is to be delayed until Lag Baomer.[58]
Rosh Chodesh:[59] A boy who was born on Rosh Chodesh is not to have his Upsherinish haircut take place on his third birthday on Rosh Chodesh, but rather immediately after Rosh Chodesh.[60] [If Rosh Chodesh is two days, then the Upsherin is to take place after the second day of Rosh Chodesh, which is the 2nd day of the next month, even if he was born on the first day of Rosh Chodesh. It is likewise not to take place on the first day of Rosh Chodesh, which is the 30th day of the previous month.[61]]
Sefira period – Between Pesach and Lag Baomer:[62] A child who was born between Pesach and Lag BaOmer is to have his Upsherinish on Lag BaOmer.[63] [See Q&A regarding night versus day and Motzei Lag Baomer!] Even a boy of Sephardic lineage may have his Upsherinish on Lag Baomer and is not required to delay it until the 34th day of the Omer, and so is the custom.[64]
Sefira period – Between Lag Baomer and Shavuos:[65] If the child was born between Lag BaOmer and Shavuos then the Upsherinish is to take place on Erev Shavuos.[66] It is not to be preceded to Lag BaOmer.[67] In the event that Erev Shavuos that year falls on Shabbos, then the haircut ceremony is to take place on Friday, Erev Shabbos, unless the child was born on Erev Shavuos, in which case it is a take place on Isru Chag in such years that Erev Shavuos falls on Shabbos.[68]
Bein Hametzarim – The three weeks:[69] A child who was born during the three weeks between the 17th of Tamuz and Tishe Beav is to delay the Upsherinish until after the three weeks [i.e. after Tishe Beav].[70] It is to take place on the 10th of Menachem Av, after midday.[71] In the event that the 10th of Av falls on Erev Shabbos, then one may perform the haircut starting from the morning of the 10th, and one is not required to wait until after midday.[72]
Fast day:[73] If a child was born on a fast day, it is permitted to make the Upsherinish on that day [or the night prior to the fast, and so is to be done as per the directive of the Rebbe to not precede or delay the date unnecessarily]. However, some write that it is better to delay it to a day of joy and not do so on a sad day, such as a fast day.
Chanukah:[74] If the birthday falls on Chanukah then it is to take place as usual, although not within a half hour prior to lighting candles, and not until one lights the Chanukah candles. It is certainly not to take place at a time that will prevent others from lighting on time.
Purim:[75] If the child was born on Purim then the haircutting ceremony is to take place as usual on Purim, either at night after the Megillah reading, or by day after the Megillah reading.
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Q&A on Lag Baomer May an Upsherinish child have his haircut on the night of Lag BaOmer?[76] Yes.[77]
May one cut the hair for an Upsherinish on Motzei Lag BaOmer? No. Some Poskim[78] however rule that if one began cutting the hair on Lag BaOmer and some hair was left then it may be cut on Motzei Lag Baomer. |
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Following the other Chinuch customs from the day of the birthday:[79] The Rebbe Rayatz in a letter records a number of practices that one should begin to educate the child starting from three years old.[80] This applies even if the actual haircutting ceremony had to be delayed past the birthday, such as in a case that the child was born on a day that haircuts are not allowed, nevertheless, the other customs of Chinuch should be begun immediately on the third birthday, and not delayed until the Upsherinish.[81] Thus, all other customs relating to the Upsherinish, such as wearing a Yarmulke and Tzitzis, saying morning blessings and the nighttime Shema, should already begin from when the child turns three years old.[82] |
5. Upsherinish during Aveilus:[83]
An Avel during Shiva, Shloshim, or within 12 months of mourning for a parent, may perform the Upsherinish ceremony for his son. However, during Shiva, he is to have other people cut the hair of his son, rather than him doing so personally. Likewise, during Shiva, he is not to have a party by the event. During Shloshim, or within 12 months of mourning for a parent, he may have a party and refreshments may be served. However, he may not organize a meal if it is taking place outside his home. If, however, the meal is taking place inside of the home of the Avel, then the custom is to be lenient to participate.
6. Determining the day of the third birthday:
A. Child was born by Bein Hashmashos:[84]
If the child was born during Bein Hashmashos [i.e. after sunset but before nightfall[85]], then the Upsherinish should take place the next day. For example, if the child was born on the 3rd of Elul, during twilight, then the Upsherinish should take place on the 4th of Elul.
B. If one was born on the 30th of Cheshvan/Kisleiv, when does he celebrate his Upsherinish in a year that there is no 30th day in Cheshvan/Kisleiv?[86]
One who was born on the first day of Rosh Chodesh Kislev, which is the 30th of Cheshvan, and in the current year of his Upsherinish there is no 30th day of Cheshvan, and hence Rosh Chodesh Kislev is only one day, he is not considered three years old until Rosh Chodesh Kislev, the 1st of Kislev.[87] [This same law applies likewise regarding one who was born on the 30th of Kislev, which was the first day of Rosh Chodesh, and in the current year of his Upsherinish there is no 30th day of Kislev, he is not considered three years old until Rosh Chodesh Teves, the 1st of Teves.[88]]
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Q&A If one was born on the 1st of Kisleiv, which was the only day of Rosh Chodesh, when does he celebrate his Upsherinish in a year that there are two days of Rosh Chodesh Kislev? If one was born on the first day of Kislev, which was the only day of Rosh Chodesh, and in the current year of his Upsherinish Rosh Chodesh Kislev is two days, he is considered three years old starting from the first day of Rosh Chodesh Kislev which is the 30th of Cheshvan.[89] However some Poskim[90] question this matter and suggest that perhaps he does not become three years old until the 1st of Kislev.
If one was born on the 1st of Teves, which was the only day of Rosh Chodesh, when does he celebrate his Upsherinish in a year that there are two days of Rosh Chodesh Teves? This follows the same law as above. |
7. In which Adar is one to celebrate an Upsherinish?[91]
A. If one was born in Adar of a leap year:
If the current year contains one Adar:[92] If one was born in Adar of a leap year and the current year only contains one Adar then he celebrates his Upsherinish on that same date in the current Adar. This applies whether he was born on Adar I or Adar II. Thus if Reuvein was born on the 29th of Adar I and Shimon on the 1st of Adar II then in the current year with a single Adar Reuvein celebrates his Upsherinish on the 29th of Adar and Shimon on the 1st of Adar. [Hence although Reuvein is older than Shimon he nevertheless celebrates his Upsherinish later than Shimon, if his 3rd year is not a leap year.]
If the current year is also a leap year:[93] If one was born during Adar of a leap year and the current year is also a leap year, then he celebrates his Upsherinish on the day of the Adar that he was born in. Thus, if Reuvein was born on the 29th of Adar I and Shimon on the 1st of Adar II then in the current leap year Reuvein celebrates his birthday and Upsherinish on the 29th of Adar I and Shimon on the 1st of Adar II.
B. If one was born in Adar of a non-leap year and now it is a leap year:[94]
If one was born during Adar of a regular year and the current year is a leap year then he celebrates his Upsherinish on the date of his birth in Adar II. Thus, if Reuvein was born on the 12th of Adar of a non-leap year than in a leap year Reuvein celebrates his Upsherinish on the 12th of Adar II.
| Summary:
Current year is not a leap year: Everyone who was born in Adar, whether of a leap year or not, celebrates his Upsherinish in Adar on the corresponding date. Current year is a leap year: All Upsherinish are celebrated in the second Adar unless one was born in Adar I. |
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Q&A What is one to do if he was born on the 30th of Adar I and in the current year there is only one Adar of 29 days? If one was born on the 30th of Adar of a leap year and the current year is a non-leap year, which hence only contains 29 days in Adar, then some Poskim[95] rule one celebrates his Upsherinish on the 30th of Shevat. Other Poskim[96], however, rule he is to celebrate on the first of Nissan. Other opinions[97] have also been mentioned. |
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[1] Nitei Gavriel chapters 1-3 and 10-13
[2] See Nitei Gavriel Chapter 2:1-2 footnotes 1-4 regarding up until age 3 and 3:1 regarding age 4 and onwards, for all the customs on the matter
[3] Heichal Avodas Hashem 2:179
Thirteen weeks of age: See Leket Yosher p. 97 that the Terumos Hadeshen would allow to cut the hair of a child of thirteen weeks. However, clearly, the intent there is regarding hair that has been left to grow for thirteen weeks, and not at age thirteen weeks. [Nitei Gavriel 2 footnote 1 unlike other Melaktim]
[4] Peulas Tzadik 3:236; Custom of Teiman; Poland; Lita; Gur; Square; Steipler
The reason: Avraham made a Mishteh for Yitzchak at age 24 months celebrating his weaning and beginning of his education. [See Bereishis 21:8; Midrash Tanchuma Vayeira 22:3] Shmuel was taken to Shilo at age 24 months. [Shmuel 1:1-11]
[5] Shivim Temarim 68; Siddur Maharid end of Vol. 1 p. 169b that so is implied from Kisvei Arizal; Arugas Habosem 210; Maharam Brisk 2:98; Afrakasta Deanya 161; Igros Kodesh 7:235; 11:60 and Likkutei Sichos 22:329 that so was directive of Rebbe Rayatz and it was seemingly a tradition from many generations; The Alter Rebbe had his Upsherinish on his third birthday [Likkutei Dibburim 3:481]; The Tzemach Tzedek had his Upsherinish on his third birthday. [Sefer Hasichos 5700 p. 40]; Nitei Gavriel 2:2 footnote 3; Minhag Ruzin; Belz
The reason: There are several connections between the age of three and the start of the child’s education: 1) Arla: In the Mitzvah of Arla, it is prohibited to benefit from the fruit of the tree for its first three years, while in its fourth year the fruit is to be consecrated and brought to Jerusalem to be eaten. [See Kitzur Shlah; Elya Raba 17:2; Shaareiy Teshuvah 17:2; Yalkut Shimoni and Midrash Tanchuma, Parshas Kedoshim, sec. 14; Panei’ach Raza (Parshas Kodashim); Arugos Habosem 210] 2) Tzaras. When the Torah mentions the term והתגלח/And he shall remove his hair, the letter gimmel is oversized. [Hagahos of Shlomo Ahron Wertheimer on Midrash Rebbe Akiva] 3) The age of three years old is associated with Chinuch of a child: See Tanchuma Vayeira 22:3 and Titzaveh; Pesikta Zutrasi; Tanchuma Tetzaveh; Admur in Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:1; Michaber 245:5; Rambam Talmud Torah 1:6; Sukkah 42a
[6] Keser Shem Tov [Gagin] p. 591 [custom of Eretz Yisrael]; Even Sapir 2:47; Igros Kodesh 7:235 in name of Keser Shem Tov ibid [although concludes that perhaps it is a printing error and should say 3] 11:60 that so is custom of some Sephardim; Nitei Gavriel Mavo p. 24 that so is the custom of Russian Jewry
[7] Shulchan Gavoa 31:12; Kaf Hachaim 531:30
[8] See sources in Nitei Gavriel 3:1 footnote 3; Nitei Gavriel Mavo p. 24 that so is the custom of some Sephardim
[9] Arugas Habosem 210; Maharam Brisk 2:98; Afrakasta Deanya 161; Nitei Gavriel 2:2 footnote 3; Minhag Ruzin; Belz
[10] Igros Kodesh 7:235; 11:60; 22:336 and Likkutei Sichos 22:329 that so was directive of Rebbe Rayatz and it was seemingly a tradition from many generations; The Alter Rebbe had his Upsherinish on his third birthday [Likkutei Dibburim 3:481]; The Tzemach Tzedek had his Upsherinish on his third birthday. [Sefer Hasichos 5700 p. 40]
[11] Igros Kodesh 11:5
[12] Likkutei Dibburim 3:481
[13] Sefer Hasichos 5700 p. 40
[14] Sefer Hamamarim 5710 p. 163
[15] Nitei Gavriel Chapter 3:3 footnote 5 that so ruled Rebbe to a certain Baal Teshuvah
[16] Igros Kodesh 22:336
[17] Arugas Habosem 210; Maharam Brisk 2:98-99; Afrakasta Deanya 161; Toras Yekusiel 47; Shivim Temarim 68; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 2:438; Brought in Hayom Yom 4th Iyar; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87; Igros Kodesh 7:235; 11:5, 60; 12:441; 14:39, 313; 18:361; 22:311 in name of Rebbe Rayatz; Likkutei Sichos 14:387; 32:246; Heichal Menachem 2:29; Mikdashei Hashem 1:76; Shevach Habris 1:1 and 13; Nitei Gavriel 1:2; 2:2
[18] Igros Kodesh 11:60; 14:39
Other customs: Some are accustomed to precede the haircut to Lag Baomer, even if it is prior to the third birthday. [Custom brought and negated in Igros Kodesh 14:39]
[19] Toras Yekusiel 47; Afrakasta Deanya 161; 438; Brought in Hayom Yom 4th Iyar; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87; Igros Kodesh 7:235; 11:60; 12:441; 18:361; 22:311; Heichal Menachem 2:29; Mikdashei Hashem 1:76; Igros Kodesh 11:5 [do it on birthday or the closest opportunity]; 11:60 and 14:39 and 220 [not to push off very long until Lag Baomer unless the Minhag is to do so]; 14:313; 18:361; 22:132 and 336 [not to push off at all]; Shevach Habris 1:2; Nitei Gavriel 2:2; See Rama Y.D. 245:8 that as soon as one’s child turns three years old he is to be taught the letters of the Torah
The reason: As on the third birthday there is a unique opportunity and auspicious time for the education of the child, and there is no telling if this can be recovered on a later date. [Rebbe ibid] In addition, why should one delay the drawing down of the holiness onto the child, which takes place upon cutting his hair and leaving him Peiyos. [Igros Kodesh Rebbe Rayatz 2:438; Igros Kodesh 14:39]
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one may delay the Upsherinish past age three in order to have it performed on Chol Hamoed. [Ginas Veradim Gan Hamelech 62; Devar Moshe 1:45; Nechpa Bakesef 2:7; Mizbeiach Adama p. 7; Shulchan Gavoa 531:13; Shaareiy Teshuvah 531:7; Beir Heiytiv 531:7; Kaf Hachaim 531:30]
[20] Nitei Gavriel Chapter 3:3 footnote 5 that so ruled Rebbe to a certain Baal Teshuvah
[21] Igros Kodesh 22:336
[22] Shevach Habris 1:13; Nitei Gavriel 8:1
[23] Igros Kodesh 5:22; 11:60 and 14:39 and 220 [not to push off very long until Lag Baomer unless the Minhag is to do so]
Other customs: Some communities are accustomed to delay the Upsherinish until Lag Baomer, if the birthday falls within proximity of a number of months to Iyar. [See Igros Kodesh ibid that so is claimed to be the Minhag in Eretz Yisrael; Nitei Gavriel 12:2]
[24] Igros Kodesh 22:132
[25] Igros Kodesh 5:22
[26] Igros Kodesh 12:441; 14:39
Other customs: Some are accustomed to preceding the haircut to Lag Baomer, even if it is prior to the third birthday. [Custom brought and negated in Igros Kodesh 14:39]
[27] Shevach Habris 1:13
[28] Ginas Veradim Gan Hamelech 62; Devar Moshe 1:45; Nechpa Bakesef 2:7; Mizbeiach Adama p. 7; Shulchan Gavoa 531:13; Beir Heiytiv 531; Shaareiy Teshuvah 531:7; Kaf Hachaim 531:30
[29] Igros Kodesh 22:336; Shevach Habris 1:9
[30] See Arugas Habosem 210; Maharam Brisk 2:98-99; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 2:438; Brought in Hayom Yom 4th Iyar; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87; Kisvei Rab Issac Shwei 1:272; Shevach Habris 1:3; Nitei Gavriel 1:2; See however Nitei Gavriel 2:3-4 that one may cut hair that is hurting the child, such as that is entering his eyes and the like
[31] Igros Kodesh 14:313; Shevach Habris 1:4
[32] Shevach Habris 1:10; Nitei Gavriel 1:5
[33] Igros Kodesh 24:132 “Perform it on either the night of the 14th, or the day of Erev Pesach”; 22:132; See Chanoch Lanaar p. 134; Shevach Habris 1:10 footnote 19 that he once witnessed by the Rebbe be an individual who brought his Upsherinish child by the distribution of Kos Shel Bracha which took place at night, and passed the Rebbe a scissor and asked the Rebbe to cut some the hair of his child, and the Rebbe did so.
In general, may one get a haircut at night? Some Poskim rule one is to avoid getting a haircut at night until daybreak. [Kaf Hachaim Falagi 27:12 and Moed Lecho Chaiy 6:7 based on Arizal; Zichron Moshe O.C. 251] The reason for this is because night time is a time of Gevuros, and hence if we avoid a haircut during Sefira certainly, and even more so, is it to be avoided at night. [Poskim ibid] Other Poskim however negate this ruling and conclude that one may get a haircut at night. [Pekudas Eliezer 493 based on Beis Oved and Mafteiach Eiynayim of Chida that Rav Chaim Vital got a haircut on the night of the 49th of Omer, after saying Sefiras Haomer] Practically, the widespread custom is to allow haircuts at night. See Nitei Gavriel 1:5 footnote 10
[34] Shevach Habris 1:10 that so is the custom of Anash in France
[35] Shaareiy Yerushalayim 9; Sefer Hasichos 5700 p. 40; Likkutei Dibburim 3:481; Nitei Gavriel 1:5-6
[36] Likkutei Dibburim 3:481
[37] Sefer Hasichos 5700 p. 40
[38] See Shevach Habris 1:10 footnote 20; See Nitei Gavriel 1:5 footnote 10
May one get a haircut in the afternoon: The Arizal would refrain from cutting his hair after midday, and hence would only take a haircut before midday on Erev Shabbos. [Custom of the Arizal brought in M”A 251:5; Shaar Hamitzvos Parshas Kedoshim; Lechem Min Hashamayim p. 25; Nagid Umitzvah 2:113; Shulchan Aruch Harizal Tosefes Shabbos 11] Based on this some Poskim rule one is to beware to take a haircut prior to midday on Erev Shabbos. [Gr”a brought in Aruch Hashulchan 251:3; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 128:15; Mateh Efraim 581:50; Mateh Efraim 625:11 “It is a Mitzvah Min Hamuvchar…”; Alef Lamagen 581:108 “Is a Mitzvah Min Hamuvchar”; Kaf Hachaim 260:13; 581:80 [proper to be stringent]] Furthermore, some Poskim rule that this applies even during the week, [All Poskim in coming brackets] as the time of Mincha may pass [M”A ibid; Machatzos Hashekel ibid; Ashel Avraham 568; Minchas Elazar 4:10] or because as the time of the afternoon is a time of Gevuros and the cutting of hair is the removal of Gevuros, and this mystically transgresses Lo Sachson Shur Bedisho. Moreh Baetzba 135; Moed Lekol Chaiy 3:3; [Lechem Min Hashamayim ibid; Pela Yoeitz Erech Giluach; Ben ish Chaiy Vayakehl 1:11, brought in Igros Kodesh 18:560] Other Poskim, however, rule that there is no issue with an afternoon haircut even on Erev Shabbos, and so is implied to be the opinion of Admur. [Admur 251:4; Aruch Hashulchan 251:3; Alef Lamagen 581:108] Practically, according to the approach that one may get a haircut at night, certainly one may do so in the afternoon. This certainly applies according to those opinions who hold that the entire issue of getting an afternoon haircut is only regarding the Mincha prayer, which does not apply to a three year old child.
[39] Shevach Habris 2; Nitei Gavriel 10:1
[40] Admur 260:1 and Kuntrus Achron 260:1; Kaf Hachaim 260:15; Nitei Gavriel 12:5
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that hair also begins growing back on the 3rd day as do nails, and one is to thus avoid cutting them on Thursday. [Taz 260:1; Nitei Gavriel 12:5 that so is custom of some]
[41] The reason: There is no custom against cutting the hair on Thursday, as there is with nails, being that hair grows back the same day as it is cut. [Kuntrus Achron 260:1]
[42] Nitei Gavriel 10:2
[43] Nitei Gavriel 10:3
[44] Aruch Hashulchan 251:3; Alef Lamagen 581:108; See Admur 251:4
[45] Custom of the Arizal brought in M”A 251:5; Shaar Hamitzvos Parshas Kedoshim; Lechem Min Hashamayim p. 25; Nagid Umitzvah 2:113; Shulchan Aruch Harizal Tosefes Shabbos 11; Gr”a brought in Aruch Hashulchan 251:3; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 128:15; Mateh Efraim 581:50; Mateh Efraim 625:11 “It is a Mitzvah Min Hamuvchar…”; Alef Lamagen 581:108 “Is a Mitzvah Min Hamuvchar”; Kaf Hachaim 260:13; 581:80 [proper to be stringent]
[46] Shevach Habris 2:1; Nitei Gavriel 10:1 footnote 2
Other customs: Some are accustomed to push up the haircut to Erev Shabbos in the event that the birthday falls on Shabbos. [Shefa Chaim 5:355; Nitei Gavriel 10:1; Shevet Halevi 8:206; Nitei Gavriel 10:1 footnote 1]
Sunday: Some are accustomed to push up the haircut to Erev Shabbos in the event that the birthday falls on Sunday, being that Sunday is a day of celebration for Christians. [Nitei Gavriel 10:2]
Erev Shabbos: If the birthday falls on a Friday, then the haircut is a take place on Friday. However, some are accustomed to do so prior to midday. [Nitei Gavriel 10:3]
[47] Igros Kodesh 22:311, printed in Likkutei Sichos 14:387, regarding if the birthday falls on Rosh Hashanah, to do it after Rosh Hashana, in close approximation to it, and not beforehand; See Letters of Rebbe in Shulchan Menachem 5:90; See Nitei Gavriel 10:1; Shevach Habris 2:1
[48] Nitei Gavriel 11:6
[49] Igros Kodesh 22:132
[50] The reason: As even during Chol Hamoed itself it is permitted from the letter of the law to give a child who is below the age of Chinuch a haircut, and hence certainly a haircut may be given on Erev Pesach after Chatzos, which is less severe than Chol Hamoed. [See Admur 468:1-2 and 6 regarding nails]
[51] See Nitei Gavriel 10:6; Shevach Habris 2:3
[52] Sefer Bein Pesach Lishavuos 19:11
[53] Michaber 531:6 that one may give a haircut to a child on Chol Hamoed [However, see M”A 531:8; Elya Raba 531:6; M”B 531:15 that this allowance only applies if the hair of the child is disturbing him]; Ginas Veradim Gan Hamelech 62; Devar Moshe 1:45; Nechpa Bakesef 2:7; Mizbeiach Adama p. 7; Shulchan Gavoa 531:13; Beir Heiytiv 531; Shaareiy Teshuvah 531:7; Kaf Hachaim 531:30; Afrasakta Deanya 161; Implication of Igros Kodesh 8:289; Shevach Habris 2:3 that so he heard from Rav Groner and ruled Rav Dworkin
The reason: As there is no obligation to give a child a haircut prior to the Moed, as he is not Bar Mitzvah. [M”A 531:8; Taz 531:6]
[54] Ginas Veradim Gan Hamelech 62; Devar Moshe 1:45; Nechpa Bakesef 2:7; Mizbeiach Adama p. 7; Shulchan Gavoa 531:13; Beir Heiytiv 531; Shaareiy Teshuvah 531:7; Peulas Tzadik 3:248; Kaf Hachaim 531:30
[55] Rav Yekusiel Farkash that he has not seen anyone do so on Chol HaMoed, not amongst Anash, or other sects; Nitei Gavriel ibid
Preceding the haircut to Erev Yom Tov: Some are accustomed to preceding the haircut to Erev Yom Tov in the event that the child was born on Chol Hamoed. [Nitei Gavriel ibid]
[56] See Igros Kodesh 8:289 and 9:4; Shevach Habris 2:3 footnote 3 in name of Rav Groner that the Rebbe would instruct children who were born on Chol Hamoed to have their haircut take place then, on Chol Hamoed. And in name of a member of Anash who says that Rav Z.S. Dworkin ruled to him similarly to have a haircut take place on Chol Hamoed Sukkos; Likewise, Rav Yeruslavski has ruled to cut the hair during Chol Hamoed; However, Rav Farkash states that he has not seen anyone do so on Chol HaMoed, not amongst Anash, or other sects, and since this is the custom, it should therefore be respected.
[57] See Igros Kodesh 8:289; 9:4; Shevach Habris 2:4 footnote 4 that so is Minhag Anash
[58] The reason: As the period of Sefira and mourning, in which we avoid haircuts, begins from the second day of Pesach. [Shiyurei Kneses Hagedola 493:9 and Kaf Hachaim 493:25 regarding haircuts that those who follow the mourning period from after Pesach, may not get a haircut even on Chol Hamoed or Rosh Chodesh Iyar even if they are permitted to do so from the laws of Chol Hamoed; See also P”M 493 M”Z 2 and Kaf Hachaim 493:9 regarding music that it is forbidden on Chol Hamoed;]
[59] Igros Kodesh 18:191 “In my opinion, it is to be done immediately after Rosh Chodesh”; 22:372 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 2:202]; Kapos Temarim 14 [on the Sefer Shivim Temarim]; Shevach Habris 2:2; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 68:7; Nitei Gavriel 11:1-5 and footnote 1 in name of Satmar Rebbe and Rav SZ”A
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that the Upsherinish haircut may take place on Rosh Chodesh itself, as one who guards a Mitzvah will know no evil. [Maharam Brisk 2:99; See also Igros Kodesh ibid for an initial argument of allowance] Others write it should take place on Erev Rosh Chodesh. [Nitei Gavriel ibid]
[60] The reason: As one may not cut the hair of his head on Rosh Chodesh. [Admur 260:1; M”A 260:1; Tzavas Rav Yehudah Hachasid 48; Olas Shabbos 260:1; Beir Heiytiv 260:2; Kneses Hagedola 260; Elya Raba 260:8; See Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 68:6-11] Now, although it is possible to argue that a mere trim is not defined as the term Giluach which is what is restricted in Tzavas Rav Yehudah Hachasid, and it is likewise possible to argue that it is not apply to a mitzvah haircut, which is the entire function of the Upsherinish, nonetheless, since the restriction is due to a worry of danger [Admur ibid; Olas Shabbos 260:1; Beir Heiytiv ibid; See Likkutei Sichos 13:264] and the haircut is not an actual mitzvah, therefore, it is best to avoid doing so [Igros Kodesh 18:191] in order to escape the question of danger, and every delays is for the best. [Igros Kodesh 22:372]
[61] Setimas Kol Haposkim that the restriction applies to both days; Piskeiy Teshuvos 260:10 footnote 95
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule it is permitted to cut nails on the first day of Rosh Chodesh. [Yad Efraim in Kuntrus Achron of Sefer Chassidim 56, in name of Darkei Tehsuvah; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 68:9] Accordingly, some suggest that the Upsherin may take place on the first day of Rosh Chodesh. [Nitei Gavriel 11:5]
[62] Custom of Arizal who took his child to three year old son to Meron and gave him a haircut on Lag Baomer [Peri Eitz Chaim 22:7; Shaar Hakavanos 86; Minchas Elazar 4:44]; Igros Kodesh 8:289, 330; 9:4; 9:58; Likkutei Sichos 7:349; 27:334; Shevach Habris 2:4; Nitei Gavriel 12:1 footnote 1 and 5
Letter of the law: From the letter of the law, a child may have his Upsherinish on any day during Sefira. However, the custom is to have it delayed until Lag BaOmer. [Igros Kodesh 8:289, 330, and 9:4, based on Shaarey Teshuvah 531, that if permitted on Chol Hamoed then certainly during Sefira]
Other opinions: Some are accustomed to give the child his Upsherinish on any day during Sefira on which he was born. [Nitei Gavriel 12:1 footnote 2] Others do it on Erev Pesach if it falls in the month of Nissan. [Nitei Gavriel 12:1 footnote 3]
[63] The reason: In my opinion, despite the letter of the law allowance to perform the haircut during Sefira, it is better to wait until Lag Baomer to do so, especially being that the custom in Eretz Yisrael is to cut the child hair on this day. [Igros Kodesh 8:289 and 9:4] Now, although the Arizal would not get a haircut even on Lag Baomer, nevertheless, this only applies to adults and to people who are greatly righteous, and not to a child, to which on the contrary, the Arizal specifically gave his son a haircut on Lag Baomer. [See Peri Eitz Chaim 22:7; Shaar Hakavanos 86; Minchas Elazar 4:44; Likkutei Sichos 27:334]
[64] Or Letziyon 3:17-3; Nitei Gavriel 12:7 footnote 18
Other opinions: Some Sephardic communities are accustomed not to have the Upsherinish take place on Lag Baomer, and rather wait until the 34th day of the Omer. [Masa Meron and Yalkut Tisporet; Nitei Gavriel 12:7 footnote 17] This follows the Sephardic custom to follow the mourning customs until the 34th day. [Michaber 493:2; Peri Chadash 493:1; Mamar Mordechai 493:3; Kaf Hachaim 493:25; Yabia Omer 3:26; Minchas Yitzchak 4:84 that so is the Sephardic custom]
[65] Shevach Habris 2:4; See Nitei Gavriel 12:8 and footnote 20
[66] Igros Kodesh 12:441; Igeres Shifrin of Munktach 297
[67] Igros Kodesh 11:60; Piskeiy Teshuvos 493 footnote 99 based on Arugas Habosem 210 that one is not to precede the haircut to the 3rd birthday.
Other customs: Some write that one may precede the haircuts of all children to Lag Baomer if their 3rd birthday falls within three months of Lag Baomer. [Hilula Derashbi based on a directive of his teacher the Minchas Elazar, brought in Piskeiy Teshuvos ibid]
[68] See Moreh Baetzba 8:221; Minchas Elazar 3:65; Kaf Hachaim 493:13; Shevach Habris footnote 6; Shevach Hamoadim p. 235 footnote 10 in name of Rav Shmuel Levitin that so was the custom in Lubavitch; Koveitz Rav Zalman Shimon p. 61; Otzer Minhagei Chabad p. 290
[69] Shevach Habris 2:5; Nitei Gavriel 13:1
[70] Shivim Temarim 14 [From letter of law is permitted, but nest is to differ until after]; Igros Kodesh 18:361; 24:355 [Do after Tisha B’av]; Shevach Habris 2:5 [Do on 10th after midday]; Mishnas Yaakov 551 in name of Satmar Rebbe; Chanoch Lanaar 21:22; Piskeiy Teshuvos 551:44 footnote 231 that so is the custom; Shevach Habris 2:5 footnote 7 that so is the custom of Anash; Nitei Gavriel 13:1 footnote 1
The reason: As it is forbidden for an adult to cut a child’s hair the week before Tishe Beav, just like an adult, as public mourning applies to children for Chinuch purposes. [Michaber 551:14; Terumos Hadeshen 152; M”A 551:38] This applies even if the child is below the age of Chinuch. [Chayeh Adam 133:18; Ben Ish Chaiy Devarim 6; Shaar Hatziyon 551:91; Aruch Hashulchan 551:31; Kaf Hachaim 551:173]
Letter of law: Some Poskim rule it is permitted to give a child a haircut up until the week of Tisha B’av. [Chayeh Adam 133:18, brought in M”B 551:82 and Kaf Hachaim 551:175] According to this opinion, it is permitted to have an Upsherinish up until the week of Tishe Beav. [Toras Yekusiel 1:2; Nitei Gavriel 13:1 footnote 2] However, some Poskim rule that the restriction to children applies throughout the three weeks, just as we rule for Ashkenazi adults. [Elya Raba 551:31; Levush 551:14] Nonetheless, even according to this opinion, one can argue that it is permitted to cut the child’s hair for the sake of the mitzvah of the Upsherinish, even in the week of Tisha b’Av, as cutting the hair for the sake of a mitzvah is permitted during the three weeks. [See Rama 551:2-3 and 16; Shivim Temarim 14] Nonetheless, being that it is permitted for one to delay the haircutting ceremony [as stated in Gan Hamelech 62], it is implied that it is not a strong enough level of a mitzvah to permit cutting a during the three weeks, and hence practically the haircut should be delayed until after Tisha b’Av. [Shivim Temarim 14]
Other customs: Some Poskim rule one may even initially perform the Upsherinish if the child turn three years old up until; the week of Tisha B’av. [Toras Yekusiel 1:2; Nitei Gavriel 13:1 footnote 2; Nitei Gavriel 8:14 in name of Tzanzer Rebbe; Piskeiy Teshuvos 551:44]
[71] Shevach Habris ibid; Nitei Gavriel 13:2
The reason: As since the Heichal was set afire on the 9th towards evening, and it burnt until sunset of the 10th, it is therefore a good custom to avoid eating meat and drinking wine [as well as to guard all the mourning customs of the nine days] on the night and day of the 10th of Menachem Av, until midday. [See Michaber and Rama 558:1; Tur 558; M”A 558:1 regarding music; M”A ibid and Bach 558 and Taz 558 in name of Rashal 92 regarding bathing, haircuts, and laundry; Levush 559:10; Elya Raba 559:31; Machazik Bracha 558:1; M”B 558:3; 551:37; Kaf Hachaim 551:76; 558:6; Piskeiy Teshuvos 558:2 based on Mekor Chaim of Chavos Yair includes all matters kept during the nine days.]
Other Opinions: Some Poskim rule that only meat and wine are forbidden. [Bach 558 and Taz 558:1 in name of Minhagim of Tirana; Mamar Mordechai, brought in Biur Halacha 558 “Ad”] See also Michaber 551:4 “It is permitted for one to get a haircut and do laundry immediately after the conclusion of the fast [of Tishe Beav].”
[72] See M”A 558:1; Elya Raba 559:31; Sheilas Yaavetz 1:106, brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah 558:2; Derech Hachaim 4; P”M 558 A”A 1; Kitzur SHU”A 124:20; Aruch Hashulchan 558:2; Ashel Avraham Butchach 558; Moeid Lekol Chaiy 10; M”B 558:3; Kaf Hachaim 558:6; Piskeiy Teshuvos 558:4; Nitei Gavriel 88-89; 13:3; Beis Aba 7; Shevach Habris ibid
[73] See Nitei Gavriel 10:7
[74] Nitei Gavriel 10:4
[75] Nitei Gavriel 10:5
[76] Nitei Gavriel Upsherinish 12:3
[77] The reason: This is based on our custom above to not recite Tachanun beginning from Erev Lag BaOmer; Furthermore, from the letter of the law a child may have an Upsherinish any time during Sefira, and it is only based on Kabala that we delay it until Lag BaOmer. [See Igros Kodesh 9:58] There is hence no reason to require delaying it until morning. Nevertheless, many are accustomed to only do so after sunrise.
[78] Piskeiy Teshuvos 493:11 footnote 82; Regarding this allowance on Chol Hamoed see: Kapei Aaron 51; Chol Hamoed Kihilchaso 3:6 [p.122]; Piskeiy Teshuvos 531:2; Nitei Gavriel Upsherinish 12:4 [and that by Meron one may cut the hair even on Motzei Lag Baomer]; See P”M 531 A”A 12; See regarding Aveilus Michaber Y.D. 390:2
[79] Shevach Habris 3:4
[80] Igros Kodesh Rayatz 2:438; Brought in Hayom Yom 4th Iyar; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87; Igros Kodesh 5:21
[81] Likkutei Sichos 33:297
[82] Igros Kodesh 24:355
[83] See Nitei Gavriel Aveilus 29:4; 32:4; Upsherinish 23:5-6
[84] See Nitei Gavriel 1:3 to initially do the next day, although one who desires may do so that day; See Igros Kodesh 11:5; 22:372 that the main Hakpada is not to precede it before the 3rd birthday, while to delay it a few days is ok.
[85] See Nitei Gavriel 1:4 that those who follow Rabbeinu Tam may follow the previous day if born before sunset of Rabbeinu Tam
[86] Admur 55:13; M”A 55:10; Elya Raba 55:9; Yad Ahron; M”B 55:45; Ketzos Hashulchan 15:6; Derech Hachaim; Kneses Hagedola; Poskim in Kaf Hachaim 55:60
[87] The reason: Although regarding the months and years we count starting from the second day of Rosh Chodesh, which is the main day [of the coming month] while the first day of Rosh Chodesh belongs to the previous month, nevertheless the child does not complete a full 13 years to the day until 29 full days have passed from Mar Cheshvan, just as it was when he was born, in which 29 days had passed from Mar Cheshvan. [Admur ibid; M”A ibid]
[88] Elya Raba 55:9; P”M 55 A”A 10; Machatzis Hashekel 55:10; Tehila Ledavid 55:8; Kaf Hachaim 55:60
[89] M”B 55:45 in name of Elya Raba; Bach; Rav Akiva Eiger; Ketzos Hashulchan 15:6
[90] Shaareiy Teshuvah 55:5 in name of Elya Raba 55:10 who states that perhaps according to M”A ibid who rules the 30th day belongs to the previous month then one does not become Bar Mitzvah until Kislev begins.
[91] See Nitei Gavriel 1:8; See Igros Kodesh 24:295; Yerushalmi Megillah 1:5 that discusses which month is considered the Chodesh Haiibur
[92] Michaber 55:10
Why was this law omitted from the Shulchan Aruch Harav Chapter 55? Tzaruch Iyun Gadol regarding why this Halacha was omitted from Admur chapter 55, despite him bringing another Halacha from that same Magen Avraham [55:10]. [Igros Kodesh 24:295; 28:129; Hisvasyus ibid] Perhaps Admur wanted to bring it in his section on the laws of Purim, however it is very difficult to accept such an answer. [Likkutei Sichos 15 p. 603] Alternatively Admur wanted to bring it in the Mahadura Basra [Hisvadyus 1986 2:538] Alternatively in the original manuscript this Halacha was found in full and was mistakenly omitted by the editors. [So suggests Kuntrus Hashulchan p. 20 as a certainty.]
[93] Shvus Yaakov 1:9; Peri Chadash; Eliyahu Raba; Levush 685; Yeshuos Yaakov 55:6; Mahri Mintz; Machatziz Hashekel and Beir Heiytiv 55:11 in name of Shvus Yaakov ibid which concludes that so is the ruling of all Baalei Horah; Chasam Sofer 14 [however see Chasam Sofer 163]; Derech Hachaim Kaddish 3; Chayeh Adam 66:1; Kitzur SHU”A 15:2; Chasan Sofer 99; Aruch Hashulchan 55:14; M”B 55:43
Other Opinions: Some Poskim rule that by a leap year one always celebrates on Adar II even if he was born in Adar I. [Magen Avraham 55:10; Olas Tamid 55:5; Shulchan Shlomo 55:5]
[94] Rama 55:10; See Igros Kodesh 24:295; Shulchan Menachem 3:307 for a discussion on why the Yerushalmi Megillah 1:5 does not mention whether a Bar Mitzvah is in Adar Rishon or Sheiyni.
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule one is to celebrate his birthday and Bar Mitzvah in Adar Rishon. [Mahrash Levi 16] Some Poskim rule that one is to be stringent like this opinion, for the Bar Mitzvah boy to begin wearing Tefillin in Adar Rishon. [Beis Shlomo Even Haezer 56] Practically, this is not the custom, and rather all customs are followed only from the second of Adar . [Shulchan Melachim ibid] Regarding Tefillin however, the Chabad custom is to begin wearing them two months before the Bar Mitzvah.
[95] Minchas Yitzchak 6:8; Binyan Tziyon 141; Mishpatecha Leyaakov 13; So also rules regarding a Yartzite: M”B 568:42 in name of Magen Avraham 568:20, following the Girsa of the Machatzis Hashekel and Yad Efraim in M”A ibid, however see P”M ibid for a different Girsa
[96] Igros Moshe Y.D. 3:159 regarding a yartzite; See Nitei Gavriel 12:4 footnote 7 for the different opinions on this matter; So rules regarding one who was born on the 30th of Cheshvan or Kisleiv that he does not become Bar Mitzvah until the 1st of Kisleiv:Teves: Admur 55:13; M”A 55:10; Elya Raba 55:9; Yad Ahron; M”B 55:45; Ketzos Hashulchan 15:6; Derech Hachaim; Kneses Hagedola; Poskim in Kaf Hachaim 55:60; and so rules regarding one who was born on the 1st of Kisleiv and the next year there are two days Rosh Chodesh Kisleiv, that he celebrates only on the 1st day of Kisleiv: Shaareiy Teshuvah 55:5 in name of Elya Raba
[97] See Nitei Gavriel ibid that some say one is to celebrate on the 1st of Adar
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