Chapter 1: The Mitzvah & its Background[1]

Introduction: An Upsherinish [Yiddish] or Tiglachat/Chalakah/Gezizah [Hebrew/Arabic[2]] is a great custom amongst the customs of Israel which represents the formal start of education of a boy in Torah and Mitzvos. It is the first haircut given to a boy upon him reaching three years of age. The age old Jewish custom is to have the boy grow out his hair until age three, and to be particular not to give him a haircut prior to this age. This haircut represents the child’s education in Torah and Mitzvos, as the haircut leaves the son with visible Peyos, which is the long traditional appearance of a Jew. It is also customary to be particular to educate the child from this time and onwards to perform other religious duties, such as wearing a Yarmulka, Tzitzis, saying morning blessings, Kerias Shema Sheal Hamita, and other matters of the like. The Upsherinish ceremony is very obscure in Jewish literature. It is not mentioned in the Talmud, or codifiers, and bits and pieces must be collected from scattered places in order to bring a set table of directives regarding what the ceremony is and what it should appear as. While the Rebbe strongly pushed for the keeping of this Jewish custom at age three, when the Rebbe was asked as to the details of the Upsherinish cutting hair ceremony, he replied that he did not receive any directives in this matter.[3] Nonetheless, various details have been compiled from the wealth of Jewish literature that can give some light onto this subject.

1. The Mitzvah – What is done?[4]

An Upsherinish is the first haircut given to a boy and represents the child’s education in Torah and Mitzvos, as the haircut leaves the son with visible Peyos, which is the traditional appearance of a Jew.[5] This ceremony is alternatively called by the term “Chinuch Mitzvah.[6]” This haircut is given upon him reaching three years of ag, as will be explained in Chapter 2 Halacha 1. The age-old Jewish custom is to have the boy grow out his hair until age three, and to be particular not to give him a haircut prior to this age.

“Cutting the hair to form out the Peyos, and performing the Upsherinish ceremony, is a great custom amongst the customs of Israel.[7]”

Reasons behind the custom Why age three? There are several connections between the age of three and the start of the child’s education: The Mitzvah of Arla:[8] In the Mitzvah of Arla, it is prohibited to benefit from the fruit of the tree for its first three years, while in its fourth year the fruit is to be consecrated and brought to Jerusalem to be eaten. Now, man is compared to a tree, and in the first three years the child is not yet mature enough to be educated in Mitzvos. Once he reaches the start of his fourth year, he is now prepared to be educated towards service of Hashem, just as the fruits in the 4th year are consecrated to Hashem, and taken to Jerusalem. Reishis Hageiz:[9] Some compare the cutting of the hair to the Mitzvah of Reishis Hagaz.  Cutting the hair of Tzaraas:[10] When the Torah mentions the term והתגלח/And he shall remove his hair, the letter gimmel is oversized. Now gimmel is numerically equivalent to three, alluding to the fact that there is a removal of hair which is a holy act performed when a child reaches three.   Cutting the hair at age three and its connection to the internalization of the G-dly soul: A possible connection between cutting the hair and the age of three can be seen after delving deeper into the meaning of these two matters. The meaning of hair and hair cutting: In Kabbalah[11] it is explained that hair serves the function of contracting and diluting infinite G-dly levels into small quantities so that the creations can internalize the revelation. For this reason, Ahron and the Kohanim needed these hairs, as the Kohanim represented the level of Rav Chesed, Chesed of Atzilus, and the hairs were the channels through which the revelation to the Jewish people would be diluted so they could internalize the revelation. The Levim however were from Gevura of Atzilus and did not have a need to dilute their level of Gevura, as Gevura is already contracted. On the contrary, further diluting this level would be damaging and allow the Kelipos to nurture from the holiness, and for this reason the Levim had to be shaved. We likewise find in the Talmud[12] that having long hair is a sign of beauty and can lead one’s inclination to be inflamed with lust, and cause women to try to sin with him. Thus, removing the hair represents a curving of lusts and physical pleasures. The meaning of the third birthday: The age of three years old is associated with Chinuch of a child, being that at three years of age, the child has reached a certain level of mental maturity that allows for his education to begin. Thus, we find that Avraham Avinu recognized Hashem at three years of age.[13] Likewise, the Midrash[14] states that from age three the father begins to educate his child in Torah. In Halacha[15] we find that a father a Biblically obligated to teach his young child Torah, as the verse states “Velimaditem Es Bneichem Lidaber Bam”, and when does this obligation begin, from when the child begins to talk. At that point, the father is to teach him the verse of Torah Tziva and the first verse of Shema Yisrael. The G-dly soul begins to enter at the age of education and then begins the Kelipos: The Alter Rebbe states in Shulchan Aruch:[16] The G-dly soul only completely and mainly enters a person when he reaches the age of Bar or Bas Mitzvah, and it is for this reason that when they reach this age they become Biblically obligated to keep the commands, and are punished for transgression. Now, the beginning of the entrance of the G-dly soul into a child’s body is from the age that the Sages obligated the child to be educated in Torah and Mitzvos. Thus, once the child has reached the age of Chinuch, one must be careful to educate them to wash hands after awakening in the morning. However, before the age of Chinuch, since the G-dly soul has not even begun to enter their body, this impurity does not desire to seek nurture from their bodies upon them sleeping. The reason we cut the hair at age three: Based on all the above, we can offer a possible explanation for why we cut the hair at age three: Since at age three the child reaches an age of mental maturity which formally allows the start of his education, therefore, the G-dly soul begins entering the body of the child at age three. Once the G-dly soul begins to reside in the body, the Kelipos are now able to nurture from it. For this reason, we cut the child’s hair and cease the nurturing of Kelipos which is represented by the hair. We likewise cut the hair to banish future foreign lusts from the child already at a young age.   The significance of age three – A teaching from Likkutei Torah Parshas Kedoshim: The age of three holds much significance in Jewish thought and literature. For example, it states that Avraham recognized his creator at age three. Likewise, a girl is not considered fit for intimacy and hence cannot be consecrated through intimacy until age three. The reason for this is because prior to age 3 a girl is not considered fit for unity. The mystical reason behind all this is as follows: The first three years of a person’s life correspond to the three completely unclean Kelipos, [during which one is not capable of truly giving up of himself for another, whether it be G-d or another person in marriage]. The divine lesson: Any parent knows how frustrating it is to deal with a two-year-olds temper tantrum. Toddlers tend to be overly selfish, as is expressed in their over possessiveness of items that may not necessarily even be theirs, and their inability to share with others. It is literally often, “their way or the highway [i.e. mom driving away to escape the screams].” As much as we try to educate them to be kind and share it often falls on deaf ears. The above teaching sheds some light onto this behavior and can help parents manage dealing with their child during this stage of selfishness and self-centeredness. Prior to age 3, the divine energy that shines onto the child’s animal soul to enliven it comes from a level of Kelipa which is the epitome of ego and self-centeredness, and does not contain any space for another person to be invited inside. Therefore, the only thing that exists to the child prior to age three is what they want and desire. The wants and desires of other people is completely irrelevant to them. For this exact reason, they cannot marry. After reaching age 3, their level of nurture from Kelipa changes and they now begin to nurture from a level of evil that contains also good. Now is the main time to begin their education in acts of sharing and selflessness. How interesting is it that countless studies have found that by age 3 children begin to show genuine compassion and empathy.[17] We now have learned the reason behind it.

2. The source and status of obligation:

A. When did the custom begin?[18]

The custom of the Upsherinish dates back many generations, although not amongst all Jewish communities. Its first written source is in the writings of the Arizal[19], which discusses the Upshrinish ceremony that the Arizal performed on his son in approximately the year 1570. The Arizal, shortly after arriving to Tzefas from Egypt took his young son on Lag Baomer to Meron to have his haircut. Rav Chaim Vital concludes “As is the known custom.” Another haircutting ceremony is recorded in the responses of the Radbaz[20], who was a teacher of the Arizal back in Egypt, regarding one who vowed to cut his son’s hair by the Kever of Shmuel Hanavi. The Radbaz writes that this ceremony has already become common practice and has the status of a Neder. Nonetheless, both of these records do not include the details of the ceremony, nor the age of the child who had his hair cut, and from the description of the Radbaz, it is understood that the ceremony was used as a form of charity towards the Kever, as the people would donate the weight of the cut hair to the burial site. It is unclear as to how far back this custom actually goes, but one thing is for certain, that in the times of the Arizal and Radbaz it was already a known custom. However, we do find evidence that in those days this custom was only widespread in Eretz Yisrael, while in the Diaspora, the custom was not yet known.[21] Likewise, many of the Achronim, all mention this custom in reference to Eretz Yisrael.[22] Nonetheless, today, this custom has become widespread even amongst people of the Diaspora.[23] Indeed, the Alter Rebbe was brought to the Baal Shem Tov on his third birthday for his Upsherinish.[24] Likewise, the Tzemach Tzedek had his hair cut on his third birthday by his grandfather, the Alter Rebbe.[25] Likewise, the Rebbe Rashab had his hair cut discreetly on his third birthday by his grandfather the Tzemach Tzedek.[26] Accordingly, it seems that this custom began becoming widespread in the Diaspora through the students of the Baal Shem Tov and the Chassidic movement.[27] This custom is a tradition of the Chabad Rabbeim from generation to generation.[28]

B. Status of obligation and what communities follow it:

Although the custom of the Upsherinish is not recorded in the Shulchan Aruch and not mention in the vast majority of Achronim[29], nonetheless, the Poskim of recent generations record this custom as a custom of all Jewry which is to be respected.[30] The Rebbe[31] stated that the custom has the full status of all Minhagei Yisrael which is Torah[32], and is possibly under the definition of a positive and negative command.[33]  [With that said, one cannot ignore the fact that there still remains communities to this very day, especially from Lithuanian Jewry, who do not perform the Chalaka ceremony, and some are even opposed to it. As stated, originally this custom was not widespread in communities of the Diaspora, and some claim opposition to its performance as it resembles ceremonies practiced by Indian tribes of idolatry to cut the hair of a child at age 3. Its widespread performance today is mainly among Sephardic and Chassidic communities.[34]]

The reason the custom is not written in the Talmud and other Sefarim of the revealed aspects of Torah:[35] The grandson of the Tzemach Tzedek, Yitzchak Dovber, in his Siddur Maharid writes the reason the custom of the Upshernish was not written about in the revealed aspects of Torah, is because it is above Seder Hishtalshlus.   List of communities who follow the custom of Upsherinish [although not necessarily at age 3]: 1. Yemenite Jewry 2. Polish Jewry 3. Lithuanian Jewry 4. Gur 5. Square 6. The Steipler 7. Chabad 8. Sephardim 9. Yerushalmiyim

3. The purpose of the ceremony:

An Upsherinish represents the child’s formal start of education in Torah and Mitzvos. The main aspect of this custom is the haircut which leaves the son with visible Peyos, thus fulfilling the Mitzvah of not shaving the sideburns, as well as leaving the Jewish imprint on the face of the young child.[36] Aside for the educational aspects of leaving the Peyos on the child, it also draws onto the soul of the child additional holiness.[37] It is also customary to be particular to educate the child from this time and onwards to perform other religious duties, such as wearing a Yarmulka, Tzitzis, saying morning blessings, Kerias Shema Sheal Hamita, and other matters of the like. In essence, the Upsherinish is the inauguration of a Jewish boy into Torah and Mitzvos.

The power of the ceremony in the child’s education: The Rebbe states that on the day of the third birthday, there is a great revelation in heaven above to assist the child in his spiritual education in Torah and Mitzvos. Cutting the hair to form out the Peyos, and performing the Upsherinish ceremony, is thus a great custom amongst the customs of Israel.[38] On this day one has an opportunity to draw additional holiness onto the soul of the child, in both spiritual and material matters.[39]

Educating the child in having Peyos as done generationally certainly draws down great holiness onto the soul of the child.[40]

 

4. Preparing the child for the big day:[41]

Amongst all the other preparations for the Upsherinish, one is to prepare the child for his big day. It may not be easy for him to lose those beautiful locks of hair, and he may feel anxious about all the people and visitors who will be present. One should explain to the child of the event, and prepare him mentally and emotionally for the big step that he will now take. A good idea is to take him to an Upsherinish of a friend, and have him get a real feel of what his big day will look like for him.

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[1] Sources which mention the Minhag of Upsheranish:

Achronim: Shaar HaKavannos, Inyan Sefiras HaOmer, 12; Peri Etz Chayim, Shaar Sefiras HaOmer, ch. 7; Matzeivos Kodesh, p. 101; Naggid Mitzvah p. 64; Mishnas Chassidim Miseches Iyar Vesivan 1:7; Lechem Min Hashamayim Inyan Sefiras Haomer; Shulchan Aruch Harizal Kavanas Sefiras Haomer 3; Radbaz 1:513 and 2:608; Kitzur Shlah; Elya Raba 17:2; Ginas Veradim Gan Hamelech 62; Devar Moshe 1:45; Nechpa Bakesef 2:7; Mizbeiach Adama p. 7; Shulchan Gavoa 531:13; Siddur Yaavetz; Shaareiy Teshuvah 17:2; Shaareiy Teshuvah O.C. 531:7; Sdei Chemed Beis Hakenses 10; Lev Chaim 2:172; China Dechayeh 55; Meoros Nasan 112; Kaf Hachaim 531:30; Shivim Temarim 68 Kapos Temarim 14; Siddur Maharid 1:169; Arugas Habosem 210; Maharam Brisk 2:98; Toras Yekusiel 47; Afrakasta Deanya 161; 438; Tal Yerushalayim; Keser Shem Tov Gagin p. 591; Divrei Yatziv Y.D. 133; Shefa Chaim Michtavei Torah 5:357; Peulas Tzadik 3:236; Hillula Derashbi p. 85

Chabad: Sefer Hasichos 5700 p. 40; Sefer Hamamarim 5710 p. 163; Likkutei Dibburim 3:481; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 2:438; Igros Kodesh Rebbe 4:406; 5:21; 7:235; 8:289; 9:4; 11:5; 60; 12:134; 419; 441; 14:39; 313; 18:191; 361; 21:174; 22:311; 336; 372; 24:132; Hayom Yom 4^th Iyar; Likkutei Sichos 14:387; 22:329; 33:297; Toras Menachem 5712 3:24; Toras Menachem 14:67; Heichal Menachem 2:29; Sichas 26^th Menachem Av 5713; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87; Shulchan Menachem 5:28

Melaktim: Shevach Habris 1:1; Nitei Gavriel

[2] See Nitei Gavriel 1 footnote 3; Igros Kodesh 11:60

[3] Arugas Habosem 210; Maharam Brisk 2:98; Igros Kodesh 4:406; 21:174

[4] Igros Kodesh Rayatz 2:438; Igros Kodesh Rebbe 4:406; 21:174; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87; Shevach Habris 1:1; Nitei Gavriel 1:1

[5] Mishnas Chassidim Miseches Iyar Vesivan 1:7; Shaareiy Teshuvah O.C. 531:7 in name of Gan Hamelech; Shivim Temarim Kapos Temarim 14

[6] Shivim Temarim Kapos Temarim 14

[7] Igros Kodesh Rebbe Rayatz 2:438; Igros Kodesh 5:21; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87

[8] See Kitzur Shlah; Elya Raba 17:2; Shaareiy Teshuvah 17:2; Yalkut Shimoni and Midrash Tanchuma, Parshas Kedoshim, sec. 14; Panei’ach Raza (Parshas Kodashim); Arugos Habosem 210

[9] Siddur Maharid 1:169; Igros Kodesh 5:22; 12:134; 419; Toras Menachem 5712 3:24; Sefer Matamim Mareches Saros 1

[10] Hagahos of Shlomo Ahron Wertheimer on Midrash Rebbe Akiva

[11] Likkutei Torah 54a

[12] Nazir 4b: “Rebbe Shimon Hatzadim said “My entire life I did not eat an Asham of a Tamei Nazir with exception to one man who came to me from the South, with beautiful with beautiful eyes and a good complexion. He had many locks of hair which were beautifully organized. I said to him, my son, what made you decide to destroy this hair [by becoming a Nazir and needing to shave it off after thirty days]? He replied: I was a shepherd for my father, and went to draw water from the well. I looked into my reflection in the water, and my inclination immediately became inflamed with lust and desired to banish me from the world. I said to him “You empty one, why are you arrogant in a world that is not yours, and in the end you will become spoilage and filled with worms. I will therefore shave you for the sake of G-d. Rebbe Shimon got up and kissed the man on his head and I told him “May Nezirim like you increase in the world.”; See also Rosh Hashana 26b; and Bereishis 39:6 in Rashi regarding Yosef who would twirl his locks of hair.  

[13] Tanchuma Vayeira 22:3

[14] Pesikta Zutrasi; Tanchuma Tetzaveh

[15] Admur in Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:1; Michaber 245:5; Rambam Talmud Torah 1:6; Sukkah 42a

[16] Basra 4:2

[17] See https://choc.org/primary-care/ages-stages/3-years/  “How Does My 3-Year-Old Child Interact With Others? While every child is unique and will develop different personalities, the following are some of the common behavioral traits that may be present in your child: Begins to share and likes to play with other children. Can take turns. Temper tantrums are less frequent. Begins to show feelings in socially acceptable ways.”

[18] See Nitei Gavriel Upsherinish in Introduction; See Sichas 26^th Menachem Av 5713 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5:28] that cutting the hair at age three is first mentioned in the Achronim, although is seemingly an old tradition

[19] See Shaar HaKavannos, Inyan Sefiras HaOmer, 12; Peri Etz Chayim, Shaar Sefiras HaOmer, ch. 7; Matzeivos Kodesh, p. 101; Naggid Mitzvah p. 64; Mishnas Chassidim Iyar 7

[20] Radbaz 1:513 and 2:608

[21] See Sefer Tal Yerushalayim p. 38 “The people of the diaspora know nothing of this custom and when they come to Eretz Yisrael and see the ceremony, they begin questioning it.”; See Keser Shem Tov Gagin p. 591 that in London they know nothing of this custom

[22] Ginas Veradim Gan Hamelech 62; Devar Moshe 1:45; Nechpa Bakesef 2:7; Mizbeiach Adama p. 7; Shulchan Gavoa 531:13; Shaareiy Teshuvah 531:7; Kaf Hachaim 531:30; Shivim Temarim 68

[23] Likkutei Sichos 22:329

[24] Likkutei Dibburim 3:481

[25] Sefer Hasichos 5700 p. 40

[26] Sefer Hamamarim 5710 p. 163

[27] See Nitei Gavriel Mavo p. 23-24

[28] Likkutei Sichos 22:329

[29] Omitted form Seder Yaavetz

[30] Arugas Habosem 210; Maharam Brisk 2:98; Afrakasta Deanya 161

[31] See Igros Kodesh 7:235; Likkutei Sichos 22:329

[32] See Admur 494:16; Rama Y.D. 376:4; Tosafus Menachos 20b; Maharil; Minhagim Yisheinim Midura p. 153; Yerushalmi Pesachim 4:1

[33] See Igros Kodesh 7:235 that it is implied from Rambam beginning of Hilchos Mamrim that Minhagim that have become accepted upon all Jewry enter into the Geder of a positive and negative command; See also Choshen Mishpat 25 Urim 22; Admur Talmud Torah 2

[34] See Nitei Gavriel Mavo p. 24

[35] Siddur Maharid end of Vol. 1 p. 169b; Likkutei Sichos 22:329; See Likkutei Torah Sukkos 80 regarding the Nissuch Hamayim

[36] Mishneh Chassidim Iyar Vesivan 1:7; Ginas Veradim Gan Hamelech 62; Shaareiy Teshuvah 531:7; Kaf Hachaim 531:30; Shivim Temarim 68 Kapos Temarim 14; Igros Kodesh Rayatz 2:438; Brought in Hayom Yom 4^th Iyar; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87; Divrei Yatziv Y.D. 133; Shefa Chaim Michtavei Torah 5:357

[37] Igros Kodesh 14:313

[38] Igros Kodesh Rebbe Rayatz 2:438; Igros Kodesh 5:21; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87

[39] Igros Kodesh 14:313

[40] Igros Kodesh Rebbe Rayatz 2:438

[41] Nitei Gavriel Chapter 4:1-2

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