Introduction:

An Upsherinish [Yiddish] or Tiglachat/Chalakah/Gezizah [Hebrew/Arabic[1]] is a great custom amongst the customs of Israel which represents the formal start of education of a boy in Torah and Mitzvos. It is the first haircut given to a boy upon him reaching three years of age. The age old Jewish custom is to have the boy grow out his hair until age three, and to be particular not to give him a haircut prior to this age. This haircut represents the child’s education in Torah and Mitzvos, as the haircut leaves the son with visible Peyos, which is the long traditional appearance of a Jew. It is also customary to be particular to educate the child from this time and onwards to perform other religious duties, such as wearing a Yarmulka, Tzitzis, saying morning blessings, Kerias Shema Sheal Hamita, and other matters of the like. The Upsherinish ceremony is very obscure in Jewish literature. It is not mentioned in the Talmud, or codifiers, and bits and pieces must be collected from scattered places in order to bring a set table of directives regarding what the ceremony is and what it should appear as. While the Rebbe strongly pushed for the keeping of this Jewish custom at age three, when the Rebbe was asked as to the details of the Upsherinish cutting hair ceremony, he replied that he did not receive any directives in this matter.[2] Nonetheless, various details have been compiled from the wealth of Jewish literature that can give some light onto this subject. 

 Reasons behind the custom

Why age three?

There are several connections between the age of three and the start of the child’s education:

The Mitzvah of Arla:[7] In the Mitzvah of Arla, it is prohibited to benefit from the fruit of the tree for its first three years, while in its fourth year the fruit is to be consecrated and brought to Jerusalem to be eaten. Now, man is compared to a tree, and in the first three years the child is not yet mature enough to be educated in Mitzvos. Once he reaches the start of his fourth year, he is now prepared to be educated towards service of Hashem, just as the fruits in the 4^th year are consecrated to Hashem, and taken to Jerusalem.

Reishis Hageiz:[8] Some compare the cutting of the hair to the Mitzvah of Reishis Hagaz. 

Cutting the hair of Tzaraas:[9] When the Torah mentions the term והתגלח/And he shall remove his hair, the letter gimmel is oversized. Now gimmel is numerically equivalent to three, alluding to the fact that there is a removal of hair which is a holy act performed when a child reaches three.

Cutting the hair at age three and its connection to the internalization of the G-dly soul:

A possible connection between cutting the hair and the age of three can be seen after delving deeper into the meaning of these two matters.

The meaning of hair and hair cutting: In Kabbalah[10] it is explained that hair serves the function of contracting and diluting infinite G-dly levels into small quantities so that the creations can internalize the revelation. For this reason, Ahron and the Kohanim needed these hairs, as the Kohanim represented the level of Rav Chesed, Chesed of Atzilus, and the hairs were the channels through which the revelation to the Jewish people would be diluted so they could internalize the revelation. The Levim however were from Gevura of Atzilus and did not have a need to dilute their level of Gevura, as Gevura is already contracted. On the contrary, further diluting this level would be damaging and allow the Kelipos to nurture from the holiness, and for this reason the Levim had to be shaved. We likewise find in the Talmud[11] that having long hair is a sign of beauty and can lead one’s inclination to be inflamed with lust, and cause women to try to sin with him. Thus, removing the hair represents a curving of lusts and physical pleasures.

The meaning of the third birthday: The age of three years old is associated with Chinuch of a child, being that at three years of age, the child has reached a certain level of mental maturity that allows for his education to begin. Thus, we find that Avraham Avinu recognized Hashem at three years of age.[12] Likewise, the Midrash[13] states that from age three the father begins to educate his child in Torah. In Halacha[14] we find that a father a Biblically obligated to teach his young child Torah, as the verse states “Velimaditem Es Bneichem Lidaber Bam”, and when does this obligation begin, from when the child begins to talk. At that point, the father is to teach him the verse of Torah Tziva and the first verse of Shema Yisrael.

The G-dly soul begins to enter at the age of education and then begins the Kelipos: The Alter Rebbe states in Shulchan Aruch:[15] The G-dly soul only completely and mainly enters a person when he reaches the age of Bar or Bas Mitzvah, and it is for this reason that when they reach this age they become Biblically obligated to keep the commands, and are punished for transgression. Now, the beginning of the entrance of the G-dly soul into a child’s body is from the age that the Sages obligated the child to be educated in Torah and Mitzvos. Thus, once the child has reached the age of Chinuch, one must be careful to educate them to wash hands after awakening in the morning. However, before the age of Chinuch, since the G-dly soul has not even begun to enter their body, this impurity does not desire to seek nurture from their bodies upon them sleeping.

The reason we cut the hair at age three: Based on all the above, we can offer a possible explanation for why we cut the hair at age three: Since at age three the child reaches an age of mental maturity which formally allows the start of his education, therefore, the G-dly soul begins entering the body of the child at age three. Once the G-dly soul begins to reside in the body, the Kelipos are now able to nurture from it. For this reason, we cut the child’s hair and cease the nurturing of Kelipos which is represented by the hair. We likewise cut the hair to banish future foreign lusts from the child already at a young age.

The significance of age three – A teaching from Likkutei Torah Parshas Kedoshim:

The age of three holds much significance in Jewish thought and literature. For example, it states that Avraham recognized his creator at age three. Likewise, a girl is not considered fit for intimacy and hence cannot be consecrated through intimacy until age three. The reason for this is because prior to age 3 a girl is not considered fit for unity. The mystical reason behind all this is as follows: The first three years of a person’s life correspond to the three completely unclean Kelipos, [during which one is not capable of truly giving up of himself for another, whether it be G-d or another person in marriage].

• The divine lesson: Any parent knows how frustrating it is to deal with a two-year-olds temper tantrum. Toddlers tend to be overly selfish, as is expressed in their over possessiveness of items that may not necessarily even be theirs, and their inability to share with others. It is literally often, “their way or the highway [i.e. mom driving away to escape the screams].” As much as we try to educate them to be kind and share it often falls on deaf ears. The above teaching sheds some light onto this behavior and can help parents manage dealing with their child during this stage of selfishness and self-centeredness. Prior to age 3, the divine energy that shines onto the child’s animal soul to enliven it comes from a level of Kelipa which is the epitome of ego and self-centeredness, and does not contain any space for another person to be invited inside. Therefore, the only thing that exists to the child prior to age three is what they want and desire. The wants and desires of other people is completely irrelevant to them. For this exact reason, they cannot marry. After reaching age 3, their level of nurture from Kelipa changes and they now begin to nurture from a level of evil that contains also good. Now is the main time to begin their education in acts of sharing and selflessness. How interesting is it that countless studies have found that by age 3 children begin to show genuine compassion and empathy.^[16] We now have learned the reason behind it.