1. Eating regulations during Shiva

Shop Now

*As an Amazon Associate I earn from  qualifying purchases.

WhatsApp
Facebook
Twitter
Telegram

Sign up for Daily Distribution

1. Eating regulations: [1]

There are no eating regulations during Shiva and the mourner may eat whatever foods he desires, including meat and wine, as will be explained.

Meat:[2] It is permitted for the mourner to eat meat during Shiva.[3] [This applies towards all Kosher meat and poultry, without restriction.]

Wine:[4] It is permitted to drink wine during Shiva.[5] [Furthermore, some Poskim[6] rule it is even a Mitzvah and obligation for the mourner to drink wine during the meal.[7] Practically, one is not required to drink wine if he does not want to.[8]] Nevertheless, he is to limit his intake of wine, and is only to drink it during the meal, to help digest the food, and not during other times to get drunk.[9]

Q&A May people who are Menachem Avel eat food in the Shiva home?[10] Some[11] are accustomed not to eat any food, or take any item, from the Shiva home throughout the seven days of Shiva.[12] Others[13] rule there is no need to be particular in this matter, and that so is the custom of many to eat food in the Shiva home after Shacharis. Some[14] write that the custom to be stringent in this matter [according to the first opinion] only applies to the house in which the person passed away. However, if the person did not pass away in the Shiva home then there is no need to refrain from eating food in the home. [Practically, the widespread Ashkenazi custom is not to eat any foods in any Shiva home throughout Shiva. While the Sephardic custom is on the contrary, to honor the visitors with food. Many Chabad Rabbanim have testified to this custom of avoiding eating in a Shiva home and that one is to abide by it.[15] However, there are Chassidishe homes that offer the comforters food and drink.[16] Seemingly, on Shabbos there is room to be lenient according to all.[17]] Lechayim:[18] It is not our custom to offer a Lechayim in the Shiva home during the Shiva, with exception to the seventh day, after Shacharis.   May one eat or drink his own food in the house of the mourner?[19] The Ashkenazi custom stated above is not to eat any food in the house of the Avel even if it is one’s own food that he brought with him. [Due to this, it is proper, for those who follow this practice, not to bring any food to the house of the Avel even if he desires to eat it later on when he leaves the house.]   May one drink from the cup of an Avel?[20] The custom is not to drink from the cup of an Avel unless one washes the cup in-between.[21] This however does not apply on Shabbos.[22] Likewise, women are not accustomed to being careful in this matter.[23] Even men can choose not to be particular in this matter.[24]   May the mourners sit on regular chairs during the meal? One is to sit on a low stool even during the meals, however some are accustomed to being lenient to sit in regular chairs, as explained in the next Halacha.

May an Avel smoke during Shiva?[25] One who is a regular smoker may smoke during Shiva.   May an Avel smell good scents during Shiva?[26] Yes.

_______________________________________________

[1] Michaber 378:8; Rambam 4:6

[2] Michaber 378:8; Rambam 4:6; Taz 398:2

[3] The reason: The prohibition of eating meat only applies prior to the burial when the mourner is an Onen, however during Shiva it is permitted to drink wine and eat meat. [Shach 378:7]

[4] Michaber 378:8; Rambam 4:6; Taz 398:2

[5] The reason: The prohibition of drinking wine only applies prior to the burial when the mourner is an Onen, however during Shiva it is permitted to drink wine and eat meat. [Shach 378:7]

[6] Kesubos 8b, brought in Tur 378, “The Sages instituted 10 cups of wine to be drunk in the Shiva home”; The Tur ibid learns this Gemara literally that one is meant to drink wine and concludes “and so is the custom”; Beis Hillel 478 that for this reason even a Nazir in Aveilus may drink wine as it is a Biblical Mitzvah and obligation; See however Yad Avraham 378 who argues on his conclusion

Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that the above statement of the Gemara was not to be taken literally as an obligation but rather simply as a giving of permission. [Beis Yosef 378 in explanation of Rambam]

[7] The reason: As the whole purpose of creation of wine was to comfort mourners. [Eiruvin 65a, brought in Beis Hillel ibid]

[8] Setimas Michaber and Nosei Keilim in Shulchan Aruch; Beis Yosef 378 “The custom is not like this approach”

[9] Michaber ibid; Tur ibid in name of Ramban; Kesubos ibid “Since they saw people were drinking and getting drunk they amended their decree.”

[10] See Nitei Gavriel 92:1

[11] Elya Raba O.C. 224:7; Rav Akiva Eiger 376; Beis Lechem Yehuda 376 that so is the custom in these provinces; Aruch Hashulchan 376:11; Mishmeres Shalom Mem 60; Keser Shem Tov p. 684; Kaf Hachaim 224:46

[12] The reason: As there is a spirit of impurity that resides in the house of the Avel throughout the seven days. [ibid]

[13] Yosef Ometz p. 330; Noheg Katzon Yosef p. 50; Ikarei Hadaat 34:30; Chaim Bayad 125; Yabia Omer 4:35; Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 5; Nishmas Yisrael p. 130

[14] Nitei Gavriel ibid in name of Misgeres Hashulchan 376 and Even Yaakov 42

[15] Rav Eli Landa stated that his father was very careful in this matter, and so he saw accustomed amongst Chassidim to be careful; Rav Yeruslavsky stated the custom is to be stringent; Rav Gluchovsky stated the Chabad custom is to be stringent; Rav A.L. Hakohen told me the custom in all Ashkenazi circles is to be stringent in this.

[16] Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 5; Rabbi Leibel Groner in a correspondence related that he witnessed in many Chassidishe homes to offer Lechayim and Mezonos after Shacharis.

[17] See Shivlei Haleket 23 that the adherence of not drinking form the cup of an Avel does not apply on Shabbos; See Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 21

[18] See Toras Menachem-Reshimos Hayoman p. 414 that the Rebbe Rayatz instructed the Rebbe to have Lechayim distributed only on the 7^th day; See also Toras Menachem 5750 p. 3 footnote 3 Bilti Mugah that the Rebbe stated “Some are accustomed to give a Tikkun of Yash and Mezonos in the Shiva home. However, I have not seen this done in Beis Harav, and in its stead I will tell stories.”; See Shulchan Menachem 5:282 footnote 5

[19] See Keser Shem Tov ibid

[20] See Nitei Gavriel 92:8; Pnei Baruch 10:12

[21] Bach 403 in name of Rokeiach; Shivlei Haleket 23; Mavor Yabok 35

[22] Shivlei Haleket ibid

[23] Shivlei Haleket ibid

[24] Shivlei Haleket ibid “In all these matters there is no need to be careful” a different Nussach reads “In all these matters it is proper not to be particular, as the verse states Tamim Tihyeh Im Havaya Elokecha.”

[25] Poskim in Nitei Gavriel 113:11

[26] Maharam Shick Y.D. 363