Kvaterin by Bris and Shushvinin by wedding:
There exists a widespread custom in many Jewish communities that a pregnant woman should not serve in certain honorary roles at a Bris Milah or wedding. Most notably, this custom relates to a pregnant woman serving as the Kvaterin at a Bris, or as part of the Shushvinin (Unterfirers) who escort the Chasan and Kallah at a wedding. While the custom has been recorded by numerous Poskim and communities, its observance is not universal, and various limitations and exceptions have been suggested. Furthermore, the Rebbe addressed the practical application of this custom, especially when its observance may cause pain or embarrassment to the parents of the Chasan or Kallah.
- A Pregnant Woman Serving as Kvaterin at a Bris[1]
It is customary in many communities[2] for a pregnant woman not to be a Kvaterin by a Bris Mila.[3] However, some Poskim[4] rule that this only applies if her pregnancy is recognizable.
- A Pregnant Woman Serving as Shushvinin (Unterfirerin) at a Wedding:[5]
It is customary in many communities for a pregnant woman not to be the escort of the bride or groom, known as the Unterefririn, by a wedding. This is due to the same reasons as for why a pregnant woman should not be the Kevatrin by a Bris. Some, however, disregard this custom.[6]
The Chabad Approach: There is no clear Chabad custom in this matter, and hence the Rebbe’s final directive in this matter is as follows:[7] If the mother of the groom or bride is pregnant, then another couple is to join them [the father and pregnant mother of the groom or bride] in escorting the groom or bride and in encircling the bride, and in G-d’s eyes it is known who is the true escort. However, to instruct them not to escort the bride or groom because she is pregnant would be a great source of pain for the parents, and hence she should do as above.
Two-Sentence Summary
Many Jewish communities have a custom that a pregnant woman should not serve as a Kvaterin at a Bris Milah or as a Shushvinin (Unterfirerin) at a wedding. Nevertheless, the Rebbe instructed that when the mother of the Chasan or Kallah is pregnant, she should not be excluded from escorting her child, and instead another couple should join the parents so that both the custom and the parents’ honor are preserved.
Quick Reference Table
| Situation | Customary Practice |
| Pregnant woman serving as Kvaterin | Many communities avoid it |
| Pregnancy not yet recognizable | Some Poskim are lenient |
| Pregnant woman serving as Unterfirerin | Many communities avoid it |
| Communities not particular in the custom | Permitted |
| Pregnant mother of Chasan or Kallah | Parents participate and an additional couple joins |
| Concern for parental embarrassment | Do not exclude the parent |
Practical Examples
Example 1
A woman who is visibly pregnant is asked to serve as Kvaterin at a Bris. In many communities another woman would be chosen instead.
Example 2
A woman in the early stages of pregnancy, which is not yet recognizable, is asked to be Kvaterin. Some Poskim would permit her to serve.
Example 3
The mother of the Kallah is pregnant. Following the Rebbe’s directive, she still escorts her daughter, while another couple joins the procession.
Example 4
A pregnant woman is asked to be an Unterfirerin at a wedding in a community that is not particular about this custom. She may participate according to that community’s practice.
Example 5
A family fears that excluding the pregnant mother of the Chasan will cause her significant pain. The preferred approach is not to exclude her, but rather to add another escorting couple.
[1] See Bris Avos 5:26 in name of Likkutei Sefer; Toras Alef 3:34; Zocher Habris 11:13; Michtav Oz of Minchas Elazar; Likkutei Sichos 22:56-58 [custom of many places], printed in Shaareiy Halacha Uminhag 2:34 and Shulchan Menachem 5:111; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 152:1; Beir Moshe See Shevach Habris 1:17 p. 28 and footnote 29; Nitei Gavriel 56:8
[2] Likkutei Sichos ibid that it requires further research as to whether this is the custom in all places
[3] The reason: Several reasons are recorded behind this custom, including: 1) It is a [mystical] danger for her fetus due to the evil eye; 2) She won’t pay proper attention to the infant she is holding. [Bris Avos 5:26; Toras Alef 3:34] Alternatively, the reason is because we only desire that two people escort the child and not three, and a woman who is pregnant is considered as if she is two people. [Likkutei Sichos ibid]
[4] Minchas Elazar on Sefer Zocher Habris; Sefer Shemiras Haguf Vihanefesh [Lerner] 152:2
[5] Likkutei Sichos 22:56 [is a custom of Israel], printed in Shulchan Menachem 5:137 footnote 30; 6:206; Minchas Elazar Michtav Oz; Os Shalom Mila Hosafos 265:22; Shaarei Shamayim 48; Beir Moshe 3:184; Nitei Gavriel 56:9
[6] Shulchan Haezer 2:31; Toras Alef 3:34; Nitei Gavriel 56:9 footnote 11 and 12 that in today’s times one may be lenient in this matter.
[7] Likkutei Sichos ibid footnote 30