✍️ Who Receives the Shadchanus Gelt if One Person Suggested the Match and Another Arranged the Shidduch?

Question:

I suggested a girl to a boy whom my family knows. The suggestion was then passed on to a shadchan, who handled the communication between the sides, arranged the dates, and brought the shidduch to completion. The couple became engaged. Who receives the shadchanus gelt—the person who originated the suggestion which is me, or the shadchan who arranged the meetings and finalized the shidduch?

 

Answer:

If one person originally suggested the match (the Matchil) and another shadchan subsequently handled the communication between the sides, arranged the dates, and brought the shidduch to engagement (the Gomer), then the accepted custom is that the shadchanus fee is split between them. A common division cited by the Poskim is:

• One-third (33%) to the person who initiated the idea and suggested the match.
• Two-thirds (66%) to the shadchan who invested the time and effort to develop the shidduch and bring it to completion.

Importantly, the families do not pay additional shadchanus because two people were involved. Rather, the same amount that would ordinarily be paid to a single shadchan is divided between the Matchil and the Gomer according to their respective roles.

 

Example:

Reuven suggested the shidduch, but Levi the shadchan arranged the dates and brought it to engagement. If the total shadchanus is $1,800 per side ($3,600 total), the families still pay only $3,600, not a penny more. The payment is then divided:

• Reuven (the Matchil) — 1/3 = $1,200
• Levi (the Gomer) — 2/3 = $2,400

 

Explanation:

The entire concept of Shadchanus Gelt is a fascinating one. Traditionally, many individuals who involved themselves in making shidduchim did so completely free of charge and solely Leshem Shamayim. Indeed, this remained the longstanding custom amongst many Sephardic communities. It is perhaps for this reason that we do not find an explicit discussion of Shadchanus Gelt in the Shulchan Aruch of the Mechaber, and the laws are mentioned primarily by the Rema based on early Ashkenazic authorities.

 

Nonetheless, the Poskim explain that a shadchan is entitled to compensation for his services. The halachic basis for this is generally built upon two foundations. One is the law of a Sarsur (broker or intermediary), who is entitled to payment for successfully arranging a transaction. The second is the concept of Yored Lesdei Chaveiro, where one benefits another through his efforts and is entitled to compensation for the benefit he created. These became the primary foundations upon which the obligation to pay Shadchanus Gelt rests.

 

At the same time, the subject is far from simple. Many monetary disputes arise regarding Shadchanus Gelt. One of the most common questions is where two shadchanim were involved—one who originally suggested the match, and another who actually handled the process and brought the shidduch to fruition.

 

So, in Halacha, if one person originally suggested the match and another person subsequently handled the actual shidduch process—making the calls, arranging the meetings, negotiating details, and bringing the parties to engagement—then the first person is generally considered the Matchil, while the second person is considered the Gomer.

 

The later Poskim, including the Noda Beyehuda and Pischeiy Teshuvah discuss at length the laws of the “Matchil” (the initiator),“Emtzai” (the intermediary), and “Gomer” (the one who brings the shidduch to completion) and as to how the shadchanus payment should be divided between them. Practically, several opinions are recorded.

 

The Opinions in the Poskim:

1. Matchil gets nothing: The Noda BiYehuda holds that the primary monetary claim belongs to the Gomer—the one who actually brought the shidduch to fruition. While it is certainly proper to compensate the initiator, he does not necessarily possess an independent monetary claim.
2. Dividing the fee equally between the Matchil and Gomer: A second opinion, cited by the Atteres Tzvi, is that the Matchil and Gomer divide the shadchanus equally.
3. Giving one-third to the Matchil, one-third: A third opinion, also brought in the Poskim, is to divide the payment into thirds, giving one-third to the Matchil, one-third to the Emtza’i (if one exists), and one-third to the Gomer. In a case where there are only two participants—the Matchil and the Gomer—the practical outcome is that the Matchil receives one-third and the Gomer receives two-thirds.

 

Practically, although all three approaches are discussed, many contemporary rabbanim have adopted the latter custom, granting one-third to the Matchil and two-thirds to the Gomer, recognizing both the importance of originating the idea and the substantial effort invested in bringing the shidduch to its successful conclusion.

 

What If the Entire Idea Came From Me?

Even if the shadchan would never have known of the possibility were it not for your suggestion, then your role as the Matchil is only creates a monetary claim to the 1/3^rd of the shadchanus Gelt. The shadchan who invested substantial effort in developing and completing the shidduch, acquires a claim as the Gomer.

 

Sources:

Rav M.M. Shperin in Koveitz Hayashar Vehatov 5:19; Pischei Choshen Sechirus 14:8; Mishpitei Hatorah 2:32

The concept of a Sarsur/Broker in Halacha: Michaber C.M. 185:6; Bava Basra 87a; Bava Metzia 101a-b

The concept of Shadchan Gelt in Halacha and that it follow the laws of a broker (“Sarsur”): Rama C.M. 87:39; 185:10; 264:7; E.H. 50:7; Terumas Hadeshen 85; Chelkas Mechokeik E.H. 50:23; Smeh 185:26; 265:15; Taz 185:10; Chachmas Shlomo C.M. 264:7; Ketzos Hachoshen 264:3; Pischeiy Teshuvah C.M.  185:3; E.H. 50:16; Shulchan Haezer 2:17; Avnei Nezer C.M. 36; Halichos Yisrael [Grossman] 10; Nitei Gavriel Shidduchin 41:10; Birur Halacha C.M. 339;

The laws of the Matchil, Emtzai, and Gomer in shidduchim: Noda BiYehuda Tinyana 36 [no payment for Matchil];Ateres Tzevi 17 [Minhag is to pay Matchil and Gomer]; Pischei Teshuvah C.M. 185:3; Shev Yaakov 13 [Give Matchil 1/3];

Custom that the Matchil and Gomer divide the fee, or that it is split into thirds between Matchil, Emtzai, and Gomer: Pischei Teshuvah C.M.  185:3 in the name of Atteres Tzvi; Rav M.M. Shperin in Koveitz Hayashar Vehatov 5:19