- Even the parents’ private behavior affects the child:[1]
In Torah thought, the bond between parents and children extends far beyond biology or conscious interaction. Chazal and Chassidus teach that family members are connected not only physically, but spiritually, at the level of the soul. As a result, a parent’s actions influence a child even when nothing is said and nothing is seen. The Rebbe explained that increases in a parent’s Yiras Shamayim and mitzvah observance can subliminally impact the child’s soul, drawing the child toward greater spiritual sensitivity and better choices. In the Rebbe’s words, “Being that all family members are connected to each other not just physically but also spiritually it is therefore understood that the adding of fear of heaven by each family member contributes greater fear of heaven to other family members. This especially applies between parents and their children, that the more the parents add in fear of heaven so too will the results be greater in their child” Conversely, a parent’s spiritual lapses or inner turmoil can likewise affect a child, not through words or example, but through this deep, unseen connection. This understanding places great responsibility on parents—not only regarding what they model publicly, but also how they conduct themselves privately. Torah chinuch operates not only through teaching and role modeling, but through the refinement of the parent’s own inner world. When parents strengthen themselves quietly and authentically, that growth reaches their children in ways that are immeasurable, yet very real.
[1] See Igros Kodesh 23:376; Likkutei Sichos Vol. 3 Parshas Mikeitz for a similar idea regarding a Jews effect on the world.