- A Chassidishe Home – Hanahagos of Chinuch:[1]
The Rebbe[2] teaches that the warmth, vitality, and heartfelt enthusiasm of Chassidus should be instilled in a child from the very beginning of life, even from infancy. A child should grow up feeling that he lives in a Chassidic home permeated with spiritual energy and devotion. The Rebbe emphasizes that this depends not only on the father, but to a great extent on the mother, who shapes the atmosphere of the home and determines whether the child experiences that unique Chassidic warmth.
- Creating a Home Guided by Holiness Rather Than the Spirit of the Times[3]
A fundamental principle of Jewish education is that the home must be visibly and unmistakably guided by Torah, holiness, and authentic Jewish values rather than by the prevailing trends and attitudes of society. The task of parents is not merely to ensure that their home differs from that of a non-Jewish environment, but to establish a standard of holiness that rises even above that of many Torah-observant homes in which worldly values occupy a prominent place. In a truly Torah-centered home, every aspect of family life is measured by the standards of Torah and not by the changing spirit of the times. This approach should be so evident that children clearly recognize that their parents live by different values than those around them. They should see that their mother conducts herself with exceptional modesty even when others do not, and that their father conducts his business honestly and faithfully even when dishonesty or questionable practices are common. When children grow up observing that Torah, integrity, and holiness consistently guide their parents’ decisions, they internalize these values and develop a strong Jewish identity founded upon principle rather than upon social pressure or popular opinion.
- Creating an Atmosphere of Torah in the Home[4]
Some parents assume that once they have enrolled their child in a religious school, and certainly if they have sent him to a Talmud Torah where only Torah subjects are taught, they have fulfilled their educational responsibilities. Parents must realize, however, that although a Torah institution is of tremendous importance, the child’s education can be preserved and internalized only when the home itself is permeated with an atmosphere of Torah. Even if the child comes home only to eat and sleep, he should nevertheless feel that his home is a Torah home.
A Torah atmosphere is created not merely through formal study, but through the daily conduct and conversation of the parents. When a father, even if engaged in business, naturally incorporates verses from the Torah or teachings of Chazal into ordinary conversation, the child learns that Torah guides every aspect of life. When Torah books are visible throughout the home, the child absorbs the message that Torah is treasured and central. Likewise, when a mother regularly speaks about Torah concepts, relates ideas from works such as Tze’enah U’Re’enah, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, and other Jewish sources, she helps create an environment in which Torah and Yiddishkeit are not confined to the classroom but are the natural language and atmosphere of the home. In this way, the home itself becomes a powerful partner in the child’s education and spiritual development.
Learning Torah at home in vicinity of one’s children:[5] Hearing words of Torah has a great impact on the soul of a child from the moment he is born. After the mother of Rebbe Yehoshua ben Chananya gave birth to him, she permanently placed his crib in the hall of study so that he would hear only words of Torah; and for this reason she merited a particularly holy child who became a great Torah scholar. Accordingly, beyond the great educational benefit of teaching Torah directly to one’s children, there is an additional—often overlooked—benefit when children see their parents, and especially their father, learning Torah in the home. This elevates the atmosphere of the entire household and teaches the children, not merely by words but by example, that Torah is the highest value and must be lived and practiced.
Enthusiasm for Torah:[6] The home should convey that Torah is not merely an intellectual pursuit but the wisdom of Hashem. Whether studying a profound Talmudic discussion, a simple verse with Rashi, or even teaching a child the Alef-Beis, there should be visible excitement, reverence, and appreciation for the privilege of learning Hashem’s Torah. A child should sense that Torah learning is something precious and alive.
Raising Children Who Love Torah: In addition to studying Torah together with one’s children, a powerful way to instill within them a genuine love for Torah is by actively involving them in the learning process. One effective method is to have the children choose a sefer that they bring to their father to learn together at home. In our family, we have a personal custom in which the children each select a different sefer, open it to a random page, and explore the passage that appears. If what they open turns out to be a true “gem” — a meaningful insight, teaching, or depth of Torah knowledge — they receive a reward. Beyond the many lessons in hashgachah pratis that I myself have gained through this practice, it has the added benefit of teaching the children that Torah is alive and personal. It deeply engages them in Torah study and cultivates within them a lasting joy and love for learning.
- Respect for Prayer and Avodas Hashem[7]
A child should also grow up with an appreciation for sincere prayer and service of Hashem. If the father remains in shul long after the minyan has concluded because he is still engaged in prayer, the family should understand and value this. In this way, children learn that prayer is not a routine obligation to be completed quickly, but a meaningful encounter with Hashem that deserves time, concentration, and devotion.
- Generosity and Kindness Beyond Obligation[8]
Children should grow up seeing exceptional generosity in the home. The Rebbe describes a home in which tzedakah and acts of kindness are performed abundantly and eagerly. When a person is in need, one should not wait until he comes asking for help, but should proactively assist him. Through observing such conduct, children learn that helping others is a natural and cherished part of Jewish life.
- Making your child’s room into a Mikdash Me’at:[9]
Even today, every Jew is obligated to make for himself a dwelling place for G-d within his home. This obligation is relevant even for children, and even for a newborn baby. It can be accomplished by placing inside the babies room a book of Chumash, a Siddur, a Hagadah of Pesach, a Sefer Tehillim, and a charity box. These books should be personally purchased on behalf of the child and be considered as his. To sanctify the room, one should try to study some amount daily from the child’s Chumash, and to pray or say blessing from the child’s Siddur, and to give charity in his charity box.
- Filling a Child’s Room With Sifrei Kodesh[10]
The Rebbe emphasized the importance of having Sifrei Kodesh in a child’s room. The very presence of holy books leaves a powerful impression on a child and helps create an atmosphere of Torah and holiness. However, the intention is not merely to place a single sefer in the room in order to fulfill an obligation, nor only to have a siddur that the child uses for prayer. Rather, the room should be filled with seforim, reflecting the ideal of a Jewish home that is centered around Torah. Just as it has often been stressed regarding adults that a home should be “full of books,” demonstrating that Torah is the central focus of the household, so too a child’s room should visibly convey that Torah occupies a primary place in his life. Everything in the room should support a Torah way of life and be used in accordance with Torah values. The Rebbe therefore recommended that every child’s room contain at least three basic seforim: a Chumash, a Siddur, and a Haggadah. It is also highly desirable to add a Sefer Tehillim, whether as a separate volume or as part of a siddur in which Tehillim has its own distinct section, thereby emphasizing its status as an independent sefer among the holy writings.
- Letter in Sefer Torah:[11]
One is to purchase a letter in the Torah scroll that is written specifically on behalf of children on behalf of each of his children.[12] It can be purchased from the moment the child is born. The price of each letter is one dollar. The child is to be sent a certificate of his purchase by the committee. The certificate should contain the name of the child as well as the weekly portion that his letter was purchased in.
- Kissing the Mezuzah before sleep:[13]
Prior to retiring to one’s bed for the night one is to touch [and kiss] the Mezuzah.[14] Thus, it is customary in all Jewish homes for children to kiss the Mezuzah of their room prior to going to sleep. This internalizes the idea that Hashem watches and guards over them. [Doing so enters Kedusha into the child from a young age and assists him in his service of G-d in the future.[15]]
- Modeh Ani-Saying Modeh Ani with even an infant:[16]
It is the custom of righteous women to recite Modeh Ani on behalf of, and together with, their baby even prior to him learning how to speak.[17] Even those who don’t do so, are nonetheless accustomed to teach the child to say Modeh Ani starting from when the child learns how to speak.[18] Certainly, from age 3 and onwards every parent is to make sure that their child says Modeh Ani upon awakening.[19]
- Neigal Vaaser in the morning:
From the time of a child’s circumcision, one who is careful to wash the child’s hands is performing an act of holiness. Practically, the Poskim rule that a child’s hands should be washed in the morning—even from a very young age, including a nursing baby. This practice is considered a good segulah for children to grow with purity and holiness. The Rebbe Rashab emphasized beginning this care once the child is no longer in diapers, while the Rebbe stated that, at the very least, one should be careful with hand‑washing from age three. See Chapter 7 Halacha 5.
- Hiskashrus to Tzadikim and the Rebbe
A fundamental aspect of chinuch is to educate children to develop a connection (hiskashrus) to tzaddikim, and in particular to the Rebbe. From a young age, children should be raised not only with faith (emunah) in the Rebbe, but also with a deep love and emotional attachment. It is customary among Chassidim to instill this connection in practical ways, such as encouraging children to show affection and reverence—for example, lifting a child at night to give a “kiss” toward the Rebbe’s picture, and similar acts. Through these consistent expressions, the bond becomes internalized within the child, so that as he grows older, this connection matures into a lasting and meaningful part of his Avodas Hashem.
- The birthday of a child:
It is customary amongst many people to celebrate their birthday. It is a happy day in which people yearn and desire to be cherished and allow themselves extravagances and luxuries that they would usually not partake in. In the secular world, many use the day for partying and sometimes partaking in lustful or sinful behaviors. The question with regards to a Jew is whether such behavior is encouraged or discouraged by the Torah. The Rebbe, seeing a birthday celebration as a great opportunity to bring change to the person and his service of G-d, dedicated a great deal of talks and writing to the subject of birthday celebration, and encouraged every person to celebrate their birthday in a way that will bring them closer to Hashem.
How To Celebrate The birthday of a child:[20]
The parents are to celebrate the birthday of their children.[21] This applies to children of all ages, beginning with a child’s first birthday. The parent is to utilize the day to give thanks to Hashem for the gift of having the child and make appropriate resolutions for the proper education of the child. When the child is too young to perform the birthday customs himself, they are to be performed by the parents, such as increasing in learning Torah and giving charity.
Should a father get an Aliyah for a child’s birthday?[22]
There is certainly no prohibition in having a father purchase an Aliyah the Shabbos prior to his child’s birthday or the birthday of his wife, and have it dedicated in their merit. However, we also do not find any record of such a Jewish custom having existed. Likewise, such a directive was never included by the Rebbe in his public directives which he asked to be followed on a birthday. Nonetheless, there are some individuals who are particular to try to get an Aliyah on behalf of such an occasion, based on a talk of the Rebbe[23] in which he stated that parents should follow the birthday directives on behalf of their children who cannot do so on their own. Now, while the Rebbe did mention an increase of learning Torah and giving charity, no mention was made of getting in an Aliyah.[24] Accordingly, some completely negate this new custom.[25] Whatever the case, as stated initially, there is no issue with doing so, however it should not be turned into an obligation in which people can demand from the Gabaiy to give them an Aliyah on this behalf. Certainly, such an individual does not push off any Chiyuv, including an adult who has a birthday that week or on that day, in which case there exists a public directive from the Rebbe for him to get an Aliyah. The following therefore is the suggestive approach: If somebody would like to get an Aliyah on behalf of his child or wife, then he should purchase it, or ask the Gabaiy if he can receive an Aliyah even though he is not a Chiyuv and does not have a birthday. It has happened in the past, that such people have simply told the Gabbaiy that they need an Aliyah for a birthday, and the Gabaiy ended up differing people who had a real birthday of their own, or even a real Chiyuv, due to them not explaining the reason for their request.
The Rebbe’s Twelve Birthday Customs
| # | Custom | Details |
| 1 | Memorize Chassidus | Learn a maamar or section of Chassidus by heart and recite it publicly on the birthday or a related occasion. |
| 2 | Receive an Aliyah | Men above Bar Mitzvah receive an aliyah on the Shabbos before the birthday. If the birthday falls on a Torah-reading day, an additional aliyah is received on the birthday itself. |
| 3 | Give Tzedakah | Give charity before Shacharis and Mincha. If the birthday falls on Shabbos or Yom Tov, give beforehand and preferably also afterward. |
| 4 | Daven with Extra Kavanah | Invest additional concentration and effort in prayer and contemplation of Hashem’s greatness. |
| 5 | Recite Tehillim | Increase Tehillim recitation and read at least one sefer of Tehillim. Begin saying the new chapter corresponding to the new age. |
| 6 | Add Torah Learning | Learn additional Nigleh and Chassidus beyond one’s regular daily study schedule. |
| 7 | Personal Reflection | Spend time alone reviewing the previous year, correcting shortcomings, and planning spiritual growth. |
| 8 | Recall a Yechidus | Picture a past yechidus with the Rebbe, review the Rebbe’s guidance, and study related teachings. |
| 9 | Accept New Resolutions | Undertake a new hiddur or practical spiritual commitment for the coming year. |
| 10 | Practice Ahavas Yisrael | Reach out to fellow Jews, teach Torah and Chassidus, and perform acts of kindness. |
| 11 | Hold a Farbrengen or Seudah | Celebrate with family and friends in a Simcha Shel Mitzvah while sharing Torah and accepting resolutions. |
| 12 | Recite Shehechiyanu | Try to eat a new seasonal fruit and recite the blessing of Shehechiyanu. |
| Situation | Custom |
| Regular birthday | Give before Shacharis and Mincha |
| Birthday on Shabbos | Give on Erev Shabbos and preferably the following day |
| Birthday on Yom Tov | Give on Erev Yom Tov and preferably afterward |
| Suggested amount | Multiples of 18, or the person’s new age plus one (e.g., turning 34, give 35) |
| Age Reached | Chapter to Begin Saying |
| 13 | Chapter 14 |
| 20 | Chapter 21 |
| 34 | Chapter 35 |
| 40 | Chapter 41 |
| 60 | Chapter 61 |
[1] See Shaareiy Chinuch pp. 125-135
[2] Hisvadyus 5742 3:1705
[3] Likkutei Sichos 3:792; Shaareiy Chinuch p. 126
[4] Sichos Kodesh 5714; Shaareiy Chinuch p. 127
[5] See and Rav Ovadia Bartenura on Avos 2:8; Yerushalmi Yevamos 1:6; Pela Yoeitz Erech Yonkei Shadayim; Shevach Habris 3:8
[6] Hisvadyus 5742 3:1705
[7] Hisvadyus 5742 3:1705
[8] Hisvadyus 5742 3:1705
[9] See Likkutei Sichos Vol. 36 Sicha 1; 14:279; Sefer Hasichos 5747 1:327; 2:647; Likkutei Sichos 26:420; Shevach Habris 3:9; Shaareiy Chinuch p. 151 and 154
[10] Hisvadyus 5747 2:647; Shaareiy Chinuch p. 151
[11] See Sichos 11th-13th Nissan 5741; Likkutei Sichos Nitzavim Vol. 24 Sicha 2; Likkutei Sichos 23:17 Shavuos 1; Sichos Kodesh 5728 1:382, printed in Shulchan Menachem 1:22; 6:191; Michaber Y.D. 270:2; Rambam Sefer Torah 6:1; Rava Sanhedrin 21b; See Nitei Gavriel Sefer Torah chapters 1-6Shevach Habris 3:10
[12] https://www.kidstorah.org/
[13] Toras Menachem 5747 2:647; Sefer Hasichos 1992 p. 89; Likkutei Dibburim Likkut 32 Vol. 4 p. 784 “When I was three years old twice a day, in the morning upon awakening and at night upon going to sleep, my mother would lift me up to kiss the Mezuzah.”; Shevach Habris 3:7
[14] Kitzur SHU”A 71:4 “Prior to going to bed one is to walk to the Mezuzah and place his hands on it and say “Hashem Shomri…”
[15] See Likkutei Dibburim Likkut 32 for a fascinating story on this matter!
[16] Toras Menachem 5742 2:816; 5749 2:37; Shevach Habris 3:35
[17] Toras Menachem 5749 2:37
[18] Toras Menachem 5742 2:816 that so is the custom today of all Israel
[19] Toras Menachem 5742 2:816; See Igros Kodesh Rayatz 2:438; Brought in Hayom Yom 4th Iyar; Sefer Haminhagim p. 87; Igros Kodesh 5:21
[20] Hisvadyus 1982 4/2190
[21] Hisvadyus 1988 vol. 3 p. 153 footnote 25
[22] See Hiskashrus 957 p. 14; Al Minhagim Umikoroseihem [Bloy] p. 87
[23] Hisvadyus 1982 4/2190
[24] However, in a private directive to Rabbi Shmuel Lew, the Rebbe is quoted to have told him to receive an Aliyah prior to the birthday of his daughter. [See Hiskashrus ibid]
[25] See Al Minhagim Umikoroseihem ibid