Question
I was recently a guest at someone’s home for the Shabbos meal. There were only two adult men present, me and the host, together with the host’s son who was not yet Bar Mitzvah, being only ten years of age. The host proceeded to make a Zimun and told me that a child can join for a Zimun even before Bar Mitzvah. I objected, as I had always been taught that a minor cannot be counted. Now I am confused. Was the Zimun valid? Did I do something wrong by participating?
Answer
Your confusion is understandable because this is actually the subject of a major dispute among the Rishonim and Poskim. According to the accepted Ashkenazi custom, a child under Bar Mitzvah does not join a Zimun, even if he is intelligent and understands to Whom blessings are directed. Thus, according to Ashkenazi practice, two adult men and a ten-year-old child do not form a Zimun. According to the accepted Sephardic ruling, however, a child who has reached the age of Peutos and understands to Whom blessings are directed, approximately nine years old and up, may be counted as the third participant for a Zimun. Therefore, if the host was Sephardic and relied on the Sephardic ruling, he had authorities upon whom to rely.
Explanation
The Talmudic Dispute: The Gemara discusses whether a child who understands to Whom blessings are directed may be included in a Zimun. This question became the subject of a major dispute among the Rishonim. Some Rishonim, including the Rambam, Rif, Rashba, Rabbeinu Yonah, and others, rule that an older child who understands the concept of blessing Hashem may join a Zimun. Other Rishonim, including Tosafos, the Rosh, Maharam MiRottenberg, and others, maintain that a minor cannot join a Zimun at all until reaching Bar Mitzvah.
The Difference Between Ashkenazim and Sephardim: This dispute continues into the Shulchan Aruch. The Michaber rules in accordance with the lenient position that an older child who understands to Whom blessings are directed may join a Zimun. The Rama disagrees and rules that a minor does not join a Zimun. The Alter Rebbe records both opinions and concludes: “The custom is not to include anyone under thirteen years and one day.” Thus, among Ashkenazim and Chabad Chassidim, the accepted custom is not to count a child under Bar Mitzvah for a Zimun.
What Age Is Being Discussed? Even according to the lenient opinion, not every child qualifies. The child must have reached the age of Peutos and understand to Whom blessings are directed. The Poskim explain that this generally means approximately ages six to ten, depending on the child’s maturity and understanding, with many Sephardic authorities practically using around age nine and up.
Can Two Children Join? No. Even according to the lenient opinion, only one child may supplement a Zimun. Thus:
- Two adults and one qualified child: permitted according to the Sephardic ruling.
- One adult and two children: not permitted.
Can Three Children Make Their Own Zimun? No. A group consisting entirely of children may not form a Zimun at all, even for educational purposes (chinuch), and even according to Sephardic custom.
So What Happened In Your Case? If the homeowner was Ashkenazi or Chabad, then according to accepted Ashkenazi practice, a ten-year-old child should not have been counted and there should have been no Zimun. If the homeowner was Sephardic and his son understood to Whom blessings are directed, then he was following the ruling of the Mechaber and many Sephardic Poskim, and the Zimun was valid according to his custom. Therefore, it is quite possible that neither of you was wrong. Rather, each of you was following a different halachic tradition.
Sources
Admur 199:9 “There are those who say that a minor who knows to whom blessings are directed may be included in a Zimun, provided that he has reached the age of pe’utos (young maturity), which is approximately nine or ten years old, each according to his sharpness. At minimum, even from six years old, if he is sharp and understands on his own—to whom blessings are directed—without being taught. However, below the age of six, even if he is sharp and understands on his own, he is considered nothing, as he has not yet reached the age of pe’utos, and is considered like one without halachic understanding. A minor who has reached the age of pe’utos may join even for a Zimun of ten with Hashem’s name, even according to opinions that he does not join for Kaddish, Barchu, or Kedusha, since in Birchas Hamazon they were more lenient, as each individual could exempt himself by blessing alone. However, two minors do not combine. There are others who say that whether for three or for ten, a minor does not combine until he reaches thirteen full years. At that point, even if he is not fully mature physically, he may be included, provided he understands to whom blessings are said. Some are strict and say that even at age thirteen, if it is known he has not developed signs of maturity, he may not be included. However, in general practice, since Zimun is rabbinic, we rely on presumption that he has matured at thirteen, and the custom is not to include anyone under thirteen and one day. All this applies only to Zimun, but to fulfill others’ obligation in Birchas Hamazon, everyone agrees a minor cannot do so until he is fully thirteen with verified signs of maturity, since Birchas Hamazon is Biblical, and we do not rely on presumptions in Biblical matters.” Rav Nachman Brachos 48a; Chinuch Habanaim Kihilchaso 27:22-23
The dispute whether a child may join a Zimun: Can join: Rambam Brachos 5:7; Rif, Rashba, Rabbeinu Yona, Meirir on Brachos ibid; Rav Haiy Gaon; Rivash 451; Rav Nachman in Brachos ibid Cannot join: Rosh Brachos 7:20; Tosafus Brachos ibid in name of Riy; Hagahos Maimanis Brachos 5 Os Vav in name of Riy and Ravayah Brachis 128; Maharam Merothenberg 515; Tashbeitz 309; Hamanhig 75; Maharik 49; Yerushalmi Brachos 7:2
The ruling of the Michaber allowing an older child to join: Michaber O.C. 199:10
The ruling of the Rama that a child does not join: Rama O.C. 199:10
The ruling of Admur and the accepted Ashkenazi custom not to count anyone under Bar Mitzvah: Admur 199:9; 39:1; 271:7
The accepted Sephardic custom to count a child who has reached the age of Peutos and understands to Whom blessings are directed: Michaber 199:10; Ben Ish Chai, Korach 1:11; Kaf Hachaim 199:34
The rule that only one child may be counted and not two: Admur 199:9; Michaber 199:10
The rule that children alone may not make a Zimun: Implication of Admur 199:6; Mamar Mordechai 199:4; Mishnah Berurah 199:13; Chinuch Habanim Kehilchaso 28:24