- Age Three:
See our corresponding Sefer “Lifecycles in Halacha Vol. 3: The Upsherinish and Hachansas Lecheder” for the full details of this subject!
The age of three years old is associated with Chinuch of a child, being that at three years of age, the child has reached a certain level of mental maturity that allows for his education to begin. Thus, we find that Avraham Avinu recognized Hashem at three years of age.[1] Likewise, the Midrash[2] states that from age three the father begins to educate his child in Torah. In Halacha[3] we find that a father a Biblically obligated to teach his young child Torah, as the verse states “Velimaditem Es Bneichem Lidaber Bam”, and when does this obligation begin, from when the child begins to talk. At that point, the father is to teach him the verse of Torah Tziva and the first verse of Shema Yisrael.
The G-dly soul begins to enter at the age of education and then begins the Kelipos: The Alter Rebbe states in Shulchan Aruch:[4] The G-dly soul only completely and mainly enters a person when he reaches the age of Bar or Bas Mitzvah, and it is for this reason that when they reach this age they become Biblically obligated to keep the commands, and are punished for transgression. Now, the beginning of the entrance of the G-dly soul into a child’s body is from the age that the Sages obligated the child to be educated in Torah and Mitzvos. Thus, once the child has reached the age of Chinuch, one must be careful to educate them to wash hands after awakening in the morning. However, before the age of Chinuch, since the G-dly soul has not even begun to enter their body, this impurity does not desire to seek nurture from their bodies upon them sleeping.
Upsherinish: An Upsherinish is the first haircut given to a boy and represents the child’s education in Torah and Mitzvos, as the haircut leaves the son with visible Peyos, which is the traditional appearance of a Jew.[5] This ceremony is alternatively called by the term “Chinuch Mitzvah.[6]” This haircut is given upon him reaching three years of age. The age-old Jewish custom is to have the boy grow out his hair until age three, and to be particular not to give him a haircut prior to this age.
The reason we cut the hair at age three: Based on all the above, we can offer a possible explanation for why we cut the hair at age three: Since at age three the child reaches an age of mental maturity which formally allows the start of his education, therefore, the G-dly soul begins entering the body of the child at age three. Once the G-dly soul begins to reside in the body, the Kelipos are now able to nurture from it. For this reason, we cut the child’s hair and cease the nurturing of Kelipos which is represented by the hair. We likewise cut the hair to banish future foreign lusts from the child already at a young age.
The significance of age three – A teaching from Likkutei Torah Parshas Kedoshim:
The age of three holds much significance in Jewish thought and literature. For example, it states that Avraham recognized his creator at age three. Likewise, a girl is not considered fit for intimacy and hence cannot be consecrated through intimacy until age three. The reason for this is because prior to age 3 a girl is not considered fit for unity. The mystical reason behind all this is as follows: The first three years of a person’s life correspond to the three completely unclean Kelipos, [during which one is not capable of truly giving up of himself for another, whether it be G-d or another person in marriage].
- The divine lesson: Any parent knows how frustrating it is to deal with a two-year-olds temper tantrum. Toddlers tend to be overly selfish, as is expressed in their over possessiveness of items that may not necessarily even be theirs, and their inability to share with others. It is literally often, “their way or the highway [i.e. mom driving away to escape the screams].” As much as we try to educate them to be kind and share it often falls on deaf ears. The above teaching sheds some light onto this behavior and can help parents manage dealing with their child during this stage of selfishness and self-centeredness. Prior to age 3, the divine energy that shines onto the child’s animal soul to enliven it comes from a level of Kelipa which is the epitome of ego and self-centeredness, and does not contain any space for another person to be invited inside. Therefore, the only thing that exists to the child prior to age three is what they want and desire. The wants and desires of other people is completely irrelevant to them. For this exact reason, they cannot marry. After reaching age 3, their level of nurture from Kelipa changes and they now begin to nurture from a level of evil that contains also good. Now is the main time to begin their education in acts of sharing and selflessness. How interesting is it that countless studies have found that by age 3 children begin to show genuine compassion and empathy.[7] We now have learned the reason behind it.
[1] Tanchuma Vayeira 22:3
[2] Pesikta Zutrasi; Tanchuma Tetzaveh
[3] Admur in Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:1; Michaber 245:5; Rambam Talmud Torah 1:6; Sukkah 42a
[4] Basra 4:2
[5] Mishnas Chassidim Miseches Iyar Vesivan 1:7; Shaareiy Teshuvah O.C. 531:7 in name of Gan Hamelech; Shivim Temarim Kapos Temarim 14
[6] Shivim Temarim Kapos Temarim 14
[7] See https://choc.org/primary-care/ages-stages/3-years/ “How Does My 3-Year-Old Child Interact With Others? While every child is unique and will develop different personalities, the following are some of the common behavioral traits that may be present in your child: Begins to share and likes to play with other children. Can take turns. Temper tantrums are less frequent. Begins to show feelings in socially acceptable ways.”