Chinuch for Chumras & Minhagim:[1]
Although we find debate regarding the obligation of Chinuch for performing a Mitzvah with Hiddur, there is no formal obligation to educate a child in matters which are not Mitzvos but are entirely either a chumrah or Minhag. Nevertheless, the widespread custom among God‑fearing families is to do so. With regards to Chinuch in Minhagim, the Rebbe points out the importance of abiding to Jewish customs and how it is critical to raise children to cherish even minhagim and have Mesirus Nefesh even for a Minhag. Nonetheless, in doing so one must take into account the child’s maturity, disposition, and readiness for the Chumra. There is no single, uniform standard that applies in all cases.
- Example: Thus, for example, it may be inappropriate to accustom a child to immersing in a mikveh daily until he is close to the age of bar mitzvah, and indeed so is the common practice to delay until then. Likewise, one should not force a child to refrain from eating or drinking before kiddush until he reaches the age of bar mitzvah, as will be explained in the relevant chapter. At the same time, children are educated from a very young age to refrain from eating Gebrochts on Pesach, even though this matter is a mere Chumra and Hiddur.
🎓 Lesson in Chinuch:
In the above regard, parents and educators must exercise great care not to overburden the child with Chumros and Hiddurim. One must remember that the primary goal of education is not to “win the battle” by imposing this chumrah or that Hiddur and making sure he does so at times out of coercion, but to “win the war” in which the child himself desires to do so when he is older and of age by fostering a genuine love and enjoyment of Judaism. This is something that is often undermined when a child is forced to observe practices for which he is not yet ready. Accordingly, each case must be thoughtfully and responsibly considered and if necessary, one is to consult with a Rav for guidance.
The Importance of Chinuch in Minhagim – The Rebbe’s Sicha[2]
According to Chabad custom, the order of the Four Questions is: Dipping, Matzah, Maror, and Reclining.” One may wonder about the order of the Four Questions—both in terms of the importance of the topics and the sequence in which the child observes them. If arranged by halachic significance, the order should have been: Eating matzah, which is a Torah obligation. Maror, which today is rabbinic. Reclining, which expresses freedom. Dipping, which is merely a custom. And if arranged according to what the child actually sees, the question about dipping should have been last, because the main dipping is the second one, which happens later in the Seder. In any case, it should come after the question about reclining, since even before the first dipping we already drink the Kiddush cup while reclining. Why, then, is “Why do we dip twice?” the very first question?
This is to teach us that the first thing that captures a child’s attention on Seder night is not a Torah commandment like eating matzah, nor even a rabbinic obligation like maror, but specifically something that stems only from custom—the double dipping. From here we learn how essential it is to uphold Jewish customs. When a child is educated properly and taught that one must be devoted even to customs, we merit to say: “We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt, and Hashem our God took us out from there with a strong hand and an outstretched arm.”
[1] See Piskeiy Teshuvos 343:8; 468:13; See Toras Hakatan [Rubinovitch] Chapter 2:22-26 regarding also Minhagim and Mitzvos Reshus; Rav Yaakov Yosef a”h would often quote Achronim who rule that there is no obligation on a father to educate his child in Minhagim that are due to Chumros, including the eating of Kitniyos on Pesach; Likkutei Sichos 1:244; 16:138; Toras Menachem 16:198; Igros Kodesh 14:71; Shaareiy Chinuch p. 91
[2] Likkutei Sichos 1:244; 16:138; Toras Menachem 16:198; Igros Kodesh 14:71; Shaareiy Chinuch p. 91