From the Rav’s Desk: Teenage Boarder Education
Question
I have a teenage boarder living in my home who attends the local Frum high school and participates in activities such as listening to non-Jewish music and watching movies that their parents—and I personally—would not approve of and do not approve of for my own children. From a halachic perspective, do I have an obligation as the head of the household to address this behavior, given that she lives with us, eats with us, and is treated like a sibling to my children? Or is it not my responsibility since they are not my child?
Answer
Yes, there is a halachic obligation. As the leader of the household, you are responsible for ensuring that all members of your home—biological or not—follow the path of Torah and mitzvot. Therefore, you should approach this matter with the same seriousness as you would with your own children. Of course, the method and tone of addressing the issue depend on the relationship and the individual’s personality, so it requires sensitivity and nuance. Nonetheless, the responsibility to act is clear.
Sources:
See Admur 167:23 “And all this is regarding an adult who does not know how to bless. But to train children, one is obligated to bless on every blessing of enjoyment in order to educate them in the mitzvos. And even if there is no obligation of chinuch (education) upon him, such as one who is not from his household.”; Aruch Hashulchan C.M. 290:30 regarding an Aputrapis; Betzel Hachochma 5:3
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule there is no obligation upon the father to educate his nonbiological household members any more than any other Jew. [Rashi Pesachim 88a regarding a master of a slave; Mishneh Halachos 3:26]