⚖️ Mother – Is a mother obligated to educate or reprimand her children?[1]
See the Compilation at the end of this Halacha for a more thorough discussion on this topic!
A mother is not obligated at all to educate her child, whether her son or daughter, in neither positive or negative commands [when they are below the age of Mitzvos]. [Some Poskim[2] rule that this applies even if the father of the child is not able to educate him.] However, she does receive reward for encouraging her son to study Torah.[3] [Furthermore, although she is not formally obligated to do so, it is certainly a mitzvah for her to be involved in her child’s education.[4] Indeed, the quality and extent of a child’s education often derive more from the mother than from the father, since she is generally present with the child to a greater degree.[5] Consequently, the primary responsibility for education frequently rests upon her shoulders.[6] Moreover, education imparted by the mother is often more effective, as a woman’s manner of speech is typically gentler and more refined, which has a greater impact on the child—particularly in contemporary times, when harsh rebuke is less effective.[7] As for the absence of a formal obligation placed upon the mother, this is because it is natural and self‑evident that a mother educates her child, and therefore no explicit commandment was deemed necessary.[8] Indeed, we find that BatSheva, the mother of Shlomo Hamelech took a proactive stance on his education and admonished him to swerve away from life’s pleasures and focus on wisdom and G-d.[9]]
Girls as Partners in Building the Jewish Home[10]
Jewish girls also have a direct connection to the concept of building a Jewish home and participating in the education of children. Even before marriage, they should begin preparing for their future role in establishing and guiding a Jewish household, where they will be responsible for nurturing a home infused with Torah, faith, and Jewish values. This preparation begins long before adulthood through assisting their mothers in the home and learning how to influence others positively. Moreover, even young girls have a meaningful share in the task of binyan habayis by helping their mothers care for and educate younger brothers and sisters. Through this involvement they become active partners in the spiritual growth of their family and gain practical experience in the responsibilities of nurturing and guiding others. In this way, the values of Jewish motherhood, education, and devotion to the family are cultivated from an early age, preparing them for their future role in building strong Jewish homes founded upon Torah and Yiddishkeit.
[1] Admur 343:4 “However, with regard to his mother, there is no obligation upon him at all—neither a positive commandment nor a negative prohibition.”; Admur 616:4 “All of this applies to a minor who has not yet reached the age of education for the mitzvah of affliction. However, if he has reached the age of education, it is permitted to feed him, give him drink, anoint him, and wash him directly, in the manner explained above. If the minor performs any of these acts on his own, there is no need to protest, except for his father, who is required to protest and to educate his son in the mitzvot. His mother, however, is not obligated in this. Nevertheless, it is forbidden for her to place food before him, since doing so is considered as if she were feeding him directly.”; [See also Admur 640:4]; M”A 343:1; 616:2; 640:3; Terumas Hadeshen 94; Nazir 29a; Tosafus Yesheinim Yuma 82a; Maharam Ben Baruch 200; Ritva Eiruvin 82a; Birkeiy Yosef 343:7; Machatzis Hashekel 343:2; 200:4; M”B 343:2; Sdei Chemed Ches 59; Kaf Hachaim 343:9; Ketzos Hashulchan 147 footnote 2; Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid p. 165 footnotes 49-69, 197 footnote 534; Piskeiy Teshuvos 343:1 footnote 9; Shaareiy Chinuch pp. 113-122; Hisvadyus 5750 3:171, brought in Shaareiy Chinuch p. 113 “The obligation of chinuch (religious education), according to the strict letter of the law, rests upon the father. The father is obligated by rabbinic law to educate his son or daughter even in positive commandments, and all the more so to prevent them from transgressing prohibitions. This is not the case with the mother, who is not obligated in this responsibility at all—neither regarding positive commandments nor prohibitions.; Likkutei Sichos 2:580; Toras Menachem 31:138; Sichos Kodesh 5733 2:264; 5737 2:2; Hisvadyus 5746 3:617; Heichal Menachem 2:103; See Toras Hakatan [Rubinovitch] Chapter 7:1-12; 14:15-17; Shaareiy Chinuch p. 113-120
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that there is a complete obligation on the mother to educate her children. [Rebbe Yochanon in Nazir 29 according to Rav Avraham Min Hahar; Hilni Hamalka Sukkah 2b; Chiddushei Rabbeinu Peretz Nazir ibid; Rashi Chagiga 2b; Meiri Yuma 78a; Opinions in Birkeiy Yosef 343:7; Shalah Hakadosh Shaar Haosiyos Daled Derech Eretz, brought in Kuntrus Chanoch Lenar and Toras Menachem 5743 2:1085; Orach Mishor Nazir ibid; Tosefes Shabbos 343:1, brought in Machatzis Hashekel 343:1; Elya Raba 640:4, brought in Shaareiy Teshuvah 640:2; Chayeh Adam 66:2; Aruch Laner Sukkah 2b; Bikurei Yaakov 640:5; Chikrei Lev O.C. 70; Sdei Chemed Ches 59; Daas Torah 343; Shevet Halevi 1:67; See Kaf Hachaim 343:9; Encyclopedia Talmudit Vol. 16 p. 196 footnote 533;] Furthermore, some Poskim rule that the obligation of the mother is even more than on the father. [Shalah Hakadosh Shaar Haosiyos Daled, brought in Kuntrus Chanoch Lenar and Toras Menachem 5743 2:1085; Menoras Hamaor Abuhav 168; Migdal Oz of Yaavetz 3:25] Other Poskim rule that so long as the father is alive, the mother is obligated to educate her children as an emissary of their father. [Chasam Sofer Sugyos 24]
[2] Implication of Admur ibid [perhaps one can deduce from Admur which writes “at all” that there is no obligation on the mother even after the child has passed away]; Terumas Hadeshen 94 in opinion of Tosafus Yesheinim Yuma 82a; Poskim in Encyclopedia Talmudit ibid
Other opinions: Some Poskim rule that there is a complete obligation on the mother to educate her children if the father is unable to do so, such as if he passed away or is out of town. [Terumas Hadeshen 94 in his own opinion; Meiri Nazir ibid; Tosafus Eruvin ibid; Imrei Yosher 3; Shaareiy Teshuvah 640:1 in name of Poskim; M”B 640:5; Hagahos Imreoi David on 343; Pesach Hadvir 343:4; Kaf Hachaim 343:9 in his conclusion; Piskeiy Teshuvos 343:1 footnote 10 that so applies according to all; See Sdei Chemed Ches 59]
[3] Admur in Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:14 “Nevertheless, if she helps her son or her husband with her body and very much encourages him to engage in Torah study, she shares in their reward, and her reward is great—since they are commanded [to learn] and they do so through her.”; Hisvadyus 5750 3:171, brought in Shaareiy Chinuch ibid
[4] Peri Megadim Pesicha Koleles 2:10 rules that according to all there is a Mitzva; Mateh Efraim 616 in Alef Lamateh 5; Machatzis Hashekel 343:1; M”B 343:2; See also Hilchos Talmud Torah Kuntrus Achron 1:1; Ketzos Hashulchan 147 footnote 3
[5] Hisvadyus 5750 3:171, brought in Shaareiy Chinuch ibid “However, beyond this, since the actual education and guidance of sons and daughters—especially young boys and girls—depends to a great extent, and primarily in practice, on the direction of the mother, the mainstay of the home, and consequently the essence of education is carried out through her; it is therefore well known what the Shelah writes: that women are obligated in rebuking and guiding their children just like the father, and even more so than he, because they are more available and are found in the home more frequently.”; Sichos Kodesh 5737 2:2
[6] Shalah Hakadosh Shaar Haosiyos Daled, brought in Kuntrus Chanoch Lenar p. 34 and Toras Menachem 5743 2:1085 and Hisvadyus ibid, “Women are obligated to admonish and guide their sons no less than the father—and even more so—since they are more available and more frequently present in the home.”
[7] Hisvadyus 5750 3:171, brought in Shaareiy Chinuch ibid “Moreover, women have an added advantage in education and rebuke over men, since by the very nature of women their influence in education is carried out with gentle speech and through a feeling of closeness, love, and affection more than is the case with men. And we see this clearly—especially in recent generations—that specifically through a path of closeness and love, ‘educate the child according to his way’, the success of education is far greater.”
[8] Rebbe in Shaar Halacha Uminhag 3:63 and 80.
[9] See Sanhedrin 70b; Menoras Hamaor ibid
[10] Hisvadyus 5748 4:341