Bringing children to Shul:[1]
It is a Mitzvah and obligation upon a parent to educate his child to go to Shul and participate in a Minyan, once they have reached the age of Chinuch.[2]
Answering Amen:[3] One is to teach his young[4] children and educate them to answer Amen. From the moment that a child answers Amen he has a portion in the world to come.
How to behave: One is to educate his children to stand [i.e. behave in Shul] with awe and fear.[5] Avoiding Talking in Shul: A father must train his child not to speak in Shul and impart upon him the seriousness of disruption of the prayer.
Children who disturb:[6] However, children who run around in Shul for fun, [and make noise and] disturb their parents [and others] in their Davening are not to be brought to Shul at all. [Bringing such children to Shul, asides for it disturbing the prayers and it being a desecration of the holy place, also educates them to treat a Shul improperly, and makes them continue their ways even when they become older.[7] Accordingly, children who are below the age of Chinuch and are unable to sit still in Shul without disrupting, are not to be brought to Shul at all. However, those children who are above the age of Chinuch are to be brought and educated to participate properly in the Minyan and act with the appropriate respect.[8]]
Maintaining a Child’s Cleanliness in Shul:[9] One who brings his young children to the synagogue must ensure that their clothing and shoes are clean. This is in order not to cause discomfort or disturbance to those praying within their four amos, and to preserve the proper dignity and cleanliness of the place of prayer.
Covering a Child’s Head in Shul:[10] One should be careful to ensure that young children brought to the Shul have their heads covered. This is in order to maintain proper respect and decorum within the synagogue, and so they should not be present with uncovered heads.
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Summary: Children who are above the age of Chinuch are to be brought to Shul and educated to answer Amen and participate in the prayer. However, children who are below the age of Chinuch and run around or disturb the congregation, are not to be brought to Shul at all, and doing so is detrimental to their education.
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The words of the Shlah:[11] In today’s times, there are children who come to Shul who cause those who bring them to get punished, as they come to desecrate the holiness of the Shul, and play in it like they play in the streets. One kid laughs with another, another kid hits another, another sings, another cries, another shouts, another runs around and chases a friend. Some children even do their needs in Shul and are required to be cleaned and removed. At times, the father gives his child a Sefer and the child throws it on the floor, or tears it. To summarize, in conclusion these children disturb the worshipers and desecrate the name of Hashem. One who brings such children to Shul should not aspire to receive reward and is rather to worry of the punishment that is befitting him. This is similar to a master who brings his retarded slave with him to speak with the king, and the slave mocks and disturbs the entire conversation. Surely the king will release his wrath not on the imbecile slave, but on the master who brought him along. Furthermore, at times the parent begins playing with the child during his own prayer. The greatest evil of all this is that the child will grow up accustomed to his ill treatment of Davening and a Shul and continue to do so when older. Accordingly, one is not to bring very small children to Shul as he only loses out by doing so.
The words of the Tana Dvei Eliyahu:[12] It is taught in Tanna D’vei Eliyahu: An incident occurred with a man who was standing in the synagogue together with his son, while the congregation was responding “Halleluyah” after the one leading the prayer. His son, however, responded with frivolous and improper words. They said to him, “See that your son is responding with improper words.” He replied, “What should I do? He is just a child; let him play.” The next day the same thing happened, and again the people said to him, “See that your son is responding improperly.” He responded the same way: “He is a child; let him play.” This continued throughout all eight days of the festival, and the father did not rebuke him. It is then recorded that that man did not complete that year—not even two or three years—before he passed away, and his wife died, and his son died, and his grandson died, and fifteen members of his household were lost, leaving only two sons—one crippled and blind, and the other mentally unstable and wicked.
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Example:
Five-year-old Mendy cannot yet remain quietly through an entire Shabbos davening. Instead of bringing him for three hours and repeatedly scolding him, his father initially brings him for a shorter portion that Mendy can manage successfully. Mendy answers Amen, watches the Sefer Torah, participates appropriately, and leaves while the experience is still positive. As his maturity improves, the visits become progressively longer. The goal is that Shul should become associated with kedushah and dignity, not with hours of reprimands.
| Child’s Stage | Recommended Approach |
| Too young to remain without disturbing | Do not bring merely for the sake of bringing |
| Can visit briefly and behave | Short positive exposure can be valuable |
| Reached Chinuch and can participate | Bring and actively teach Shul behavior |
| Becomes restless after reasonable participation | Consider an appropriate break rather than allowing disruption |
| Remains in Shul | Teach Amen, silence, respect, and participation |
| Disturbs other mispallelim | Parent must intervene; Shul is not a playground |
[1] See Nitei Gavriel 17:18 footnote 27 in length; Encyclopedia Talmudit Vol. 16 p. 172; Chinuch Habanim Kehilchaso 25:1-9
[2] M”B 98:3; See Admur 98:1 124:10; Admur 343:2 “It is a Rabbinical command for a father to educate his son and daughter in both negative and positive commands”
[3] Admur 124:10; Rama 124:7 in name of Kol Bo
[4] Seemingly this includes even children who are below the age of Chinuch. [See Piskeiy Teshuvos 215 footnote 9]
[5] Admur 124:10; M”A 124:11; Shlah p. 256
[6] Admur 98:1 “Children who disturb their parents, are not to be brought to Shul at all” and 124:10 “Children who run around in shul for fun it is better not to bring them to Shul at all”; M”A 98:1; Elya Raba 98:2; Shlah p. 256 in name of Derech Chaim; M”B 98:3; Kaf Hachaim 98:13; Piskeiy Teshuvos 151:6; 343:6
[7] Shlah ibid; M”B 98:3
[8] Machatzis Hashekel 98:1; M”B 98:3; Kaf Hachaim 98:13; See also Shlah ibid “Bottom line, one is not to bring very small children to Shul”
[9] M”B 124:28; Chinuch Habanim Kehilchaso 25:5
[10] See Admur Kama 2:7; Basra 2:6; based on M”A 2:6 and Tractate Shabbos 156b; Chinuch Habanim Kehilchaso 25:9
The common custom is to be lenient regarding very young children, up to the age of three, and to bring them into the synagogue with their heads uncovered. At first glance, this is surprising—while in general the covering of a small child’s head may be only an added measure of piety, within a synagogue it carries greater significance. Accordingly, it must be understood that this concern applies primarily to older children, for whom it is considered disrespectful to be bareheaded in shul. However, in the case of very young children, this is not viewed as a lack of honor, and therefore the custom is to be lenient. [Chinuch Habanim Kehilchaso 25 footnote 17]
[11] Shlah p. 256
[12] Tanna D’vei Eliyahu Raba 14