- The Torah Source for Love in the Parental Relationship
Many may ask: Why introduce what appear to be “secular” or psychological ideas into a Torah discussion? Where do we find, in the Torah or in the words of Chazal, that a parent must show affection to a child—to hug, to express love, to be emotionally open, even “soft”? Is this not a modern or foreign concept?
The truth is that not only do we find such ideas deeply rooted in Torah sources, but the concept of expressed love is in fact one of the most fundamental foundations of Torah life. Both in Tanach, Chazal, Midrash, and especially in the teachings of Chassidus and Kabbalah, Hashem’s relationship with the Jewish people is consistently described as the love of a father for a child. To quote a few of the verses: “For Israel is a beloved child to Me[1]”; “Is Ephraim not My precious child? Is he not a child of delight? … My compassion yearns for him.[2]” “Israel was a child and I loved him… I was like one who lifts a child to his cheek; I bent down to feed him.[3]”
This metaphor is not poetic alone; it is instructional. Just as Hashem’s love is not abstract or assumed but revealed, expressed, and felt, so too must parental love be conveyed clearly and tangibly. If the Torah itself chooses the father–son relationship as the primary model through which Divine love is understood, it follows that this human relationship must itself be infused with open and expressed love. A parent who withholds emotional expression while expecting spiritual and emotional receptivity from a child contradicts the very model the Torah establishes. Thus, the expression of love in a parent–child relationship is not a modern concept, nor merely a psychological tool—it is a deep Torah principle rooted in how Hashem Himself relates to His children.
At its core, this discussion touches upon the general concept of love in Torah—and the role love plays in all meaningful relationships. One of the most powerful and essential commandments in the Torah is the mitzvah of Ahavas Hashem—to love G‑d. This is not merely an intellectual acknowledgment or external compliance. Rather, it is an explicit command that we arouse within ourselves a genuine feeling of love and desire to cleave to Hashem. The Alter Rebbe explains in Tanya[4] that this emotional bond is the foundation and animating force of all mitzvos. Torah observance without love is deficient, lacking its inner soul.
Furthermore, the Alter Rebbe teaches that this concept does not remain abstract or limited to the relationship between the Jewish people and Hashem. It manifests within human relationships as well. The Gemara[5] states that one who attaches himself to Torah scholars is considered as though he has attached himself to the Divine Presence. Consequently, there exists a mitzvah to love Torah scholars—not merely to respect or obey them, but to feel an emotional connection of love toward them.[6]
This principle is expressed powerfully in the writings of chassidic leaders as well. In a letter written after the passing of R’ Menachem Mendel of Vitebsk, the Alter Rebbe explains that the enduring bond between a Rebbe and his chassidim exists specifically through love. Love is the conduit through which the relationship remains alive, even beyond physical presence. Without love, the connection weakens; with love, it endures and deepens.[7]
The same applies—perhaps even more so—to the relationship between a father and a child. What creates the bridge that allows chinuch to penetrate? What enables guidance, discipline, and values to be internalized rather than resisted? It is the child’s experience of acceptance and love. The expression of love is not a luxury or an emotional extra; it is the channel through which everything else flows. And this applies at all ages.
A parent may be a brilliant educator, a disciplinarian, or a moral guide, but education without love is deeply flawed. The Alter Rebbe compares Torah observance performed without love to a body without a soul—externally functional, but internally lifeless.[8] Similarly, a parent-child relationship devoid of expressed love resembles a purely mechanical hierarchy: a commander issuing orders to a soldier, followed without emotional connection. Chassidus criticizes such a model as incomplete and unhealthy. Certainly, the sacred and intimate bond between father and child is not meant to be a relationship of command without heart.
We find this ideal expressed not only in philosophical texts but in lived Torah life. In the letters written by the father of the Rebbe, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak Scneerson, to his son the Rebbe, we see profound, open expressions of love and emotional closeness.[9] To quote from some of these letters: “Loving you, desiring you, wishing for your good and your happiness, blessing you from the depths of his heart—your father and father‑in‑law”; “Your father who loves you from the depths of his heart in all days”; “Please, my love, do not shorten your letter…as the one who loves you desire.”; These writings demonstrate clearly that expressing love to one’s child is neither inappropriate nor undesirable within a Torah home. On the contrary, the greatest tzaddikim expressed the deepest affection for their children, viewing love not as a weakness, but as the foundation of true connection and influence.
Thus, far from contradicting Torah values, the ongoing expression of parental love embodies them. Love is not the opposite of discipline or education—it is what gives them life, meaning, and permanence.
[1] Yirmiyahu 31:19–20
[2] Yirmiyahu 31:19–20
[3] Hoshea 11:1–4
[4] Tanya Chapter 38
[5] Kesubos 111b; See Tanya chapter 2
[6] Chinuch Mitzvah 434 “One transgresses this command if he does not set love for them in his heart.”
[7] See Tanya Igeres Hakodesh 27; Hayom Yom 26th Shevat; Igros Kodesh Admur Rayatz letter 1805 p. 353
[8] Tanya ibid
[9] See Michtavei Chasuna of Rebbe’s fathr to the Rebbe