Hugs between parents and children:
A hug is one of the most powerful non‑verbal expressions of love available to a parent. Long before a child can understand words or logic, physical closeness communicates safety, acceptance, and reassurance. A hug tells a child, “You are not alone, you are held, and you are loved,” often more effectively than any explanation or instruction. When a child is anxious, ashamed, frightened, or emotionally overwhelmed, a hug can regulate emotions, calm distress, and restore connection in a way that words cannot. For this reason, moments of physical empathy—especially during pain or vulnerability—play a uniquely stabilizing role in emotional development.
At the same time, it is important to state clearly that families are different. Some families are naturally warm and physically affectionate, while others express closeness primarily through words, tone, presence, or acts of care. Judaism does not mandate a single emotional “style,” nor does psychology suggest that every child must receive constant physical affection in order to be healthy. What is broadly recognized—both in Torah thought and in child‑development psychology—is that appropriate physical affection, when welcomed, is a powerful regulator of emotional safety. A hug can calm anxiety, ground distress, restore connection, and communicate acceptance in a way that words alone sometimes cannot.
That said, physical affection should never be forced, especially as children mature. Physical affection must be age‑appropriate and welcome. Teenagers who resist hugs should not be pressured, as unwanted contact can erode trust. However, even in families where hugging is uncommon, there is broad agreement that occasional physical gestures of comfort—particularly in moments of distress, grief, or emotional pain—are extremely important. A respectful hug, a hand on the shoulder, or sitting close during such times often becomes the clearest signal of unconditional love.
Father hugging adult daughter and Mother Hugging adult Son: [1] Kissing and hugging is permitted between parents and their children, even if they are of the opposite gender [and even if the children are now adults[2]]. Thus, a mother may hug and kiss her son [of any age] and a father may hug and kiss his daughter [of any age]. [See Q&A regarding if she is married!] Kissing and hugging is likewise permitted between grandparents and their grandchildren of the opposite gender.[3]
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Q&A May a parent/grandparent hug a married daughter/granddaughter? Some Poskim[4] rule it is permitted for a father or grandfather to hug and kiss his daughter/granddaughter even if she is married. Other Poskim[5], however, rule it is forbidden for them to kiss or hug a married daughter/granddaughter. Practically, it is permitted to do so[6], although one who desires to be stringent upon himself is blessed.[7]
Relatives showing affection in public:[8] It is permitted for a father/mother/grandfather/grandmother to engage in non-affectionate touch with their daughter/son/granddaughter/grandson even in public. [It is possible to learn in the Poskim that it is however forbidden for them to engage in affectionate touch in public, such as hugging and kissing.[9] On the other hand, one can argue that affectionate touch between such close relatives does not lead others to any immoral thoughts.[10] Practically, since in most situations it is not obvious to others that the two are father/daughter etc one is to be stringent, and so rule some Rabbanim of today.[11] However for a parent/grandparent to hug their young child in public is certainly permitted.[12]]
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When and How Physical Affection Is Appropriate (by Age)
| Age / Stage | Is Physical Affection Helpful? | What’s Appropriate | What to Avoid |
| Infancy & Early Childhood | Essential | Holding, cuddling, hugging, gentle touch, sitting close | Emotional distance |
| Early School Age | Very important | Hugs, arm around shoulder, affectionate gestures | Using affection as reward/punishment |
| Pre‑Teen (9–12) | Still important | Natural, respectful hugs; comfort during distress | Embarrassing or forced affection |
| Teenagers | Situational | Brief hugs if welcomed; comforting touch in moments of pain | Forcing touch; public displays against their will |
| Late Teens / Early 20s | Optional but meaningful | Respectful hugs at greetings or emotional moments | Assuming affection is unwanted without checking |
| After Marriage | Symbolic and relational | Warm greetings, blessings, expressions of pride | Intrusiveness or boundary crossing |
| All Ages (During Crisis) | Strongly recommended | Age‑appropriate, consent‑based physical comfort | Emotional coldness in distress |
[1] Michaber ibid; Kiddushin 80b; Kitzur SHU”A 159:10
[2] Perisha 21:7; Beis Shmuel 21:15; Beir Heiytiv 21:15; Taharas Yisrael 21:17; Chochmas Adam 125:6
If the daughter/granddaughter/mother/grandmother is a Niddah: The above allowance applies even if the relation is a Niddah. [Betzeil Hachochmah 3:12]
[3] Chelkas Mechokek 21:10 based on Kiddushin 81b; Beis Shmuel 21:14 [see there for a long discussion on this topic]; Pischeiy Teshuvah 21:5; Igros Moshe ibid
[4] Beis Shmuel 21:14 that when both are clothed there is no prohibition to sleep together even if she is an adult and is married; Pnei Moshe 21:5; Beir Heiytiv 21:14; Aruch Hashulchan 21:10; Taharas Yisrael 21:17; Nidchei Yisrael 24; Divrei Yatziv Even Haezer 36; Chochmas Adam 125:6 concludes with a Tzaruch Iyun; Betzeil Hachochmah 3:12
[5] Mishneh Lamelech on Rambam 21:6-7; Nesivos Shabbos 13a; Meiri Kiddushin 81b; See Betzeil Hachochmah ibid
[6] Betzeil Hachochmah 3:12 as rule majority of Poskim ibid
[7] Betzeil Hachochmah ibid; Beir Moshe 4:145; Igros Moshe Even Haezer 1:60 and 4:63; See also Od Yosef Chaiy Shoftim 21 that a Baal Nefesh is to be stringent to himself. [does not specifically stipulate regarding daughter who is married].
[8] See Beis Shmuel 21:12; Taz 21:1 that by the above relatives doing acts of non-affection acts in public [such as checking each other’s hair] does not arouse immoral thoughts being that everyone understands that they do not share an incestuous relationship.
[9] As the above Poskim only permitted these relatives to check lice in public, which is not an affectionate touch, while by an affectionate touch, such as hugging and kissing, certainly it can arouse immoral thoughts in the onlooker.
[10] So is implied from the ruling of the Taz and Beis Shmuel ibid that there is no Zichron Tashmish by such relatives
[11] So rules Hagaon HaRav Yaakov Yosef Zal, stating that those fathers who hug their older daughters in public are Amei Haretz and are causing others to stumble.
[12] Pashut, as people do not view this erotically.