The birthday of a child:
It is customary amongst many people to celebrate their birthday. It is a happy day in which people yearn and desire to be cherished and allow themselves extravagances and luxuries that they would usually not partake in. In the secular world, many use the day for partying and sometimes partaking in lustful or sinful behaviors. The question with regards to a Jew is whether such behavior is encouraged or discouraged by the Torah. The Rebbe, seeing a birthday celebration as a great opportunity to bring change to the person and his service of G-d, dedicated a great deal of talks and writing to the subject of birthday celebration, and encouraged every person to celebrate their birthday in a way that will bring them closer to Hashem.
How To Celebrate The birthday of a child:[1]
The parents are to celebrate the birthday of their children.[2] This applies to children of all ages, beginning with a child’s first birthday. The parent is to utilize the day to give thanks to Hashem for the gift of having the child and make appropriate resolutions for the proper education of the child. When the child is too young to perform the birthday customs himself, they are to be performed by the parents, such as increasing in learning Torah and giving charity.
Should a father get an Aliyah for a child’s birthday?[3]
There is certainly no prohibition in having a father purchase an Aliyah the Shabbos prior to his child’s birthday or the birthday of his wife, and have it dedicated in their merit. However, we also do not find any record of such a Jewish custom having existed. Likewise, such a directive was never included by the Rebbe in his public directives which he asked to be followed on a birthday. Nonetheless, there are some individuals who are particular to try to get an Aliyah on behalf of such an occasion, based on a talk of the Rebbe[4] in which he stated that parents should follow the birthday directives on behalf of their children who cannot do so on their own. Now, while the Rebbe did mention an increase of learning Torah and giving charity, no mention was made of getting in an Aliyah.[5] Accordingly, some completely negate this new custom.[6] Whatever the case, as stated initially, there is no issue with doing so, however it should not be turned into an obligation in which people can demand from the Gabaiy to give them an Aliyah on this behalf. Certainly, such an individual does not push off any Chiyuv, including an adult who has a birthday that week or on that day, in which case there exists a public directive from the Rebbe for him to get an Aliyah. The following therefore is the suggestive approach: If somebody would like to get an Aliyah on behalf of his child or wife, then he should purchase it, or ask the Gabaiy if he can receive an Aliyah even though he is not a Chiyuv and does not have a birthday. It has happened in the past, that such people have simply told the Gabbaiy that they need an Aliyah for a birthday, and the Gabaiy ended up differing people who had a real birthday of their own, or even a real Chiyuv, due to them not explaining the reason for their request.
The Rebbe’s Twelve Birthday Customs
| # | Custom | Details |
| 1 | Memorize Chassidus | Learn a maamar or section of Chassidus by heart and recite it publicly on the birthday or a related occasion. |
| 2 | Receive an Aliyah | Men above Bar Mitzvah receive an aliyah on the Shabbos before the birthday. If the birthday falls on a Torah-reading day, an additional aliyah is received on the birthday itself. |
| 3 | Give Tzedakah | Give charity before Shacharis and Mincha. If the birthday falls on Shabbos or Yom Tov, give beforehand and preferably also afterward. |
| 4 | Daven with Extra Kavanah | Invest additional concentration and effort in prayer and contemplation of Hashem’s greatness. |
| 5 | Recite Tehillim | Increase Tehillim recitation and read at least one sefer of Tehillim. Begin saying the new chapter corresponding to the new age. |
| 6 | Add Torah Learning | Learn additional Nigleh and Chassidus beyond one’s regular daily study schedule. |
| 7 | Personal Reflection | Spend time alone reviewing the previous year, correcting shortcomings, and planning spiritual growth. |
| 8 | Recall a Yechidus | Picture a past yechidus with the Rebbe, review the Rebbe’s guidance, and study related teachings. |
| 9 | Accept New Resolutions | Undertake a new hiddur or practical spiritual commitment for the coming year. |
| 10 | Practice Ahavas Yisrael | Reach out to fellow Jews, teach Torah and Chassidus, and perform acts of kindness. |
| 11 | Hold a Farbrengen or Seudah | Celebrate with family and friends in a Simcha Shel Mitzvah while sharing Torah and accepting resolutions. |
| 12 | Recite Shehechiyanu | Try to eat a new seasonal fruit and recite the blessing of Shehechiyanu. |
| Situation | Custom |
| Regular birthday | Give before Shacharis and Mincha |
| Birthday on Shabbos | Give on Erev Shabbos and preferably the following day |
| Birthday on Yom Tov | Give on Erev Yom Tov and preferably afterward |
| Suggested amount | Multiples of 18, or the person’s new age plus one (e.g., turning 34, give 35) |
| Age Reached | Chapter to Begin Saying |
| 13 | Chapter 14 |
| 20 | Chapter 21 |
| 34 | Chapter 35 |
| 40 | Chapter 41 |
| 60 | Chapter 61 |
[1] Hisvadyus 1982 4/2190
[2] Hisvadyus 1988 vol. 3 p. 153 footnote 25
[3] See Hiskashrus 957 p. 14; Al Minhagim Umikoroseihem [Bloy] p. 87
[4] Hisvadyus 1982 4/2190
[5] However, in a private directive to Rabbi Shmuel Lew, the Rebbe is quoted to have told him to receive an Aliyah prior to the birthday of his daughter. [See Hiskashrus ibid]
[6] See Al Minhagim Umikoroseihem ibid