Forbidden Speech and Lying – Sheker and Nivul Peh[1]
Parents[2] must actively stop their children from speaking or being involved in any of the following behaviors which are considered as severe prohibitions so they do not become accustomed to them:
- Lashon hara (negative speech about others)
- Arguments and quarrels
- Mockery or scoffing
- And similar harmful forms of speech
- [Nivul Peh, such as dirty words or curse words]
- Children lying:[3] One must be very careful to supervise children so that they do not get into the habit of lying. If a child does something wrong and is truthful about it, he is to be dealt with mercy, while if a child lies he is to be severely punished.
[One of the most essential yet often overlooked aspects of chinuch is teaching children proper speech and conduct—specifically refraining from forbidden speech such as lying, mocking, scoffing, or belittling others. While great attention is often devoted to educating children in the detailed laws of Torah and mitzvot, and even in refined customs and stringencies, this foundational area of character development is unfortunately sometimes neglected. It is not uncommon to find parents who invest tremendous effort in teaching their children halakhic details or advanced religious practices—occasionally even before the child is developmentally ready to fulfill them properly—yet fail to address inappropriate speech or behavior toward classmates, friends, or siblings. When a child is allowed to speak disrespectfully, mock others, or act unkindly without correction, an unhealthy message is conveyed: that religiosity can exist independently of basic decency and interpersonal responsibility. This imbalance can be deeply damaging. A child who grows up observing Torah and mitzvot meticulously, yet lacking compassion, humility, and respect for others, risks developing a fractured personality—externally religious but internally deficient in core character traits. Such a disconnect stands in direct opposition to the Torah’s vision, where ethical behavior and reverence for others are inseparable from religious observance. For this reason, it is a foremost duty of parents to educate their children from a young age to speak kindly, behave respectfully, and treat others with dignity. This includes correcting improper speech and conduct early, even when such behavior appears minor or socially acceptable. True chinuch is not limited to ritual observance; it is equally concerned with forming a refined character grounded in empathy, self‑restraint, and mutual respect. By prioritizing this dimension of education, parents lay the foundation for children to grow into adults who are not only observant Jews, but also individuals whose behavior reflects the values and ethics that the Torah seeks to instill.]
[1] M”B 343:3; Kaf Hachaim 343:25; Piskeiy Teshuvos 343:6
[2] According to the letter of the law, this obligation applies only to the father, and only once the child has reached the age of chinuch, as explained in Chapter 1. However, it is proper conduct for both parents—the father and the mother—to reprimand a child who engages in such behavior. This applies even when the child has not yet reached the age of chinuch, as part of appropriate parental guidance and moral education.
[3] Pela Hayoeitz “Sheker”