Question:
My wife feels that we should regularly have guests for Shabbos because Hachnasas Orchim is such an important mitzvah, and asks, “How can we have Shabbos without guests?” I agree that having guests is important, but we also have our own children who need our attention, conversation, and a meaningful Shabbos-table experience. When we frequently have guests, I sometimes feel that our children do not receive the attention they need. How much should a family push itself to have guests every Shabbos?
Answer:
There is no question that Hachnasas Orchim is an exceptionally great mitzvah. Chazal describe hospitality as greater than receiving the Divine Presence and as one of the mitzvos whose fruits a person enjoys in this world while the principal reward remains for the World to Come. The longstanding Jewish custom has likewise been to welcome guests on Shabbos warmly and generously.
Nevertheless, this does not mean that a family is required to have guests at every Shabbos meal at the expense of its own children. The Shabbos table is also an important opportunity for parents to connect with their children, speak with them, teach them, listen to them, and create a warm family experience. If constantly hosting guests interferes with the attention and Chinuch that the children need, the parents should wisely determine an appropriate balance. Having guests is a tremendous matter, but one’s own children’s needs should not become neglected in the process.
Furthermore, an important distinction is often overlooked. According to Admur and the Poskim, the specific mitzvah of Hachnasas Orchim, with the special halachic status given to it, refers to hosting someone from out of town, whether by providing lodging or inviting such a visitor for a meal. This applies even if the visitor is wealthy. Inviting one’s neighbor or another local family from shul for a friendly Shabbos meal is certainly a positive and worthwhile way of developing friendship and communal bonds, but it does not have the technical status of the mitzvah of Hachnasas Orchim, and Admur refers to such a meal as a Seudas Reshus rather than a Seudas Mitzvah.
Thus, there is certainly no reason to feel that “we cannot have a Shabbos meal without inviting another local family.” If inviting local friends every week comes at the expense of one’s children’s Shabbos experience, it can be entirely appropriate to reserve some Shabbos meals primarily for the family.
On the other hand, when an actual out-of-town guest needs a place to stay or eat, one has an opportunity to fulfill the great mitzvah of Hachnasas Orchim, and the matter deserves much greater effort. Likewise, if a local person or family is poor and genuinely needs the meal, hosting them fulfills the mitzvah of Tzedakah, even though they are not technically classified as out-of-town orchim.
Bottom Line:
Having guests on Shabbos is a beautiful practice, and true Hachnasas Orchim is an exceptionally great mitzvah. Nevertheless, there is no obligation to invite local friends or families for Shabbos, especially if doing so regularly detracts from the attention, Chinuch, and Shabbos experience of one’s own children. A healthy family should strike a wise balance: make room for genuine Hachnasas Orchim and Chesed for out of town guests or poor local families, who actually needs hospitality, while also making room for Shabbos meals devoted to one’s own children and family.
Sources:
Shabbos 127b; Menachos 97a; Rambam Hilchos Avel 14:2; Shabbos 26:15; Meiri Shabbos 127b; Admur 307:23; 333:6; Rama O.C. 333:1; Magen Avraham 515:6; P”M 333 M”Z 2; Terumas Hadeshen 72; Maharil Likkutim; Menoras Hamaor 1:39; Yeish Nochlin Arvei Pesachim Peiah 5:4; Ahavas Chesed 3:1; Shaar Halacha Uminhag 5:29; Toras Hamidos Yerushalayim pp. 393-421; Encyclopedia Talmudit Erech Hachnasas Orchim p. 126