Chapter Overview
After defining marriage and personal status in the first two chapters, the Rambam now explains the practical mechanics of kiddushin (betrothal):
- How a woman becomes betrothed
- The required wording
- Kiddushin through money, document, or relations
- The role of witnesses
- The authority of a father over a minor daughter
- Agency (shlichut)
- The blessings recited before kiddushin
This chapter forms the legal foundation of Jewish engagement.
Halachah 1 – Kiddushin Through Money
The most common form of kiddushin is through money or something worth money.
The man must:
- Give at least a perutah (minimum halachic value).
- State words indicating marriage.
Examples:
- “Harei at mekudeshet li” (“You are betrothed to me”)
- “Harei at me’oraset li”
- “Harei at li l’ishah”
The transfer must take place before witnesses.
The essential elements are:
- The man gives.
- The man declares.
Halachah 2 – If the Woman Gives
If the woman gives the object and says:
“I am betrothed to you”
there is no kiddushin.
Likewise:
- She gives and he speaks → invalid.
- He gives and she speaks → doubtful kiddushin.
The Rambam emphasizes that the act must reflect the Torah structure of acquisition.
Halachot 3-4 – Kiddushin Through a Document
A man may betroth using a written document.
The document may be written on:
- Paper
- Pottery shard
- Leaf
- Any writable material
It contains wording such as:
“You are betrothed to me.”
Like a get, the document must:
- Be written specifically for this woman.
- Be written with her consent.
If either condition is absent, the kiddushin is invalid.
Halachah 5 – Kiddushin Through Relations
The Torah recognizes kiddushin through marital relations.
The man declares his intention and then enters seclusion with her before witnesses.
The kiddushin takes effect upon completion of the act.
Both conventional and unconventional relations effect kiddushin.
Halachah 6 – Proper Language
The wording must indicate:
He is acquiring her as a wife.
Phrases such as:
- “You are my wife”
- “You are mine”
- “You are designated for me”
are valid.
By contrast:
- “I am your husband”
- “I am your betrothed”
do not create kiddushin because the wording describes him being acquired to her rather than vice versa.
Halachah 7 – Ambiguous Expressions
Certain expressions create doubt:
Examples include:
- “You are designated for me”
- “You are my helper”
- “You are set aside for me”
If they were already discussing marriage, such language may create safek kiddushin (doubtful betrothal).
If marriage was not being discussed, the statements are ignored.
Halachah 8 – Any Language May Be Used
Kiddushin may be performed in any language understood by the parties.
Furthermore, if they are already discussing marriage, formal wording is not strictly necessary.
Context itself can demonstrate intent.
The same principle applies to witnesses:
One need not formally declare:
“You are my witnesses.”
Halachot 9-10 – Partial Kiddushin
The Rambam analyzes unusual formulations.
Valid
“Be betrothed to half of me.”
Meaning: she is married to a man whose obligations are entirely his own.
Invalid
“Half of you is betrothed to me.”
A woman cannot be partly married and partly unmarried.
Many unusual formulas create only doubtful kiddushin.
Halachot 11-14 – A Father’s Authority
A father has authority over:
- His minor daughter (ketanah)
- His adolescent daughter (na’arah)
He may accept kiddushin on her behalf.
The Torah states:
“I gave my daughter to this man.”
The father therefore has rights regarding:
- Her kiddushin
- Earnings
- Certain financial benefits
Limits of This Authority
Once she becomes a bogeret:
- The father’s authority ends.
Likewise, if she was already married and then widowed or divorced, she returns to independent status even if still a minor.
Unauthorized Kiddushin
If a daughter under her father’s authority accepts kiddushin without his approval:
- The kiddushin are invalid.
Even later consent from the father does not validate them.
Halachot 15-18 – Agency (Shlichut)
A person may appoint an agent to perform kiddushin.
The man may appoint:
- An agent to betroth a woman.
A woman may appoint:
- An agent to receive kiddushin.
A father may appoint:
- An agent for his daughter’s kiddushin.
Requirements for an Agent
An agent must be:
- Mentally competent
- Jewish
- Halachically capable
Therefore:
- A minor cannot serve.
- A non-Jew cannot serve.
- A slave cannot serve for marriage matters.
Agents Can Also Serve as Witnesses
A unique ruling:
If two agents perform kiddushin for a man,
they may simultaneously serve as:
- Agents
- Witnesses
Halachah 19 – Preferred Practice
Although agency is valid:
It is preferable for the man to perform kiddushin personally.
Likewise:
It is preferable for the woman to accept kiddushin personally.
The Rambam then gives several ethical teachings:
A father should not marry off a daughter while she is very young.
Instead, she should mature and be able to say:
“I want this man.”
A man should not betroth a woman before seeing her.
Otherwise he may later dislike her and violate:
“Love your fellow as yourself.”
Halachot 20-22 – Torah Law and Rabbinic Policy
The Rambam reiterates that all three methods of kiddushin are valid Torah law:
- Money
- Document
- Relations
However, Jewish practice accepted:
- Money as the standard method.
- Documents as acceptable.
Kiddushin by Relations
Even though valid:
The Sages strongly discouraged it.
Someone who does so receives makkat mardut (rabbinic lashes).
Similarly, a man who betroths improperly or publicly in a marketplace may also be disciplined.
The goal is to preserve modesty and the dignity of marriage.
Halachot 23-24 – Birkat Erusin
Before kiddushin a blessing is recited.
Main Text
The blessing praises God for:
- Sanctifying Israel
- Separating us from forbidden unions
- Forbidding relations with a betrothed woman
- Permitting marriage through chuppah and kiddushin
It concludes:
“Blessed are You, Hashem, who sanctifies Israel.”
If the Blessing Was Forgotten
The kiddushin remain valid.
One should not recite the blessing afterward because the act has already been completed.
Cup of Wine
The accepted custom is to recite Birkat Erusin over:
- Wine
- Or another beverage when necessary
The blessing over wine is recited first, followed by Birkat Erusin.
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