Overview
Chapter 14 centers on one of the Torah’s three fundamental marital obligations:
“Onatah lo yigra” – a husband may not diminish his wife’s marital rights (Exodus 21:10).
The chapter discusses:
- The frequency of marital relations (onah)
- Different occupations and their schedules
- The rights of a wife regarding her husband’s travel
- Multiple wives and division of obligations
- Rebellion by either spouse (moredet and mored)
- Medical care
- Redemption from captivity
- Burial obligations
The chapter’s theme is:
Marriage creates not only financial obligations but also emotional and physical obligations that cannot be ignored.
- The Torah Obligation of Onah
The Torah requires a husband to provide marital intimacy according to:
- His physical strength
- His occupation
- His circumstances
Not every husband is obligated at the same frequency.
The Torah standard adapts to reality.
- Frequency According to Profession
Men of Leisure
Healthy men with no demanding occupation:
Every night.
Local Workers
Such as:
- Tailors
- Weavers
- Builders
working locally:
Twice each week.
Workers in Another Town
Once each week.
Donkey Drivers
Once each week.
Camel Drivers
Who travel long distances:
Once every thirty days.
Sailors
Who may be gone for months:
Once every six months.
- Torah Scholars
The Rambam writes:
Torah study weakens one’s strength.
Therefore:
Once each week.
Traditionally:
Friday night.
became the established time of onah for Torah scholars.
- A Wife May Limit Business Travel
A wife may object if her husband wishes to travel extensively for commerce.
Why?
Because:
It reduces her onah.
Likewise she may prevent him from changing occupations if the new profession will substantially reduce his availability.
Examples:
- Donkey driver → camel driver
- Camel driver → sailor
- Torah Study Has Special Status
A Torah scholar may leave to study Torah:
Two or three years.
even without his wife’s explicit consent.
Likewise:
A man who transforms himself into a Torah scholar cannot be prevented by his wife from pursuing Torah study.
This is one of the notable exceptions to the general onah framework.
- Many Wives
The Rambam rules that a man may marry:
Even one hundred wives.
provided he can fulfill:
- Food
- Clothing
- Onah
for each.
Separate Residences
He may not force all wives into one shared residence.
Each must have her own living arrangements.
- Dividing Onah Among Multiple Wives
The frequency is shared.
Example:
Worker
Ordinary obligation:
Twice weekly.
With two wives:
Each receives:
Once weekly.
With four wives:
Each receives:
Once every two weeks.
Sailor
Ordinary obligation:
Once every six months.
With four wives:
Each receives:
Once every two years.
Limitation Recommended by the Sages
For this reason the Sages advised:
No more than four wives.
so that each wife receives onah at least monthly.
- Degrading Conditions in Intimacy
The Rambam discusses vows imposed upon a wife regarding intimate matters.
If a husband forces humiliating or degrading behavior that normal people would find unreasonable:
He must divorce and pay the Ketubah.
Marriage must preserve dignity.
- A Husband Who Vows Not to Have Relations
If a husband prohibits intimacy:
A waiting period of:
One week
is allowed.
Afterward:
He must either annul the vow or divorce with a Ketubah.
Why One Week?
Even sailors whose ordinary obligation is once every six months are included.
Because once the vow exists:
She suffers the certainty of deprivation.
The emotional impact changes the halachic status.
- How Such a Vow Works
Certain formulations are invalid.
A husband cannot simply swear away a Torah obligation.
However, if he creates a valid prohibition upon himself regarding enjoyment of intimacy:
The vow takes effect.
Then the court intervenes as described above.
- Deliberately Withholding Onah
The Rambam states clearly:
A husband who intentionally deprives his wife of onah in order to distress her violates:
“Lo yigra.”
a Torah prohibition.
- Illness
If illness prevents relations:
The husband receives:
Six months
to recover.
Afterward he must either:
- Obtain her consent to continue
- Or divorce and pay the Ketubah
- The Moredet – A Rebellious Wife
A wife who refuses marital relations is called:
Moredet
The court first investigates.
Type 1: “Ma’us Alai”
She says:
“I find him repulsive.”
“I cannot willingly be intimate with him.”
The Rambam rules:
The husband is compelled immediately to divorce her.
However:
She loses the entire Ketubah.
The reasoning is famous:
She is not a captive who must submit to a man she hates.
Financial Consequences
She leaves with:
- Her existing personal property
but receives:
- No Ketubah
- No gifts received from him
- No property belonging to him
- Moredet Out of Spite
A second category exists.
She says:
“I am withholding intimacy to hurt him.”
because:
- He insulted her
- He angered her
- He mistreated her
This is not ma’us alai.
This is punitive rebellion.
- Procedure for a Rebellious Wife
The court follows a lengthy process.
Step 1
Warning.
Step 2
Public announcements in synagogues and study halls.
For:
Four consecutive weeks.
Step 3
Final warning.
Step 4
If she persists:
The Ketubah is forfeited.
Step 5
Twelve months pass before a get is given.
During that period:
- No support
- No Ketubah rights
If She Dies
Before the divorce:
The husband inherits her.
- Rambam Versus the Geonim
The Rambam notes that several Geonim adopted different procedures.
He explicitly writes:
The Talmudic procedure should be followed.
This is an important methodological statement.
- A Rebellious Husband
A husband may also be a rebel (mored).
He says:
“I will support her but I refuse relations because I hate her.”
Financial Penalty
The court adds to the Ketubah every week.
The amount continually increases.
Meanwhile:
He remains in violation of Torah law.
The Rambam strongly condemns using intimacy deprivation as punishment.
- Disputed Claims
Suppose:
Husband says
“She is rebelling.”
Wife says
“No, I act normally.”
Or vice versa.
The court:
- Issues a general ban against false claims.
- Attempts verification.
- Encourages compromise.
Because intimacy cannot realistically be proved through witnesses.
- Medical Care
The husband must pay to treat his wife’s illnesses.
This obligation continues:
Until she recovers.
Exception
If treatment becomes extremely expensive and prolonged:
The husband may choose to:
- Pay the Ketubah
- Divorce her
instead of indefinitely financing treatment.
The Rambam adds:
This is legally permissible but not proper conduct.
- Redemption From Captivity
A husband must redeem his captive wife.
This is one of the classic conditions of the Ketubah.
Wife of a Kohen
Since a captive woman becomes forbidden to her kohen husband:
He must still:
- Redeem her
- Return her safely home
- Pay her Ketubah
Wife of a Yisrael
Since she remains permitted:
He redeems her and restores the marriage.
- How Much Must He Pay?
Normally:
He is not required to pay more than her objective value.
However, for his wife:
The obligation is stronger.
First Captivity
Even if the ransom equals:
Ten times her Ketubah
he must redeem her.
Second Captivity
After redeeming her once:
If she is captured again,
he may instead:
- Divorce her
- Pay the Ketubah
and she redeems herself.
- Husband Abroad
If the husband is overseas when she is captured:
The court sells his property and redeems her.
The obligation does not disappear because of absence.
- Women Already Forbidden to Their Husbands
If she was already prohibited to him by a Torah prohibition before capture:
He need not redeem her.
Instead:
He pays the Ketubah.
The redemption obligation exists primarily to restore the marriage.
- Burial
If the wife dies:
The husband must provide:
- Burial
- Eulogies
- Mourning arrangements
according to local custom.
Minimum Standard
Even for the poorest Jew:
At least:
- Two flutes
- One professional mourner
according to the customs of the era.
- Honor Follows the Higher Standard
If the wife’s family status exceeds her husband’s:
She is buried according to:
Her level of honor.
The Rambam repeats a recurring principle:
“She rises with him and never descends.”
Even after death.
- Refusal to Bury
If another person pays for the burial because the husband refuses:
The court collects reimbursement from the husband.
The dead cannot be left unattended.
If the Husband Is Abroad
The court immediately sells his property and arranges burial according to:
- His means
- His honor
- Her honor
without waiting for his return.
Key Themes of Chapter 14
| Topic | Rambam’s Principle |
| Onah | Torah obligation |
| Frequency | Depends on profession |
| Wife’s rights | Can limit long absences |
| Torah study | Special exception |
| Multiple wives | Must satisfy all obligations |
| Moredet (repulsive husband) | Immediate divorce, no Ketubah |
| Moredet (spite) | Warnings and forfeiture process |
| Mored (husband) | Ongoing financial penalties |
| Medical care | Husband responsible |
| Redemption from captivity | Required by Ketubah |
| Burial | Husband responsible |
| Honor in burial | Wife never descends in status |
Chapter Theme
Chapter 14 develops the Torah obligation of onah into a complete system of marital responsibility. The Rambam treats physical intimacy as a legal obligation, not merely a personal preference, and builds around it detailed laws of travel, study, rebellion, illness, captivity, and dignity. The chapter closes by showing that the husband’s responsibilities extend from the beginning of married life until its end, including redemption in danger and honor in burial.